Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Since the beginning of 2012, both The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt have lost all the LOLsuits they’ve filed against any defendant that either went to trial or even hung in as long as a court’s considering motions to dismiss. It seems to me that the principle reason for their record of failure is their gross incompetence at litigation which has provided bountiful quantities of pointage, laughery, and mockification. Consider this post from three years ago about Unintentional Humor in Lawfare related to the Cabin Boy’s™ LOLsuit V.

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ has filed yet another one of his sterling bits of legal analysis.

I may have more to say after I quit laughing.

UPDATE—Extortion? No, Dave Edgren’s settlement negotiations are not extortion. See Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al., Case No. 13-CV-03059-GJH (D.Md. 2015) ECF No. 263 at 13, 14.

* * * * *

This is was the LOLsuit that Schmalfeldt dismissed with prejudice—which I’m told means a win on the merits for the defendants, including his cousin who he was suing for defamation because the cousin had called him a rapist.

#StudidIsAsStupidDoes

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Three years ago, The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt had just lost LOLsuits III and IV and was in the process of getting his butt kicked in LOLsuit V. While I had been a defendant in III and IV, I wasn’t in V. However, because the case was being tried in Maryland, I often ran courthouse errands for the defendants. It was fun watching the Cabin Boy™ getting put through the ringer of actual motions practice in a federal court. As this Prevarication Du Jour from three years ago today shows, if was even more fun seeing his failure to grasp what was hitting him.

* * * * *

grouch365|201507180221ZOf course, nothing I’ve written here at Hogewash! comes remotely close to undermining Patrick Grady’s arguments concerning personal jurisdiction in the Cabin Boy’s LOLsuit.

OTOH, Bill Schmalfeldt is a laughing matter.

I don’t mean that his lawfare shouldn’t be taken seriously. It must be. What I mean is that he is not a serious person himself. He is an intellectual lightweight. He has an overinflated ego. And he is in over his head.

He is also vile and has spent much of the past decade inflicting himself on others via the Internet. XMFan, Daily Kos, Facebook, etc., have banned or suspended him. He now maintains his presence by moving from blog to blog and Twitter account to Twitter account while playing musical chairs with Internet radio feeds. And his faildoxes keep on coming.

A couple of years ago, some folks, I was among them, had had enough of the Cabin Boy™, and we began taking legal action against him. I was the first to be successful, but others have also succeeded in getting restraining orders against him. Schmalfeldt has tried various legal counterattacks, and all have failed or are failing. Schmalfeldt has further beclowned himself with his lawfare.

While Schmalfledt’s lawfare must be dealt with seriously in the courts of law, it should be subjected to ridicule in the courts of public opinion. Thus, one of my responses to his lawfare might be termed LOLfare. Somethings simply deserve to be laughed at.

UPDATE—Caution! Crackpot Theory Alert!grouch365201507181322ZAlso, the Cabin Boy™ hereby demonstrates his inability to correctly read the emotional responses of others. There is a huge difference between anger and derisive laughter.

* * * * *

When the Cabin Boy™ finally understood the hole he was digging for himself, he dismissed LOLsuit V with prejudice (but without understanding what that meant) and fled Maryland. Wisconsin, Iowa, South Carolina, New Mexico, South Carolina, Iowa, South Carolina, …

And so it goes.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Bullies think it’s unfair when you hit them back—which is why it’s not surprising that Bill Schmalfeldt whines and threatens the direst of dire direness whenever someone takes any step that might result in the Cabin Boy™ being held accountable for his actions. Three years ago, Schmalfeldt was in the midst of a flurry of LOLsuits. LOLsuit III had been thrown out because he sued in a court lacking jurisdiction., LOLsuit IV had been thrown out for improper venue, and LOLsuit V was just getting under way. The TKPOTD from three years ago today dealt with the Cabin Boy’s™ upset over being called a “deranged cyberstalker.”

