Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


I believe that I’m mentioned before that the members of Team Kimberlin are liars. The odd thing about their lying is their massive incompetence at it. You’d think that anyone with as much practice would eventually learn how to tell a decent whooper. Their lies about their LOLsuits and the in the court papers they filed resulted in an ongoing set of posts titled Prevarication Du Jour. This one ran four years ago today.

* * * * *

Ahem.RD201603261501ZSo the Cabin Boy™ believes that my characterization of Judge Joseph’s order constitutes a lie. Well, I suppose he’s entitled to that belief. However, he’s mistaken.

The Gentle Reader should note that I did not present the underlined words as a direct quote from the judge, but as a summary. She ordered the parties—both plaintiff and defendants—to stop filing paperwork until she could rule on the pending motion to dismiss. That would include things such as the Cabin Boy’s™ motion to disqualify counsel and the defendants’ opposition. It would include stuff such as the paperwork the Cabin Boy™ filed last Monday and any defense responses that would be necessary. Thus, I believe that an impartial observer would find that my words are, in fact, a reasonable summary of the judge’s order.

* * * * *

You’d think that someone alleged to have GS-13 editorial skills would have better reading comprehension.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


After Bill Schmalfeldt fled Maryland after losing LOLsuits III, IV, and V in rapid succession, he spent a bit more than a year in Milwaukee where he lost LOLsuits VI. He then moved on to his hometown of Clinton, Iowa, where he was briefly employed as a disk jockey at a local FM station. That gig didn’t last long, and his failure to keep the job was the subject of some pointage, laughery, and mockification in the comments here at Hogewash!, and that, of course, prompted an outburst from the Cabin Boy™ which was chronicled in a post titled Hilarious? Hilarious How? which ran three years ago today.

* * * * *

What does he mean I’m hilarious? What does he mean, the way I talk? What? Hilarious how? What’s hilarious about it? Hilarious how? Let me understand this, because, ya’ know, maybe it’s me, but I’m hilarious how? Hilarious like a clown? I amuse him? I make him laugh? I’m here to amuse him? Hilarious how? How am I hilarious? What’s so hilarious about me? What’s hilarious?

* * * * *

Actually, what’s hilarious is the Cabin Boy’s™ poor reading comprehension. I haven’t written anything here at Hogewash! about his being fired from his most recent job, but I will now note that he no longer seems be working an afternoon announcing gig at KMCN. OTOH, the Cabin Boy™ has plenty of experience never being impeded by not knowing what he’s talking about.

Failing failures gotta fail.

* * * * *

That post parodied a scene from Goodfellas, a movie containing a putdown line that Schmalfeldt often used. Given the number of jobs that have slipped through the Cabin Boy’s™ fingers over the past three years, something like a shoe shine box might be a reasonable investment for him as a way to pickup a bit of cash.

For the moment, he’s employed again. There are still some dates left on the calendar in the break area.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


The members of Team Kimberlin lie so much that I created as special topic—Prevarication Du Jour—to handle reporting on some of their sillier claims. This PDJ ran four years ago today.

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I’ve lost track of the number of barefaced lies the Cabin Boy™ has been caught telling.Cheddar201602070313ZHere’s how he describes the exhibit containing the email he’s referring to in his original Complaint for LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler—ECF 1 Ex12—and here’s the address block from the email as shown in both Exhibit 12 of the Complaint and Exhibit 4 of the Proposed Amended Complaint.ECF 1 EX12-EmailAs I’ve said before, Bill Schmalfeldt is a liar and not a very good one.

* * * * *

Schmalfeldt’s attempts at spinning false narrative in his court filings are a shoddy at his other attempt at fiction which has posted online or self-published in print.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


One of the basic false premises of the Team Kimberlin LOLsuits has been that it is defamatory to tell the truth about them. The implied threat of legal consequences dealt with in this post, Hit a Nerve, Have We?, from three years ago today never materialized, but the post shows how a member of Team Kimberlin (Bill Schmalfeldt in this case) can easily be triggered by the facts.

* * * * *

I found this in my inbox this morning. The timestamp is in GMT. The Cabin Boy™ sent this within 5 minutes of logging in just after midnight ET.bs-email-201612260529zIt’s apparent that the Cabin Boy™ appears to be unaware of the meaning of apparent.

apparent | ə-ˈper-ənt | adj.: based on evidence that may or may not be factually valid.

The Gentle Reader may read the email exchange of the negotiations in question, consider the Cabin Boy’s™ subsequent filing of bar complaints, and decide for himself whether it appears the Cabin Boy™ negotiated in good faith.

Meanwhile, I stand by my post.

UPDATE—Moar mail from the Cabin Boy™—bs-email-201622261620z

I stand by my post.

* * * * *

And Schmalfeldt didn’t do anything.

Eventually, the Cabin Boy™ would sue me one more time, and of course, lost that case (LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact) as he did all the others.

Facts are stubborn things.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


The never-ending parade of silly mistakes made by The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt in their various LOLsuits have yielded a gold mine of pointage, laughery, and mockification. Here are some bits from the TKPOTD, a Legal LULZ Du Jour, and a Bonus Legal LULZ Du Jour from four years ago today.

* * * * *

I’ve been rereading some of The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin’s recent filings in the five active lawsuits in which he is a party. (BTW, four are LOLsuits he’s filed against me.) His writing is becoming … how to put this? … wilder and more full of stupid errors and omissions. I just finished reviewing something from one of the state cases, and its fatal error is both obvious and quite stunning. I won’t write about that mistake here because it’s the judge’s job to educate the midget on this one.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ has a DOOM CLOCK running over at his Derp Brain Radio website (No, I won’t link to it.) that shows 32 days remaining for the return of waiver of service forms he says he’s sent to the defendants in LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler.

Fed. R. Civ. P. 4(d)(3) says—

A defendant who, before being served with process, timely returns a waiver need not serve an answer to the complaint until 60 days after the request was sent[.]

