Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


On the one hand, it can be a pain in the neck ( or a couple of feet lower) to be the target on one of Bill Schmalfeldt’s failed LOLsuits. OTOH, those suits have been bountiful sources of  pointage, laughery, and mockification as this post from two years ago about A Bad Day in St. Francis shows.

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Judge Joseph has issued an order dealing with all of the open motions in the LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler except for the defendants’ motion to dismiss.

“… nonsensical, not to mention impractical.” Yep, that’s about the size of it.

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When a judge starts referring to a litigant’s filings as “nonsensical, not to mention impractical,” you’d think that litigant might begin to wonder whether the court considers him to be credible and consider withdrawing his case. But LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler was filed by The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt, so months of further PLM ensued.

And some of us did well with our popcorn futures.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


There’s an old lawyer’s saying that when the facts are against you, stress the law; when the law is against you, stress the facts; and when the facts and the law are both against you, yell and pound the table. When yelling and pounding fail, Team Kimberlin provides us with Legal LULZ.

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SRUs201604151839ZIs either The Worst Attorney Teabagger® or TWAT® a registered trademark? If so, does either one belong to the Cabin Boy™?

17 U.S.C. § 1326 PENALTY FOR FALSE MARKING
(a) In General.—Whoever, for the purpose of deceiving the public, marks upon, applies to, or uses in advertising in connection with an article made, used, distributed, or sold, a design which is not protected under this chapter, a design notice specified in section 1306, or any other words or symbols importing that the design is protected under this chapter, knowing that the design is not so protected, shall pay a civil fine of not more than $500 for each such offense.

(b) Suit by Private Persons.—Any person may sue for the penalty established by subsection (a), in which event one-half of the penalty shall be awarded to the person suing and the remainder shall be awarded to the United States.

There’s a big difference in the meaning of ® compared to ™.

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Everyone time Team Kimberlin has filed a motion for sanctions against a defendant or defendants counsel, the motion has failed. Their motions to sanction third parties have failed. But there’s no surprise there. After all, all of their LOLsuits have been the equivalent of a knife at a gunfight.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


I’ve noted in my coverage of the Gilmore v. Jones, et al. LOLsuit that the complaint filed in that case appears to suffer defects in law and logic that border on Schmalfeldtian. This Legal Error Du Jour that ran a couple of years ago today examines that sort of poor legal and logical reasoning.

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Normally these posts are referred to as Legal LULZ, but this one isn’t funny. RD201603262301Z

I have a passing familiarity with Maryland’s child pornography law because I served as the foreman of a jury that convicted a man of violating that law.

Md. Crim. L. § 11-207 states:

(a) A person may not:

(3) use a computer to depict or describe a minor engaging in an obscene act, sadomasochistic abuse, or sexual conduct …

IANAL, but it appears that the law covers any depiction or description, not just texts or images. The Gentle Reader can listen to one of the Cabin Boy™ alleged comedy skits online or read the transcripts he provided to Judge Joseph as exhibits and make up his own mind about whether producing the material in Maryland might have been illegal.

BTW, the perp our jury convicted got 54 years.

UPDATE—The Cabin Boy™ is stuck on stupid.RD201603270043ZOf course, the Cabin Boy™ statement is based on idea that if something isn’t illegal, then he hasn’t done it. Let’s try that out against some other claims the Cabin Boy™ has made.

There’s no law against being a former truck driver, therefore, Bill Schmalfeldt isn’t a former truck driver.

There’s no law against being a former GS-13 editor, therefore, Bill Schmalfeldt isn’t a former GS-13 editor.

There’s no law against being a Viet Nam era veteran, therefore, Bill Schmalfeldt isn’t a Viet Nam era veteran.

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As I’ve noted before, logic does not appear to be one of the Cabin Boy’s™ long suits.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Two years ago, LOLsuit VI The Undiscovered Krendler was alive, and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has just filed a motion to disqualify Aaron Walker as counsel for the two remaining named defendants in the case. That motion included this sworn statement:

The Gentle Reader who has not been following The Saga of Team Kimberlin since 2016 should not be surprised to learn that the defendants filed an opposition to the Cabin Boy’s™ motion, and that Schmalfeldt reacted stupidly on Twitter. Hogewash! reported his folly under the headline I’m Not Making This Up, You Know.

