Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Bullies think it’s unfair when you hit them back—which is why it’s not surprising that Bill Schmalfeldt whines and threatens the direst of dire direness whenever someone takes any step that might result in the Cabin Boy™ being held accountable for his actions. Three years ago, Schmalfeldt was in the midst of a flurry of LOLsuits. LOLsuit III had been thrown out because he sued in a court lacking jurisdiction., LOLsuit IV had been thrown out for improper venue, and LOLsuit V was just getting under way. The TKPOTD from three years ago today dealt with the Cabin Boy’s™ upset over being called a “deranged cyberstalker.”

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ has his panties in a knot because folks refer to him as a “deranged cyberstalker.” (Stacy McCain deserves credit for first referring to Schmalfeldt that way.) Aside from the fact that expressing the opinion that Schmalfeld is a deranged cyberstalker is protected speech under the First Amendment, he is admittedly demented (deranged and demented are synonyms), and he is an adjudicated harasser. Since his harassing was done on line, that fits the Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of cyberstalking. Thus, calling him a deranged cyberstalker is not only protected opinion, it is also an true statement backed by the facts.

TheDerangedCyberstalkerAdditionally, the Cabin Boy™ has promoted his identity as The Deranged Cyberstalker through the sale of a CD of his “comedy” bits. While that CD appears to be out of print, the tracks are still available for download from iTunes and Amazon. Note: Amazon’s MP3 downloads are cheaper and will play on Apple devices.

Imagine the cross examination in court …

Q: You say you were defamed and damaged by being called a “deranged cyberstalker.” Is that correct?

A: Yes.

Q: I show you the items marked as Defense Exhibits 11 and 12. They are screen shots from iTunes and Amazon, respectively. Can you identify the downloads offered for sale?

If the Cabin Boy™ is very lucky, Schmalfeldt v. Grady (, et al. ?) will be dismissed with prejudice.

* * * * *

Indeed, LOLsuit V was dismissed with prejudice on a motion filed by Schmalfeldt himself. Dismissal with prejudice in a finding on the merits, so it would appear that the Cabin Boy™ admitted that his claims were bogus. Not longer after dismissing his LOLsuit, he fled the state of Maryland.

Nothing proceeded as he had hallucinated.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Ah, baseball—the summer game. The TKPOTD from three years ago today used a baseball metaphor.

* * * * *

Speaking of batting a thousand at failure …

The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt files his Schmalfeldt v. Johnson, et al. LOLsuit III in U. S. District Court. On my motion to dismiss it is thrown out for lack of subject matter jurisdiction, that is, the Cabin Boy™ filed suit in the wrong court. Strike One!

TDPS files his Schmalfeldt v. Hoge, et al. LOLsuit IV in the Circuit Court for Howard County. On my motion to dismiss it is thrown out for improper venue, that is, the Cabin Boy™ filed suit in the wrong court. Again. Strike Two!

And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered …

Stay tuned.

* * * * *

And it wasn’t long after that post that the Cabin Boy™ filed LOLsuit V which he dismissed on his own. With prejudice. Strike Three!

And then he fled Maryland.

Everything proceeded as I had foreseen.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


The easiest way to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.

—Stacy McCain

Three years ago today, after the Cabin Boy™ had included me as a defendant in LOLsuit III, I posted this sampler of A Year of BS on Twitter

* * * * *

This is a sampler of some of the Twitter activity from the Cabin Boy™ during the period of February, 2013, through January, 2014.

UPDATE—I’m told by a friend who has been paying attention to the Twitterz this morning that the Cabin Boy™ is upset because I have had the temerity to quote some his Twitter ravings. He should get used to it, and he will see many more of his own words coming back to haunt him if he continues with his LOLsuit.

Thus far, my response has been restrained. I have more important issues at hand. However, he should consider that my codefendants may not be as gentle as I have been to date. The ram has touched the wall, and I believe they are eager to use it.

If Schmalfeld is lucky, the judge will kick out the lawsuit under 28 U.S.C. 1915(e). If Schmalfeldt decides to do the wise thing (stop laughing), he will withdraw his LOLsuit before the judge rules.

* * * * *

Dismissal under 28 U.S.C. 1915(e) would have been for an improper in forma pauperis filing. While the judge did find that the Cabin Boy™ had too much income to file as a pauper, he dismissed the LOLsuit on an other ground, the court’s lack of subject matter jurisdiction over the case. Schmalfeldt had made only state law claims, and he still lived in Maryland when he filed the suit. Because I live in Maryland and there were no federal claims, the federal court was required by statue to dismiss the case.

It will be interesting to see how he screws up jurisdiction in LOLsuit IX.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Since Brett Kimberlin unwisely took on Aaron Walker in 2012, every Team Kimberlin LOLsuit has ended in failure. Only one LOLsuit made it to trial after having most of its claims thrown out on summary judgment, and the trail was stopped before we defendants put on our case because The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin failed to offer any evidence to support his claims that we had defamed him or invaded his privacy. All TDPK’s peace order petitions similarly failed. None of Bill Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuits have survived motions to dismiss. The peace order petition he filed against Patrick Grady failed because The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt failed to face Mr. Grady in court.

One common feature of most of these LOLsuits has been making claims that aren’t supported by a lawful cause of action. I wrote about that in the TKPOTD from two years ago today.