Even if the waiver request forms had been sent the day the LOLsuit was filed, there would still be 54 days remaining for the defendants to respond. But I suppose following the Rules is hypertechnical. And math is hard.

UPDATE—Or perhaps it means that the Cabin Boy™ is exercising his option to allow at least 30 days but less than 60 days for the return of the waiver forms. Whatever. Setting the minimum time for return of the waiver forms won’t change when any answers or dispositive motions are due.

popcorn4bkUPDATE 2—The Cabin Boy™ has a post up “correcting” this one. I checked his “correction” with a lawyer, and I’ll wait for Schmalfeldt to find out the hard way how wrong he is.

Oh, and I see from his post that he’s still too afraid to include me in his LOLsuit.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ has yet another post up over at his Derp Brain Radio website (No, I won’t link to it.) in which he demonstrates his poor reading comprehension and his poor knowledge of the legal resources I have at hand. Given his track record, it’s possible that he has come up with a novel way to screw up service of process. We shall see.

popcorn4bkAs I noted earlier today, The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s fear of having to face me in court will keep me out of LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler, at least for the nonce, and I expect that the amended complaint [redacted]. All this means is that he’s surrendered his chance to control the actual venue after [redacted]. Meanwhile, I get to sit on the sidelines and point and laugh.

Heh.

* * * * *

Tomorrow is Christmas Day, and this feature will take the day off.

So head out to the store to finish your shopping (or pickup more popcorn), enjoy the holiday, and …

Stay tuned.

* * * * *

Yes, Merry Christmas, everyone!

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


I began writing about Brett Kimberlin’s attempts to use lawfare to suppress the First Amendment rights of his critics to report truthfully on him and his activities in May, 2012. Since then, I’ve been the subject of numerous legal attacks by him and his enablers and supporters, but I’ve not been alone. I’ve had over 40 codefendants in civil suits from Kimberlin and more than a dozen codefendants in suits filed by his PR flack Bill Schmalfeldt.

One common feature of all the pro se lawsuits filed by Team Kimberlin, whether I was a defendant or not, was the incompetent manner in which the plaintiffs conducted them. After the dismissal of Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler, he filed a bar complaint against Aaron Walker, the lawyer who successfully represented the defendants. While mind-bogglingly stupid, that move was not unexpected, as I reported three years ago in an I’m Not Making This Up, You Know post.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ has filed a pair of frivolous bar complaints against Aaron Walker.

I suppose this is what he thought would be Hell raining down.

BTW, I read over the settlement the Cabin Boy™ was offered. I doubt that he will ever see such a generous one ever again.

UPDATE—MU201607051859Zgas_stove_burner_s1As a matter of fact, the bar complaints were foreseen. It’s a common tactic employed by Team Kimberlin.

That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire,
And the burnt Fool’s bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire …

* * * * *

Whether against Justice Clarence Thomas or Aaron Walker or whomever, none of Team Kimberlin’s bar complaints have been found to have any merit.

Or to put it another way—everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt may be plus-sized overall, but he has acts as if he has incredibly thin skin. He became so bent out of shape over truthful reporting about and criticism of his conduct of LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler that he decided to complain to the magistrate judge handling the case about me. Three years ago today, I responded to his threats with this Legal LULZ Du Jour.

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RD201603191531ZGo ahead. Make my day.

* * * * *

He went ahead and filed his paperwork which I published after it appeared on PACER three days later.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ really did file these with the court—

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

* * * * *

So where are we three years later?

Aaron Walker was able  to manage his clients’ defense. He won the case for them.

The Cabin Boy™ lost LOLsuit VI. And LOLsuit VII. And LOLsuit VIII. At this point, he’s failed to convince judges in Maryland, Wisconsin, Illinois, and South Carolina that he has been the victim of defamation, invasion of privacy, intentional infliction of emotional distress, or mopery with intent to lurk.

OTOH, judges in Maryland, Arizona, Massachusetts, Illinois, and North Carolina have found that Schmalfeldt engaged in behaviors warranting the issuance of various forms of restrain orders, one of which was to protect a three year old child.

The Cabin Boy™ has been fired or left under suspicious circumstance from multiple jobs.

I’m still working part time as a paralegal and full time as engineering contractor.

Nothing has proceeded as the Cabin Boy™ has hallucinated.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Today is the fourth anniversary of The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin’s filing the Kimberlin v. Hunton & Williams, et al. RICO 2: Electric Boogaloo LOLsuit. Three years ago, The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler was in the motions to dismiss phase. Here’s another twofer from three years ago today, the TKPOTD and a Legal LULZ Du Jour.

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It’s easy to make fun of the Cabin Boy™ when he writes the punchlines of the jokes.RD201603152007ZThe veracity of his briefs?

How veracious is his claim the Brett Kimberlin isn’t a convicted terrorist? Brett Kimberlin engaged a serial bombing campaign that terrorized the town of Speedway, Indiana. He sued Aaron Walker, Stacy McCain, Ali Akbar, and me for a million dollars, claiming that we engaged in false light invasion of privacy by calling him a terrorist. He lost that lawsuit.

How veracious is his claim that Brett Kimberlin isn’t responsible for the death of Carl DeLong? An Indiana trial jury found him responsible, and the Indiana Supreme Court upheld their verdict.

How veracious is his claim that Aaron Walker is currently a defendant in yet another Kimberlin LOLsuit? Aaron was dismissed from the RICO Retread LOLsuit on a mix of motions for dismissal for failure to state a claim and for summary judgment back in January.

How veracious is … oh, you get the point. Bill Schmalfeldt is a liar.

One does not simply lie in a declaration to the court and expect not to get burned.

