Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Sometimes Fiction struggles to keep up with Reality.

This episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign first ran three years ago today.

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Note: This episode was transcribed before this order was issued.

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once. Telephone receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Johnny. Thanks for that archive information on The Bomber and The Grouch.

JOHNNY: Is that everything you need?

AARON:: (Telephone Filter) For now, yes. We need to see how the judge rules before we’ll know where to dig deeper.

JOHNNY: OK.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Yeah, as far as this case is concerned, you should be able to take a break.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


This episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign first ran five years ago today.

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Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Good evening, Johnny.

JOHNNY: Well, hello!

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) I think you want to log in to PACER.

JOHNNY: PACER? What’s up?

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) The Bomber’s filing more stuff in that RICO lawsuit.

JOHNNY: Today? I just checked PACER. There’s nothing new today.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) You looked in the Maryland system. Run a search in the Eastern District of Virginia.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Parkinson’s Disease is a degenerative neurological illness that never gets better. The episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign that first aired two years ago today dealt with an investigation of an alleged Parkinson’s sufferer.

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ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Good evening, Johnny. It’s Pete Candler.

JOHNNY: Hi. How’s life among the undead?

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Just shuffling along, I guess, but there’s been an interesting development by a certain big lake.

JOHNNY: Really?

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Yes, and some photo reconnaissance may be in order.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Once in a while, things get lost in the shuffle of events. That’s what happened to this episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. It was originally set to run in December, 2015, but didn’t get posted until two years ago today.

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Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

WILSON: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Mr. Atsign. I’m Al Wilson at the Universal Adjustment Bureau in Hartford, Connecticut.

JOHNNY: Yes?

WILSON: (Telephone Filter) We have an insurance claim we’d like you to investigtate?

JOHNNY: Are you sure you’ve called the right investigator?

WILSON: (Telephone Filter) (Chuckles) We did contact someone else to start, but he referred us to you. Apparently, you know something about a guy who calls himself The Grouch.

JOHNNY: Yeah. I’ve heard of him.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Pointage, laughery and mockification aren’t the only things inspired by the inept activities of Team Kimberlin. They’ve inspired parody fiction as well. This episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign first ran four years ago today.

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Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

FRIDAY: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, it’s Joe Friday.

JOHNNY: Hey, Joe. How’s your part of the investigation going?

FRIDAY: (Telephone Filter) Liz just got back from the lab with the results.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh.

FRIDAY: (Telephone Filter) I think you’ll find them intriguing.

JOHNNY: Will I? I’ll come over and take a look.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Perhaps the Gentle Reader who has been following Hogewash! for a few years may have noticed a certain similarity between fiction and the real world. This episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign first ran three years ago today.

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Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: (Telephone Filter) Johnny Atsign.

DD: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Mr. Atsign, my name is Dinah Daley.

JOHNNY: Yes. How can I help you?

DD: (Telephone Filter) I believe you have some experience with investigations dealing with a fellow know as The Grouch.

JOHNNY: Yes, I do. Quite a bit, actually.

DD: (Telephone Filter) I may wish to hire you to get some more, Mr. Atsign.

JOHNNY: Well, that is how I make my living, and if we’ll be working together, please call me Johnny.

DD: (Telephone Filter) OK, Johnny. Let me explain.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Yesterday’s TKPOTD engaged in a bit of review of one of The Dread Deadbeat Prevaricator Kimberlin’s false narratives about his past, one in which he claimed to have been the insightful investigator who cracked a murder case. Today, we’ll look back on an early Blogsmoke episode that dealt with an investigation into a character known as The Bomber. The episode originally ran five years ago today.

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Blogsmoke

SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

THE GROUCH: (THROUGH A SMALL SPEAKER) It’s all (BLEEP). It’s all absolute (BLEEP). And I and my family have been put through pain and suffering because Lee Stranahan has a grudge. Because somebody, in my opinion, is paying Lee Stranahan to file these charges against me, in the hopes that I will either break or die. I got some (BLEEP) news for you, Stranny (PAUSE) Walker, Hoggy, Frey (PAUSE) and Frey (PAUSE) beware the Ides of March.

JOHN: BlogBash is an awards ceremony held by the National Blogger’s Club during the Conservative Political Action Conference each year. It’s the hot ticket party at CPAC. This year, the Ides of March fell during the Conference.

BlogBash was held at a club that was a couple of blocks from the Convention Center, and, a few days before BlogBash, the club received a phone call from one of The Grouch’s associates, a convicted serial Bomber, threatening the event with a demonstration. There were about a dozen or so of us attending the event who were aware of the threat and who were on the lookout for possible troublemakers.

SOUND: CROWED BAR BACKGROUND UP AND UNDER—SUSTAIN IN BACKGROUND

RULE 5 GIRL: John, they’re out there.

JOHN: What?

RULE 5 GIRL: There’s someone out there stalking people coming and going from the club. He’s got a camera and is taking their pictures.

JOHN: OK, I’ll check it out.

SOUND: CROWDED BAR FADES OUT

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

JOHN: Sure enough, there was a sort of stalker. He was a goofy looking guy who we later identified as someone who worked with The Bomber. They had met in prison while The Goofball was doing time on a kiddie-porn charge.

Oh, and we found out later that The Bomber was there too. He was photographed while there.

SOUND: CROWDED BAR BACK UP—SUSTAIN IN BACKGROUND

AARON: Hey, John. Look at this on my phone.

JOHN: What the … Whose account is that?

AARON: Look, it’s the Twitter account The Bomber probably uses. He’s tweeting about BlogBash and describing things as they happen. He’s got to be someplace just outside.

JOHN: Yeah, and he’s swapping tweets with The Grouch.

SOUND: CROWDED BAR FADES OUT

ANNOUNCER: This the usual point in the program when I break in and try to sell you something, but today we want tell you about a new program beginning next Monday here on LBS. Here’s our star to tell you about it.

W. J. J.: (OUT OF CHARACTER) Yep. In addition to Blogsmoke, we’ll be producing a new feature about the Internet Investigator with the action-packed Twitter account: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

ANNOUNCER: Thanks! And remember folks, Team Lickspittle stuff is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle.

And now back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JOHN: There’s a website … let’s call it Goodguys Unmasked … that publishes attacks on The Bomber’s critics. Sure enough, pictures taken from street outside of BlogBash appeared on that site in short order along with snarky commentary about the event.

One of The Bomber’s weaknesses is his belief that he’s smarter that everyone else. His cleverness often trips him up. In this case, it was the pictures.

You see, pictures taken with digital cameras have data embedded in them in what are called EXIF files. Comparison of the data in the BlogBash pictures posted on Goodguys Unmasked with photos taken by The Bomber while he was stalking someone showed that they had be taken by the same type of camera and downloaded to the same Windows computer. Not a definitive tie in, but certainly suggestive.

And The Bomber and The Goofball weren’t the only people with cameras. There was a lot of pictures taken that evening. There was a lot of surveillance footage from security cameras.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Was The Bomber at BlogBash? It’s possible that the evidence can tell us—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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The Sheriff, Johnny Atsign, Sergeant Friday, and Officer Smith haven’t retired. They’re working separate angles of several related investigations. One of these days, it will make sense for some new episodes to air in order to report new findings.

Stay tuned.