Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Two years ago, LOLsuit VI The Undiscovered Krendler was alive, and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has just filed a motion to disqualify Aaron Walker as counsel for the two remaining named defendants in the case. That motion included this sworn statement:

The Gentle Reader who has not been following The Saga of Team Kimberlin since 2016 should not be surprised to learn that the defendants filed an opposition to the Cabin Boy’s™ motion, and that Schmalfeldt reacted stupidly on Twitter. Hogewash! reported his folly under the headline I’m Not Making This Up, You Know.

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Given that every single paragraph of the declaration by Brett Kimberlin filed as an exhibit with the Cabin Boy’s™ motion to disqualify Aaron Walker as defense counsel in LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler contains at least one provable lie, …Cheddar201603090233Z… the lack of self-awareness is … well, it’s about average for the Cabin Boy™.

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As usual, the Cabin Boy’s™ motion failed, and his case failed to survive a motion to dismiss.

Lying liars gotta lie, stupid is as stupid does, and everything proceeded as I had foreseen.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Since Brett Kimberlin unwisely took on Aaron Walker in 2012, every Team Kimberlin LOLsuit has ended in failure. Only one LOLsuit made it to trial after having most of its claims thrown out on summary judgment, and the trail was stopped before we defendants put on our case because The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin failed to offer any evidence to support his claims that we had defamed him or invaded his privacy. All TDPK’s peace order petitions similarly failed. None of Bill Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuits have survived motions to dismiss. The peace order petition he filed against Patrick Grady failed because The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt failed to face Mr. Grady in court.

One common feature of most of these LOLsuits has been making claims that aren’t supported by a lawful cause of action. I wrote about that in the TKPOTD from two years ago today.

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A recurring theme in many of the Team Kimberlin LOLsuits is the inclusion of claims for nonexistent torts. For example, two of the claims in the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. nuisance lawsuit were thrown out at summary judgment because they weren’t based on any recognized cause of action. In that case, The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin tried to my codefendants and me for stalking and harassment, but while they are crimes, they are not torts. In the RICO Remnant LOLsuit, he’s trying to sue for conspiracy, and, as Judge Mason told him, that’s not a stand-alone tort either.

popcorn4bkThe Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has followed in his excellent friend’s footsteps. When he filed LOLsuit I: The Emotional Picture, he included a claim for harassment. In LOLsuit IV: The Voyage to Oblivion, the Cabin Boy™ tried to sue for both harassment and conspiracy. In LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler, … well, we’ll see.

Stay tuned.

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The Cabin Boy™ included claims in LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact for which there were no causes of action and wound up having to withdraw them in his amended complaint, and that amend complaint was dismissed because, just like LOLsuits III, IV, and VI, he sued in courts not having personal jurisdiction over the defendants.

And butthurt is still not a tort.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


A couple of years ago, our LULZ muscles were still in the throws of LOLsuit  VI: The Undiscovered Krendler when the Cabin Boy™ submitted an obviously altered document as an exhibit to a filing in that case. I pointed to his screw up in a Legal LULZ Du Jour posted two years ago today.

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This is from an exhibit submitted by the Cabin Boy™ as evidence with both his Complaint and Proposed Amended Complaint in his LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler.Hoge or Johnson

It appears to be altered.

IANAL, but I’ve been told that it’s a bad idea to proffer an altered document to a court of law.

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Schmalfeldt’s reaction to that post resulted in a massive dose of PLM when I suggested that it was time for him to Put Up or Shut Up about his “evidence.”

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Back in November, I received an email from the Cabin Boy™ that included the an image and text from email that he claimed had be sent to the property management company that manages the apartment build where he lives. I posted that email and a second one from him here.

The Cabin Boy™ quotes the first of those two email texts he sent to me in Exhibit 4 of his Proposed Amended Complaint in the LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler. As the Gentle Reader can see, the original version of the exhibit alleged that I sent the email to the property management company, but The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has altered the document to accuse Eric Johnson.

That raises the question of what evidence he has that either one of us sent the email. In the unlikely event that his LOLsuit survives the motions to dismiss, the Cabin Boy™ will undoubtedly have to produce any evidence he has about who sent that email as a part of discovery, and it will surely come out in the open either as part of a motion for summary judgment or at trial. (Stop laughing.) Therefore, if Schmalfeldt has any confidence in his case, he should go ahead and post the email with all its headers.

Of course, it could be that the Cabin Boy™ is simply lying again, and given his track record, that’s not an unreasonable assumption. Come to think of it, that’s probably the only reasonable assumption, and I believe I will adopt it as my publicly stated belief. Of course, if Schmalfeldt were to post proof … but how likely is that?

UPDATE—Cheddar201602070309Z

(c) Whoever corruptly—
(1) alters, destroys, mutilates, or conceals a record, document, or other object, or attempts to do so, with the intent to impair the object’s integrity or availability for use in an official proceeding; or
(2) otherwise obstructs, influences, or impedes any official proceeding, or attempts to do so,
shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 20 years, or both.

—18 U.S.C. 1512

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I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Hit a Nerve, Have We?


I found this in my inbox this morning. The timestamp is in GMT. The Cabin Boy™ sent this within 5 minutes of logging in just after midnight ET.bs-email-201612260529zIt’s apparent that the Cabin Boy™ appears to be unaware of the meaning of apparent.

apparent | ə-ˈper-ənt | adj.: based on evidence that may or may not be factually valid.

The Gentle Reader may read the email exchange of the negotiations in question, consider the Cabin Boy’s™ subsequent filing of bar complaints, and decide for himself whether it appears the Cabin Boy™ negotiated in good faith.

Meanwhile, I stand by my post.

UPDATE—Moar mail from the Cabin Boy™—bs-email-201622261620z

I stand by my post.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


And now our year-in-review of Team Kimberlin new reaches July. A fairly massive quantity of motions, oppositions, and reply went fly through several of the cases in progress, but one case reached resolution—the U. S. District Court for the Eastern District of Wisconsin dismissed the last two defendants (Eric Johnson and Sarah Palmer) in LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler. The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt engaged in settlement negotiations in bad faith in an apparent attempt to set up a pair of frivolous bar complaints against Aaron Walker who had represented the defendants.

His complaints went nowhere, but later in the month TDPS filed LOLsuit VII: Degenerations seeking damages from Patrick Grady and Sarah Palmer. Spoiler alert: The Cabin Boy™ has never won any of the civil suits he’s filed.

Stay tuned for more about August tomorrow.

Bonus Legal LULZ Du Jour


MU201607071605Zpopcorn4bkWhile LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler has been dismissed, I’m told by several lawyers that it is possible for Sarah Palmer and Eric Johnson to seek sanctions against The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt for his behavior related to the LOLsuit. Now that he’s blown off their rather generous settlement offer, I suspect they will now direct their attorney to execute their alternate plan, and I’ll bet the result will not be to the Cabin Boy’s™ liking.

Complaint Department


I’ll just leave this right here—

The VSB [Virginia State Bar] requests that you protect the confidentiality of the system by not discussing your inquiry or our investigation with others.

However, the confidentiality requirement will not protect you from a civil lawsuit by a lawyer who believes he or she has been wrongly accused. Virginia law controls this aspect of inquiries against lawyers, and the VSB has no control over it. If you have concerns about this area of the law, you should consult a private lawyer for advice.

https://www.vsb.org/site/regulation/inquiry