One more thing … Bill Schmalfeldt is an adjudicated harasser and an adjudicated cyberstalker of a minor child. While I take no pleasure in writing that statement, I have a certain appreciation for its irony. You see, Gentle Reader, Bill Schmalfeldt was among the cyberthugs who were engaging in online defamation of me just about this time last year, claiming that I had engaged in online harassment of a teenage girl. Their story was false, and both the civil and criminal actions filed against me fizzled. OTOH, the Cabin Boy™ now has collected a total of nine restraining/peace/no-contact orders issued by courts in five states, and one of them protects a three-year old kid.

* * * * *

RD201603160135Z

IIRC, it was the Cabin Boy™ who used a declaration from Brett Kimberlin as an exhibit supporting a motion.

One does not simply lie in a declaration to the court and expect not to get burned.

* * * * *

The Truth is out there, but the Cabin Boy™ has no idea where.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


One of the common failings among most of the Team Kimberlin LOLsuits has been suing for things that aren’t actual causes of action for civil cases. For example, The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin sued my codefendants and me for harassment and stalking in the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. nuisance LOLsuit, and the court threw those counts out because they’re not things one can bring a suit over in Maryland. The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has similar issues with many of his cases. The TKPOTD from three year ago today deals with one such problem with LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler.

* * * * *

Here’s a bit of Wisconsin case law that may affect the Cabin Boy’s™ LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler—

Wisconsin does not recognize “false light invasion of privacy[.]”

Ladd v. Uecker, 2010 WI.App. 28, 789 N.W.2d 216, 218 (2010). IANAL, but it raises an interesting question.

* * * * *

The Gentle Reader should not be surprised to learn that the Cabin Boy’™ claim for false light invasion of privacy failed.

Team Kimberlin is made up of slow learners. Even by the time of LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact in 2017, three years after Kimberlin had his harassment and stalking counts dismissed from the first LOLsuit, Count I in the Cabin Boy’s™ LOLsuit was for “Harassment and Stalking.”

Stupid is as stupid does.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


February has not been a good month for The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt. Yesterday, we celebrated the fourth anniversary of his filing of LOLsuit III: The Search for Schlock. Today, it’s the third anniversary of his filing the first amended complaint in LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler. I posted his amended complaint in this INMTUYK.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ actually filed this—

Portions of the exhibits have been redacted because they contain material that is unsuitable for this blog.

* * * * *

The exhibits he attached put the transcripts of his skits that some consider to be kiddie porn in the court record. That placed the texts in the public domain. It also authenticated his authorship of them.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


The TKPOTD a few days ago dealt with Bill Schmalfedt’s sticking his nose into to something that wasn’t any of his business. He has a history of doing that quite a lot. This post from three years ago today titled It’s Billogical! details another example of his unwelcome intrusion into the lives of others.

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The Cabin Boy’s™ wild goose du jour has to do with his finding a prayer request for a woman he believes is Patrick Grady’s wife in a bulletin from a church in the same town where the Gradys live. He offers no evidence that the Gradys are members or otherwise associated with that church or that the woman in question is actually Patrick Grady’s wife. They may be, and she may be, but he offers no evidence.

But that’s not the real Billogical leap.

The Cabin Boy™ has latched onto the fantasy that the prayer request proves that the post published by Paul Krendler about his daughter being in an accident is somehow about Mrs. Grady instead. Because of all this, he imagines that Patrick Grady has some explaining to do. (Apparently, Grady is Paul Krendler again.) This is another example of Schmalfeldt’s inability to keep timestamps straight.

Krendler’s post about his daughter was put up on 28 May, 2015, and the church bulletin is for May, 2015. The Cabin Boy™ has thus jumped to the conclusion that these dates prove … something! Of course, what it proves is that Schmalfeldt has no idea of the meaning of due diligence. If he had examined the bulletin’s metadata, he would have seen that it was published at the end of April—just like most other publications that laid out a schedule of events for a coming month of May. Moreover, if he had looked at the next item down the page from the prayer request he would have seen this—NatDayPrayer

If the bulletin was published in a time frame where “May 7th” was “next Thursday,” then it probably was issued before that date. All the Cabin Boy™ had to do was read the entire page where he found that prayer request, and he would have known that his “evidence” didn’t fit his Billogical preconceptions.

Bill Schmalfeldt has yet again invaded the privacy of the Grady family (and perhaps a second family and their church as well). I’ve met Patrick Grady. He strikes me as a thoughtful and patient fellow, but if I were in his shoes, my patience would be exhausted, and I would be seeking to have the existing stalking no contact order enforced.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ included Patrick Grady among the defendants in his most recent losing LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact. Neither The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt nor The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin have been able top establish the identity of Paul Krendler. The Cabin Boy™ claimed that Patrick Grady am Paul Krendler in LOLsuit V: The Final in Maryland, and that case was dismissed with prejudice. Schmalfeldt’s excellent friend claimed that I am Paul Krendler in his RICO 2: Electric Boogaloo LOLsuit. That suit was dismissed with prejudice.

By 2016, TDPK had lost enough LOLsuits to figure out that res judicata prevented him from recycling his specious claims against me, and he dropped me from the state RICO 2 Retread LOLsuit. However, The Cabin Boy™ is a slower learner. He sued Patrick Grady alleging that he’s Paul Krendler three more times. He hasn’t done a fourth time. Yet. We’ve yet to see if he’s really learned his lesson.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


I have to admit that I’ve found the pointage, laughery, and mockification assosciated with The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuits that did not include me as a defendant as wonderful sources of amusement. Today is the third anniversary of the beginning of LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ has announced the filing of his next LOLsuit. He says that he’s mailed it to the U. S. District Court in Milwaukee and that the named defendants are Patrick Grady of Palatine, IL, Eric P. Johnson of Paris, TN, Sarah “Rose” Palmer of Reidsville, NC, Dianna Deeley of San Francisco, CA, The William G. Irwin Charitable Foundation of San Francisco, CA, and Nancy Gilly of Groton, CT. He says they engaged in State Law Torts, Unlawful Use of Computerized Communications Equipment, Harassment, Invasion of Privacy/Right to Publicity, Stalking, Defamation Per Se, and Mopery with Intent to Lurk Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress.

orvilleredenbacherHe has also said that he will seek John Doe subpoenas to try to identify the following individuals to be added to his LOLsuit: Techno Jinx, MJ, Roy Schmalfeldt, Vigilans Vindex, Pablo, Neal N. Bob, This Other Latin F*cker, Perry Mason, Howard Earl, A.B., Tao, Jane, Grace, Dr_Mile [sic], Katie Scarlett, Rob Crawford, The 13th Diuke [sic] of Wymborne, Kobayashi Maru, AJ Fornicarious Hoc, JeffM, Gus Bailey, and Colonol [sic] Victor Trollpoker.