* * * * *

A recurring theme in many of the Team Kimberlin LOLsuits is the inclusion of claims for nonexistent torts. For example, two of the claims in the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. nuisance lawsuit were thrown out at summary judgment because they weren’t based on any recognized cause of action. In that case, The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin tried to my codefendants and me for stalking and harassment, but while they are crimes, they are not torts. In the RICO Remnant LOLsuit, he’s trying to sue for conspiracy, and, as Judge Mason told him, that’s not a stand-alone tort either.

popcorn4bkThe Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has followed in his excellent friend’s footsteps. When he filed LOLsuit I: The Emotional Picture, he included a claim for harassment. In LOLsuit IV: The Voyage to Oblivion, the Cabin Boy™ tried to sue for both harassment and conspiracy. In LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler, … well, we’ll see.

Stay tuned.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ included claims in LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact for which there were no causes of action and wound up having to withdraw them in his amended complaint, and that amend complaint was dismissed because, just like LOLsuits III, IV, and VI, he sued in courts not having personal jurisdiction over the defendants.

And butthurt is still not a tort.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Even a flatworm will turn away from pain, but Team Kimberlin has been a glutton for punishment. Back in 2014, The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin lost the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. nuisance LOLsuit, and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt withdrew LOLsuit I after two days, saw his counterclaims that made up LOLsuit II dismissed with prejudice, and was the subject of a second peace order. After all that, they were still exchanging the Worst Advice of the Year

* * * * *

The Dimwitted Hipster is leading the Cabin Boy™ astray.DemHip201412302152Z

Murum aries attigit.

* * * * *

2015 wasn’t a good year for Team Kimberlin either. TDPK lost the RICO Madness LOLsuit and saw his untimely appeal of that case turned away by the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals. He filed his RICO Retread LOLsuit in state court, and a bunch of the defendants in that case were dismissed before year’s end. He filed a bogus peace order petition against me which was denied—as was his appeal of the denial—and the false criminal charge he filed against me was dropped. He also filed the RICO II: Electric Boogaloo LOLsuit which spilled over into 2016.

2015 went no better for the Cabin Boy™. LOLsuit III was dismissed by the U.S. District Court for lack of jurisdiction, LOLsuit IV was dismissed by the Circuit Court of Howard County for improper venue and failure to serve most of the defendants, and LOLsuit V was voluntarily dismissed with prejudice by Schmalfeldt when he fled from Maryland to Wisconsin.

2016 saw TDPK lose his appeal of the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. LOLsuit, the RICO II: Electric Boogaloo LOLsuit and its appeal and the Kimberlin v. McConnell LOLsuit and its appeal. His petition for a writ of mandamus to force Judge Hazel to modify the protective order in the RICO Retread LOLsuit was denied by the Fourth Circuit, and that court sanction him for including me in his frivolous appeal of RICO II. Meanwhile, the Cabin Boy™ lost LOLsuits VI and VII.

As 2017 grinds to a halt, Kimberlin has lost his appeal of the RICO Retread LOLsuit in the Maryland Court of Special Appeals and has withdrawn his appeal of the RICO II Retread LOLsuit from that court. The Cabin Boy™ has just had LOLsuit VIII booted by the U.S. District Court for the District of South Carolina for lack of personal jurisdiction over the defendants.

2018 is coming. Stay tuned.

Murum aries attigit.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Here’s a quick summary of the lawsuits that Team Kimberlin has filed against me—

Kimberlin v. Walker, et al., summary judgment in my favor on 5 counts and a directed verdict in my favor on 2 counts at trial, affirmed by the Court of Special Appeals.

Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al. (I), all federal claims dismissed for failure to state a claim upon which relief can be granted.

Schmalfeldt v. Hoge, et al., voluntarily dismissed after 2 days.

Schmalfeldt v. Johnson, et al., dismissed for lack of personal jurisdiction.

Kimberlin v. Hunton & Williams LLP, et al., dismissed for lack of subject matter jurisdiction and for failure to state a claim upon which relief can be granted, affirmed by the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.

Schmalfeldt v. Hoge, et al., dismissed for improper venue.

Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al. (II), dismissed for failure to state a claim upon which relief can be granted because of res judicata.

Scmalfeldt v. Grady, et al. (IV), service of process not yet effected.

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

Meanwhile, in Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. and Palmer v. Schmalfeldt, it’s T-minus 4 days and counting.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


So the Cabin Boy’s™ LOLsuit VII: Degenerations has been voluntarily dismissed without prejudice. I’ll bet that the Cabin Boy™ thinks that means that he can still file another LOLsuit against Patrick Grady and/or Sarah Palmer alleging the same butthurt again. I’ll also bet that he would be wrong.

IANAL, but I can read a law book. When I read Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 41(a)(1)(B), I find these words concerning the effect of a voluntary dismissal:

But if the plaintiff previously dismissed any federal- or state-court action based on or including the same claim, a notice of dismissal operates as a adjudication on the merits.

IIRC, LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler targeted both Patrick Grady and Sarah Palmer with claims that overlapped with LOLsuit VII. If I’m understanding FRCP 41 correctly, my characterization of “really most sincerely dead” applies to LOLsuit VII. With an adjudication on the merits res judicata should now apply.

res_judicata_mugsActually, Patrick Grady probably could have relied on res judicata as a defense in LOLsuit VII, because he was targeted in LOLsuit V and LOLsuit VI. Other people are probably also covered to some extent: Eric Johnson (LOLsuits III, IV, and VI), Roy Schmalfeldt (LOLsuits V and VI), Paul Krendler (LOLsuits I and III), Nancy Gilly (LOLsuits I and VI), Howard Earl (LOLsuits III and IV), and me (LOLsuits I and III).

The Cabin Boy™ really is giving The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin a real contest for the title of World’s Worst Pro-Se Litigant™.

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.