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Given that every single paragraph of the declaration by Brett Kimberlin filed as an exhibit with the Cabin Boy’s™ motion to disqualify Aaron Walker as defense counsel in LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler contains at least one provable lie, …Cheddar201603090233Z… the lack of self-awareness is … well, it’s about average for the Cabin Boy™.

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As usual, the Cabin Boy’s™ motion failed, and his case failed to survive a motion to dismiss.

Lying liars gotta lie, stupid is as stupid does, and everything proceeded as I had foreseen.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


One of the silliest fictions that Team Kimberlin has tried to maintain is that the various LOLsuits filed by The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt are unrelated. The Prevarication Du Jour from a couple of years ago today poked holes in that nonsense.

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The Cabin Boy™ wants folks to believe that he isn’t involved with the Kimberlin v. Frey(previously Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al.) LOLsuit.Cheddar201602270217ZIn fact, he’s been deeply involved since before the beginning and may now be in over his head.

I was one of the original defendants in the LOLsuit, and I found out about it around 9 am on the morning of 16 October, 2013. I was sitting in my lawyer’s conference room waiting to go to a hearing on a motion Schmalfeldt had filed in the first peace order case. I used my iPad to check his website and found that he had posted a copy of the original complaint in the Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al. suit. The Cabin Boy™ involved himself directly in the suit by sending two letters to Judge Grimm attempting to intervene in the case. The first letter has become somewhat infamous because it contains his statement that he suffers from dementia. The second letter complains about “death threats” received from an IP address of 127.0.0.1.

According to one of The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin’s recent filings, Schmalfeldt is part of the group filing frivolous complaints against Patrick Frey—ECF 345-P1_2—and recently, he provided his excellent friend with a “Pretendy Land” “journalist” email in support of TDPK’s quest to breach the confidentiality of discovery documents covered by a protective order.ECF 327-1The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt may not be a party to the Kimberlin v. Frey RICO Remnant LOLsuit, but he’s involved.

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The Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin and the Cabin Boy™ have maintained their perfect record with the LOLsuits. Of failure.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


The level of incompetence shown in the various court filings from Team Kimberlin in the course of The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin’s and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuits is amazing. OTOH, it has been a marvelous source of material for pointage, laughery, and mockification. Consider the TKPOTD from three years ago today for example.

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When The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin filed his opposition to Stacy McCain’s motion to dismiss the Kimberlin v. The Universe, et al. RICO Madness, I chose not to publish it because it contained a great deal of scurrilous material that was nothing more than ad hominem attacks on Stacy and several other people. After careful review, I have been able to edit the filing to eliminate everything that is not responsive to Stacy’s motion.

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About a month after TDPK filed his opposition to Stacy’s motion to dismiss, Judge Hazel granted Stacy’s motion and the motions to dismiss for the remaining defendants, except for the civil rights count against Patrick Frey. Patterico won that count on summary judgment, and that RICO Remnant is now at the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.

Stay tuned.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


The easiest way to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.

—Stacy McCain

Three years ago today, after the Cabin Boy™ had included me as a defendant in LOLsuit III, I posted this sampler of A Year of BS on Twitter

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This is a sampler of some of the Twitter activity from the Cabin Boy™ during the period of February, 2013, through January, 2014.

UPDATE—I’m told by a friend who has been paying attention to the Twitterz this morning that the Cabin Boy™ is upset because I have had the temerity to quote some his Twitter ravings. He should get used to it, and he will see many more of his own words coming back to haunt him if he continues with his LOLsuit.

Thus far, my response has been restrained. I have more important issues at hand. However, he should consider that my codefendants may not be as gentle as I have been to date. The ram has touched the wall, and I believe they are eager to use it.

If Schmalfeld is lucky, the judge will kick out the lawsuit under 28 U.S.C. 1915(e). If Schmalfeldt decides to do the wise thing (stop laughing), he will withdraw his LOLsuit before the judge rules.

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Dismissal under 28 U.S.C. 1915(e) would have been for an improper in forma pauperis filing. While the judge did find that the Cabin Boy™ had too much income to file as a pauper, he dismissed the LOLsuit on an other ground, the court’s lack of subject matter jurisdiction over the case. Schmalfeldt had made only state law claims, and he still lived in Maryland when he filed the suit. Because I live in Maryland and there were no federal claims, the federal court was required by statue to dismiss the case.

It will be interesting to see how he screws up jurisdiction in LOLsuit IX.