Click on the image above to buy more popcorn from Amazon.

* * * * *

The bulk of LOLsuit VI collapsed fairly early on, and the case that lingered against a couple of the defendants was thoroughly defeated at the hands of a lawyer who the Cabin Boy™ had tried to deride as incompetent.

Nothing proceeded as the Cabin Boy™ had hallucinated.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


One of the sillier aspects of Team Kimberlin’s attempts to use the courts for their campaign of brass knuckles reputation management has been their use of pro se LOLsuits. It’s been a pain in the neck (or a couple of feet lower) to be on the receiving end of some of them, but I’ve won every one that The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt have filed against me. Indeed, they haven’t won any of the cases they’ve filed since the beginning of 2012. One example of their pro se incompetence was pointed out in this Legal LULZ Du Jour from three years ago today.

Let me set the stage. During the closing days of 2105, the Cabin Boy™ was tooling up for what became LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler, and he was ranting on the Internet about the direst of dire direness the he imagined lay ahead for his adversaries.

* * * * *

The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt is threatening Paul Krendler with a Brodie motion.TheMerryWidower201511282145Z

Apparently, the Cabin Boy™ is planning on bring suit in Maryland, the only state where so-called Brodie Motions are filed. A Brodie Motion asks a court for a John Doe subpoena to an ISP seeking a user’s identity pursuant to the case law in Independent Newspapers, Inc. v. Brodie, 407 Md. 415 (2009).

IANAL, but I’m unaware of any similar case law applicable in the Eastern District of Wisconsin or the Seventh Circuit.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy’s™ ignorance is of a special form. His problem isn’t that he doesn’t know much. It’s that so much of what he knows is wrong.

BTW, LOLsuit VI was aptly named. The Cabin Boy™ wasn’t able to use it to identify the anonymous blogger Paul Krendler. LOLsuits VII and VIII also failed.

Losing losers gotta lose.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


On the one hand, it can be a pain in the neck ( or a couple of feet lower) to be the target of one of Bill Schmalfeldt’s failed LOLsuits. OTOH, those suits have been bountiful sources of  pointage, laughery, and mockification as this post from two years ago about A Bad Day in St. Francis shows.

* * * * *

Judge Joseph has issued an order dealing with all of the open motions in the LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler except for the defendants’ motion to dismiss.

“… nonsensical, not to mention impractical.” Yep, that’s about the size of it.

* * * * *

When a judge starts referring to a litigant’s filings as “nonsensical, not to mention impractical,” you’d think that litigant might begin to wonder whether the court considers him to be credible and consider withdrawing his case. But LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler was filed by The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt, so months of further PLM ensued.

And some of us did well with our popcorn futures.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


There’s an old lawyer’s saying that when the facts are against you, stress the law; when the law is against you, stress the facts; and when the facts and the law are both against you, yell and pound the table. When yelling and pounding fail, Team Kimberlin provides us with Legal LULZ.

* * * * *

SRUs201604151839ZIs either The Worst Attorney Teabagger® or TWAT® a registered trademark? If so, does either one belong to the Cabin Boy™?

17 U.S.C. § 1326 PENALTY FOR FALSE MARKING
(a) In General.—Whoever, for the purpose of deceiving the public, marks upon, applies to, or uses in advertising in connection with an article made, used, distributed, or sold, a design which is not protected under this chapter, a design notice specified in section 1306, or any other words or symbols importing that the design is protected under this chapter, knowing that the design is not so protected, shall pay a civil fine of not more than $500 for each such offense.

(b) Suit by Private Persons.—Any person may sue for the penalty established by subsection (a), in which event one-half of the penalty shall be awarded to the person suing and the remainder shall be awarded to the United States.

There’s a big difference in the meaning of ® compared to ™.

* * * * *

Every time Team Kimberlin has filed a motion for sanctions against a defendant or defendants counsel, the motion has failed. Their motions to sanction third parties have failed. But there’s no surprise there. After all, each of their LOLsuits have been the equivalent of a knife at a gunfight.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Two years ago, LOLsuit VI The Undiscovered Krendler was alive, and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has just filed a motion to disqualify Aaron Walker as counsel for the two remaining named defendants in the case. That motion included this sworn statement:

The Gentle Reader who has not been following The Saga of Team Kimberlin since 2016 should not be surprised to learn that the defendants filed an opposition to the Cabin Boy’s™ motion, and that Schmalfeldt reacted stupidly on Twitter. Hogewash! reported his folly under the headline I’m Not Making This Up, You Know.

* * * * *

Given that every single paragraph of the declaration by Brett Kimberlin filed as an exhibit with the Cabin Boy’s™ motion to disqualify Aaron Walker as defense counsel in LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler contains at least one provable lie, …Cheddar201603090233Z… the lack of self-awareness is … well, it’s about average for the Cabin Boy™.

* * * * *

As usual, the Cabin Boy’s™ motion failed, and his case failed to survive a motion to dismiss.

