Writing under a pseudonym has a long and honorable history. Several of the Founding Fathers contributed to The Federalist Papers under the name of Publius. Eric Blair’s pen name was George Orwell. Samuel Clemens wrote under the name Mark Twain. Bill Schmalfeldt has used a host of fake names, but not always for the best of reasons. He had been fired more than once by The Examiner, but he got back on using an assumed name to hide his identity. As shown in this post from five years ago today, How I Cracked the Case, his scam didn’t survive very long.

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The Cabin Boy™ wonders why he wasn’t able to maintain his sekrit identity as Clark Kent Matthew Lillefielt for a whole week. The answer is that he is mind-bogglingly clumsy with operational security. Although I saw no need to mention it, I’ve been aware of the Matthew Lillefielt ID for quite a while. I stumbled on it when I went to document one of the videos he had posted. I went searching for his The Lord of Satire YouTube channel, and found this:There’s the Cabin Boy’s™ portrait inset into a banner from one of his pornographic animated videos, and there’s the name Matthew Lillefielt.

The game was over before he put his quarter in the slot.

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Of course, The Examiner fired him again, but firing is something that the Cabin Boy™ should be used to by now.