Lying liars gotta lie, stupid is as stupid does, and everything proceeded as I had foreseen.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Since Brett Kimberlin unwisely took on Aaron Walker in 2012, every Team Kimberlin LOLsuit has ended in failure. Only one LOLsuit made it to trial after having most of its claims thrown out on summary judgment, and the trail was stopped before we defendants put on our case because The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin failed to offer any evidence to support his claims that we had defamed him or invaded his privacy. All TDPK’s peace order petitions similarly failed. None of Bill Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuits have survived motions to dismiss. The peace order petition he filed against Patrick Grady failed because The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt failed to face Mr. Grady in court.

One common feature of most of these LOLsuits has been making claims that aren’t supported by a lawful cause of action. I wrote about that in the TKPOTD from two years ago today.

* * * * *

A recurring theme in many of the Team Kimberlin LOLsuits is the inclusion of claims for nonexistent torts. For example, two of the claims in the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. nuisance lawsuit were thrown out at summary judgment because they weren’t based on any recognized cause of action. In that case, The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin tried to my codefendants and me for stalking and harassment, but while they are crimes, they are not torts. In the RICO Remnant LOLsuit, he’s trying to sue for conspiracy, and, as Judge Mason told him, that’s not a stand-alone tort either.

popcorn4bkThe Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has followed in his excellent friend’s footsteps. When he filed LOLsuit I: The Emotional Picture, he included a claim for harassment. In LOLsuit IV: The Voyage to Oblivion, the Cabin Boy™ tried to sue for both harassment and conspiracy. In LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler, … well, we’ll see.

Stay tuned.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ included claims in LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact for which there were no causes of action and wound up having to withdraw them in his amended complaint, and that amend complaint was dismissed because, just like LOLsuits III, IV, and VI, he sued in courts not having personal jurisdiction over the defendants.

And butthurt is still not a tort.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


A couple of years ago, our LULZ muscles were still in the throws of LOLsuit  VI: The Undiscovered Krendler when the Cabin Boy™ submitted an obviously altered document as an exhibit to a filing in that case. I pointed to his screw up in a Legal LULZ Du Jour posted two years ago today.

* * * * *

This is from an exhibit submitted by the Cabin Boy™ as evidence with both his Complaint and Proposed Amended Complaint in his LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler.Hoge or Johnson

It appears to be altered.

IANAL, but I’ve been told that it’s a bad idea to proffer an altered document to a court of law.

* * * * *

Schmalfeldt’s reaction to that post resulted in a massive dose of PLM when I suggested that it was time for him to Put Up or Shut Up about his “evidence.”

* * * * *

Back in November, I received an email from the Cabin Boy™ that included the an image and text from email that he claimed had be sent to the property management company that manages the apartment build where he lives. I posted that email and a second one from him here.

The Cabin Boy™ quotes the first of those two email texts he sent to me in Exhibit 4 of his Proposed Amended Complaint in the LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler. As the Gentle Reader can see, the original version of the exhibit alleged that I sent the email to the property management company, but The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has altered the document to accuse Eric Johnson.

That raises the question of what evidence he has that either one of us sent the email. In the unlikely event that his LOLsuit survives the motions to dismiss, the Cabin Boy™ will undoubtedly have to produce any evidence he has about who sent that email as a part of discovery, and it will surely come out in the open either as part of a motion for summary judgment or at trial. (Stop laughing.) Therefore, if Schmalfeldt has any confidence in his case, he should go ahead and post the email with all its headers.

Of course, it could be that the Cabin Boy™ is simply lying again, and given his track record, that’s not an unreasonable assumption. Come to think of it, that’s probably the only reasonable assumption, and I believe I will adopt it as my publicly stated belief. Of course, if Schmalfeldt were to post proof … but how likely is that?

UPDATE—Cheddar201602070309Z

(c) Whoever corruptly—
(1) alters, destroys, mutilates, or conceals a record, document, or other object, or attempts to do so, with the intent to impair the object’s integrity or availability for use in an official proceeding; or
(2) otherwise obstructs, influences, or impedes any official proceeding, or attempts to do so,
shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 20 years, or both.

—18 U.S.C. 1512

* * * * *

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Hit a Nerve, Have We?


I found this in my inbox this morning. The timestamp is in GMT. The Cabin Boy™ sent this within 5 minutes of logging in just after midnight ET.bs-email-201612260529zIt’s apparent that the Cabin Boy™ appears to be unaware of the meaning of apparent.

apparent | ə-ˈper-ənt | adj.: based on evidence that may or may not be factually valid.

The Gentle Reader may read the email exchange of the negotiations in question, consider the Cabin Boy’s™ subsequent filing of bar complaints, and decide for himself whether it appears the Cabin Boy™ negotiated in good faith.

Meanwhile, I stand by my post.

UPDATE—Moar mail from the Cabin Boy™—bs-email-201622261620z

I stand by my post.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


And now our year-in-review of Team Kimberlin new reaches July. A fairly massive quantity of motions, oppositions, and reply went fly through several of the cases in progress, but one case reached resolution—the U. S. District Court for the Eastern District of Wisconsin dismissed the last two defendants (Eric Johnson and Sarah Palmer) in LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler. The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt engaged in settlement negotiations in bad faith in an apparent attempt to set up a pair of frivolous bar complaints against Aaron Walker who had represented the defendants.

His complaints went nowhere, but later in the month TDPS filed LOLsuit VII: Degenerations seeking damages from Patrick Grady and Sarah Palmer. Spoiler alert: The Cabin Boy™ has never won any of the civil suits he’s filed.

Stay tuned for more about August tomorrow.

Bonus Legal LULZ Du Jour


MU201607071605Zpopcorn4bkWhile LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler has been dismissed, I’m told by several lawyers that it is possible for Sarah Palmer and Eric Johnson to seek sanctions against The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt for his behavior related to the LOLsuit. Now that he’s blown off their rather generous settlement offer, I suspect they will now direct their attorney to execute their alternate plan, and I’ll bet the result will not be to the Cabin Boy’s™ liking.

Complaint Department


I’ll just leave this right here—

The VSB [Virginia State Bar] requests that you protect the confidentiality of the system by not discussing your inquiry or our investigation with others.

However, the confidentiality requirement will not protect you from a civil lawsuit by a lawyer who believes he or she has been wrongly accused. Virginia law controls this aspect of inquiries against lawyers, and the VSB has no control over it. If you have concerns about this area of the law, you should consult a private lawyer for advice.

https://www.vsb.org/site/regulation/inquiry

Speaking of Emails


The Cabin Boy™ published part of the email exchange he had with Aaron Walker during negotiations for a settlement agreement for LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler. He has selectively edited the emails. When one reads the complete exchange in light of Schmalfeldt’s subsequent actions, it is not unreasonable to suspect that he was not negotiating in good faith.

From: Aaron Walker
Date: Sat, Jul 2, 2016 at 4:43 PM
Subject: starting a discussion on settlement…
To: Bill Schmalfeldt

Bill,

Let’s start with where you are. You have lost the case. In your angry response you said you were offering nothing. Bluntly, that is your best case scenario. Your best case scenario is nothing happens to you.

Your worst case scenario is owing them over $5,000 in legal fees, getting a vexatious litigant designation on you and a pre-filing order. In that situation, they would be allowed to garnish your social security and require you to sell non-essential items, such as a cell phone, your ipad, any desktop computers and television. This would render the last years of your life pretty miserable, I imagine.

You might recall that I made an offer when this case first started. However, we are in a very different posture today. We have had to actually expended effort to end this case, and now we are in a position there is no scenario where my clients end up owing you a dime. Specifically this is what they want today:

1. We agree not to pursue sanctions.

2. You agree to a pre-filing order preventing you from filing further suits without a judge’s approval. Hey, and that’s not all bad for you—in essence that judge will be giving you free legal advice.

3. You pay my clients $1,000 total. How they divide it among themselves is their business. A payment plan can be worked out.

4. You agree to a restraining order including terms identical to the stalking/no contact order she has for herself and her grandson, with similar terms to protect her daughter, and also including a promise not to contact her husband anymore.

5. You are not required to admit you did anything wrong, or that you are a vexatious litigant and the agreement can be kept confidential.

For everyone’s protection (including yours), I will state the following. I am not offering to make an agreement. I am offering to enter into non-binding negotiations with the non-binding hope that we may conclude with an agreement. No agreement is valid until it is signed by all relevant parties. However, I propose that we enter into such negotiations for an agreement that would state that the parties would enter into a consent decree that conforms generally to the above-proposed terms.

Right now, in the posture you are in, you can only lose or not lose. You can’t actually win, in the sense that you get anything from my clients. And you have a judge who is evidently very irritated with you. She told you to get out of her courtroom. She might very much like the idea of 1) preventing you from coming back and 2) making you rue the day you ever filed suit. Given the totality of the circumstances, these are very reasonable terms.

I suggest you give the matter a great deal of thought and not respond impulsively. Naturally, if you can find legal counsel, please consult with him or her. Seriously, take a few days, enjoy this nation’s birthday and then get back to me. If you like these terms, let me know and we can flesh out a contract along these lines. If you don’t, try to think of what you want instead. It is in your interest to control your risks in this situation.

Aaron

P.S.: in one of your emails you expressed a concern that we might agree to something and then Sarah and Eric would go after you on their own. Respectfully, you misunderstand the rights involved or the agreement contemplated. I have no rights to anything in relation to this case. They are the ones potentially owed a paycheck even if it is for my work. So the agreement that would be drafted would be between you and them.

**********

On Sat, Jul 2, 2016 at 5:12 PM, Bill Schmalfeldt wrote:

OK, I think I’ve got it.

You’re saying that I must send you $1000 to divide among your clients (some of which will go into your pocket, I suppose). I have to agree to a pre-filing order, I must agree to another restraining order, including a promise to never contact Michael Palmer. And if I don’t agree, you will pursue sanctions. Am I understanding you properly? Are you waiving fees, or are you going to be reimbursed by the check I send you for the defendants?

**********

From: Aaron Walker
Date: Sat, Jul 2, 2016 at 5:34 PM
Subject: Re: starting a discussion on settlement…
To: Bill Schmalfeldt

Yes, I think you mostly got it.

Except you need clarification on the question of fees. By waiving sanctions, we are waiving fees, including attorneys fees. So whether I get paid will be at that point between myself and my clients. This would decisively end the case and limit your exposure in relationship to it.

Feel free to ask for further clarification as needed if I am not clear. But don’t expect any response to email to be super quick, if only because there’s often a long delay before seeing it.

Again, these are proposed terms of an agreement we will be negotiating. Nothing is final until it is written down and signed.

Aaron

**********

From: Bill Schmalfeldt
Date: July 2, 2016 at 5:46:44 PM EDT
To: Aaron Walker
Subject: Re: starting a discussion on settlement…

Send me a draft as soon as you can. If I am going to decide by Tuesday, I need time to mull it over.

**********

From: Aaron Walker
Date: Sun, Jul 3, 2016 at 6:06 PM
Subject: proposed agreement
To: Bill Schmalfeldt

Bill,

Attached find 3 documents. They work together and I suggest you read them in order. First, you have the settlement agreement. As part of the agreement, you agree to a consent decree and in turn you need a brief motion to get it before the court.

While you should consult with your own lawyer, please note that the “Whereas” parts technically have no legal effect, and as stated in the proposed contract, neither do the headers. I included a miscellaneous section that includes a lot of standard provisions for contracts, all of which are mutual and innocuous.

I’ll add that restraint on future litigation is taken from a vexatious litigant order I found in another case, but stripped of any language suggesting you have engaged in wrongdoing. The part that is a restraining order uses language ripped straight from the stalking no contact order currently in effect.

I tried to write it in a way that is acceptable to all parties. But obviously, I am not your lawyer and I recommend that you consult with your own lawyer. But if you are okay with it, I will turn it all into one giant pdf, that attaches the consent motion and the consent decree as indicated and we can execute it—i.e. sign it. Just to protect both sides, this agreement is not final and agreed to until signed by both sides as described in that agreement.

Finally, as a logistical issue, do you have access to a scanner? Or even possibly a fax? If not in your apartment, then in your community? You will see a section on “counterparts” that deals with signatures, etc. and if you don’t have access to those kinds of tools, we may have to rewrite it to accommodate you.

So let me know if this seems acceptable to you, and as I said, if it is, I will prepare the final to be signed pdf. And naturally if it is not acceptable, let me know what is wrong and we’ll see if we can work it out.

Aaron

**********

On Sun, Jul 3, 2016 at 6:18 PM, Bill Schmalfeldt wrote:

OK, there’s the apple. Thank you.

Now, I want to see the stick. I want a clear statement from you as attorney for your clients what happens if I decline to agree to any of this. I don’t see anything in your documents that says, “in consideration of (our not seeking sanctions against Mr. Schmalfeldt or words to that effect), Mr. Schmalfeldt agrees to…”

These documents have me agreeing to pay money and abide by certain stipulations, but they don’t say why.

Rather than having you redraw the documents at the here and now, just please tell me what language you will add to them to provide the court with a reason for my being so “generous” with the defendants. I will accept the wording you submit by e-mail and trust they will be incorporated into the documents before signing.

Thanks again for your speedy response on a holiday weekend.

**********

From: Aaron Walker
Date: Sun, Jul 3, 2016 at 8:21 PM
Subject: Re: proposed agreement
To: Bill Schmalfeldt

Bill,

You seem to want the agreement to make it clear that you are giving the $1,000 in exchange for them releasing you from any potential sanctions.

First, technically the agreement already says that. You have that paragraph toward the beginning that reads:

“NOW THEREFORE, in consideration of the mutual promises and releases contained herein and for other good and valuable consideration, the sufficiency of which is hereby acknowledged, the parties agree as follows:”

I admit legalese can be dense, but in essence, it is saying that everything Eric and Sarah do for you is in exchange for everything you do for Eric and Sarah, and vice versa.

Second, if you still want it to be hit-you-over-the-head obvious then how about an alteration something like this? (The new language is in underline).

“2. Compensation to parties. William Schmalfeldt agrees to pay Eric Johnson and Sarah Palmer together the amount of $1,000.00 total. Such payment is to be made in a single $1,000.00 check made payable to Sarah Palmer at [redacted]., Reidsville, North Carolina, 27320. How this amount will be distributed among Sarah Palmer and Eric Johnson or any third party is a matter of their discretion. Such payment is made in consideration of the releases Sarah Palmer and Eric Johnson provided in paragraph 3.”

And viola, anyone who reads this will understand why you are paying it.

So does that meet your needs? Would you like to see it even more explicitly tied to sanctions? I will say bluntly as it is written now without any alterations at all, it makes it clear to… well… us geeky lawyers, but if you want it clearer for lay people, that’s fine. I’ll add that you can feel free to quote from this email if anyone asks about it. We could even call it “payment of settlement of sanctions claim” as the header if you feel it would be clarifying.

I will add that there was a reason why I wasn’t more explicit previously. I felt it was likely to be important to you to avoid admitting that you did something wrong and to avoid doing anything that even sounds like you are admitting you did something wrong. So the more we make it sound specifically like a settlement of the sanction claim, the more it sounds like you are admitting doing something wrong. So I wrote it that way, bluntly, to save face for you. So if you feel more strongly about tying to sanctions, then that is fine. This was done in your anticipated benefit, so if you don’t want it, that is fine.

Again, I say that not as your lawyer, and I recommend that you consult with your own lawyer (I know you know this, but it never hurts to repeat it).

Aaron

**********

On Sun, Jul 3, 2016 at 8:29 PM, Bill Schmalfeldt wrote:

I have no problem admitting if I did something wrong. So, if you don’t mind, would you include something Fred Flintstone himself would understand tying my accepting this agreement to the clients not filing for sanctions?

Gracias.

**********

From: Aaron Walker
Date: Sun, Jul 3, 2016 at 8:43 PM
Subject: Re: proposed agreement
To: Bill Schmalfeldt

Bill,

In line with your suggestion to make it super obvious, this is how I made paragraph 2 look:

“2. Payment in Settlement of Sanctions Claim. William Schmalfeldt agrees to pay Eric Johnson and Sarah Palmer together the amount of $1,000.00 total. Such payment is to be made in a single $1,000.00 check made payable to Sarah Palmer at [redacted], Reidsville, North Carolina, 27320. How this amount will be distributed among Sarah Palmer and Eric Johnson or any third party is a matter of their discretion. Such payment is made in consideration of the releases Sarah Palmer and Eric Johnson provided in paragraph 3, including but not limited to the release of any claim for sanctions arising from Schmalfeldt v. Johnson, et al.”

The changes are solely in the header for the paragraph and the last sentence of the paragraph. i think that is obvious enough for your purposes.

So let me know if I should get that final pdf made to sign. Also will you be able to scan your signed copy? Or maybe even fax it? Let me know.

And as per usual, the agreement is not final until signed in conformity with that agreement. I hate to keep saying that stuff, but its for both sides’ protection.

Aaron

**********

From: Aaron Walker
Date: Sun, Jul 3, 2016 at 9:45 PM
Subject: pdf version of the settlement agreement with the attachments included as promised….
To: Bill Schmalfeldt

if you wish this to be final, sign it and scan it back to me. Scan the whole document, to avoid ambiguity–don’t just send me the signature page. If you need to fax it, well… life gets more complicated, but we will work it out.

Aaron

**********

On Jul 4, 2016, at 2:36 PM, Bill Schmalfeldt wrote:

One more question before I decide.

What is your legal basis for seeking sanctions in a case that has already been dismissed?

B

**********

On Jul 4, 2016, at 1:44 PM, Aaron Walker wrote:

Bill, I’m in the middle of family.

I’ll talk to you much later.

Aaron

**********

On July 4, 2016, at 2:55 PM, Bill Schmalfeldt wrote:

It’s a simple question, really. Case has been dismissed. What is your legal basis for filing sanctions? Need to know before I can agree.

**********

On Jul 4, 2016, at 2:32 PM, Aaron Justin Walker wrote:

Its a simple question, but its not a simple answer and I don’t have all the resources to give the answer in depth. But let me try one without citations, etc.

There are three potential sources of sanctions.

First, there’s a Wisconsin statute that provides for sanctions for filing where there isn’t personal jurisdiction.

Second, Wisconsin’s privacy statute provides for attorneys fees fie the prevailing party.

Third, FRCP 11 provides relief from lawsuits that do not have a sufficient legal or factual basis.

If you reread both motions to dismiss you see we thoroughly believe the case shouldn’t have been brought. There was no subject matter jurisdiction, there was no personal jurisdiction and the complaint didn’t allege a basis for relief. For instance, there is no cause of action for false light at all. And even where it exists, you can’t use it to collaterally attack a restraining order. Furthermore, your practice of suing and saying never mind supports the inference that you are abusing the courts, justifying a vexatious litigant order and punitive sanctions. All of that and the first amendment concerns support significant monetary sanctions.

That’s not a thorough explanation but it should give you a sense of the issue, and its all I can give at the moment.

Aaron

**********

From: Bill Schmalfeldt
Date: July 4, 2016 at 3:45:58 PM EDT
To: Aaron Justin Walker
Subject: Re: Thanks again.

Thanks for taking the time.

**********

On July 4, 2016, at 5:42 PM, Bill Schmalfeldt wrote:

I will have an answer for you either later tonight or early tomorrow. One more question, and this is a simple yes or no.

If I do not agree to these terms, you WILL file for sanctions in accordance with FRCP Rule 11, Wisc. § 805 and other statutes.

Correct?

**********

On Jul 4, 2016, at 5:25 PM, Aaron Justin Walker wrote:

On behalf of my clients, yes. That’s a major part of what we are bargaining about. Like any settlement agreement we believe you have committed a civil wrong on us, you might disagree w that and we (you & my clients) are settling to avoid the effort and uncertainty of litigation.

Aaron

**********

On July 4, 2016, at 7:15 PM, Bill Schmalfeldt wrote:

Did your clients suggest this plan to you, or vice versa? I noticed in the agreement that Sarah is mentioned prominently but is very little mention of Eric especially in the restraining order. So again, and I believe this will be my final question, was this your idea or theirs? Thanks again for your patience with me I know it’s a lot of questions over a holiday weekend.

**********

Subject: Re: Thanks again.
From: Aaron Justin Walker
Sent: Monday, July 4, 2016, 7:26 PM
To: Bill Schmalfeldt

Bill, the deliberative process of my clients is a matter of privilege. I am not free to discuss it. I will therefore only say they are in agreement with what I offered.

Aaron

All this while planning those two frivolous bar complaints as Hell to be unleashed.

I’m Not Making This Up, You Know


The Cabin Boy™ has filed a pair of frivolous bar complaints against Aaron Walker.

I suppose this is what he thought would be Hell raining down.

BTW, I read over the settlement the Cabin Boy™ was offered. I doubt that he will ever see such a generous one ever again.

UPDATE—MU201607051859Zgas_stove_burner_s1As a matter of fact, the bar complaints were foreseen. It’s a common tactic employed by Team Kimberlin.

That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire,
And the burnt Fool’s bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire …

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


I enjoyed the past week.

On Monday, Aaron Walker published the reprimand the Maryland Commission of Judicial Disabilities issued to Judge Cornelius Vaughey for his conduct in the hearing during which he issued the unconstitutional gag order against Aaron. Also, my informal opposition brief to The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin’s appeal of the RICO 2: Electric Boogaloo LOLsuit was filed with the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.

On Tuesday, a second answer to the complaint and a motion to dismiss from the Kimberlins appeared on the Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. docket. All I can say about them for now is: stay tuned.

On Wednesday, the equation of the day was 9 + 15 + 3 = 27. The significance of that equation was that at close of business on Monday the 27th, The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfledt had run out of time to file an answer to the Complaint in the Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. lawsuit, so I filed a request for an order of default against the Cabin Boy™. Schmalfeldt responded by asking the Court to order that I undergo an involuntary psych evaluation. Meanwhile, TDPK filed a motion with the Fourth Circuit asking them to appoint a lawyer to write an amicus brief to salvage his appeal of the dismissal of his LOLsuit against Senators McConnell and Grassley. Oh, and Eugene Volokh filed an amicus brief in the Maryland Court of Special Appeals supporting Aaron Walker’s appeal of the dismissal of his lawsuit seeking to overturn Grace’s Law, the statute that the Kimberlins have abused in their attempts to bring false criminal charges against Aaron and me. And finally, the Cabin Boy™ sent a whiny letter to Judge Joseph asking her to rule in his LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler.

On Thursday, the Fourth Circuit told TDPK that they would wait to see if his informal brief showed his appeal had merit before assigning counsel. Also, TDPK added a supplement to his improper appellee’s brief that he has file in Aaron’s Court of Special Appeals case. TPDK isn’t a party and lacks standing to file.

On Friday, Judge Joseph ruled. She dismissed LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler for lack of personal jurisdiction.

Yeah, not a bad week over all.

The Independence Day holiday will make this week a short work week for the courts, but I foresee … oh, why spoil the surprise.