* * * * *

The Cabin Boy™ has his panties in a knot because folks refer to him as a “deranged cyberstalker.” (Stacy McCain deserves credit for first referring to Schmalfeldt that way.) Aside from the fact that expressing the opinion that Schmalfeld is a deranged cyberstalker is protected speech under the First Amendment, he is admittedly demented (deranged and demented are synonyms), and he is an adjudicated harasser. Since his harassing was done on line, that fits the Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of cyberstalking. Thus, calling him a deranged cyberstalker is not only protected opinion, it is also an true statement backed by the facts.

TheDerangedCyberstalkerAdditionally, the Cabin Boy™ has promoted his identity as The Deranged Cyberstalker through the sale of a CD of his “comedy” bits. While that CD appears to be out of print, the tracks are still available for download from iTunes and Amazon. Note: Amazon’s MP3 downloads are cheaper and will play on Apple devices.

Imagine the cross examination in court …

Q: You say you were defamed and damaged by being called a “deranged cyberstalker.” Is that correct?

A: Yes.

Q: I show you the items marked as Defense Exhibits 11 and 12. They are screen shots from iTunes and Amazon, respectively. Can you identify the downloads offered for sale?

If the Cabin Boy™ is very lucky, Schmalfeldt v. Grady (, et al. ?) will be dismissed with prejudice.

* * * * *

Indeed, LOLsuit V was dismissed with prejudice on a motion filed by Schmalfeldt himself. Dismissal with prejudice in a finding on the merits, so it would appear that the Cabin Boy™ admitted that his claims were bogus. Not longer after dismissing his LOLsuit, he fled the state of Maryland.

Nothing proceeded as he had hallucinated.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Ah, baseball—the summer game. The TKPOTD from three years ago today used a baseball metaphor.

* * * * *

Speaking of batting a thousand at failure …

The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt files his Schmalfeldt v. Johnson, et al. LOLsuit III in U. S. District Court. On my motion to dismiss it is thrown out for lack of subject matter jurisdiction, that is, the Cabin Boy™ filed suit in the wrong court. Strike One!

TDPS files his Schmalfeldt v. Hoge, et al. LOLsuit IV in the Circuit Court for Howard County. On my motion to dismiss it is thrown out for improper venue, that is, the Cabin Boy™ filed suit in the wrong court. Again. Strike Two!

And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered …

Stay tuned.

* * * * *

And it wasn’t long after that post that the Cabin Boy™ filed LOLsuit V which he dismissed on his own. With prejudice. Strike Three!

And then he fled Maryland.

Everything proceeded as I had foreseen.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Back in 2014, I responded to a Gentle Reader’s request for definitions of certain words and phrases that kept coming up in The Saga of Team Kimberlin with a series called The Dread Pirate’s Dictionary. These definitions were posted four years ago today.

* * * * *

The World’s Worst Pro-Se Litigant™ is Stacy McCain’s way of describing Brett Kimberlin’s legal abilities. While Kimberlin has bragged about filing “over a hundred lawsuits,” he stays quiet about his batting average which would be generously described as being in the range of .020.

A false narrative is any truthful statement about Brett Kimberlin’s past or current activities that would tend to cause a normal individual to be suspicious of him.

* * * * *

When The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt started filing his LOLsuit, I thought that Kimberlin claim to being The World’s Worst Pro-Se Litigant™ might be in jeopardy, but even the Cabin Boy’s™ unbroken record of abject failure doesn’t come close to the decades of failed cases filed by Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Back in 2015, I ran a series of posts detailing what I then saw as Team Kimberlin’s greatest mistakes to that date. The final post in that series ran three years ago today.

* * * * *

One of the Gentle Readers suggested that I do a Top 10 list of the biggest mistakes Team Kimberlin have made in their lawfare. That sounded like a good idea, so here’s screw up number one.

10. Brett Kimberlin Sues Seth Allen
9. Brett Kimberlin Petitions for a Protective Order Against His Wife
8. Kimberlin Seeks a Peace Order Against John Norton
7. Schmalfeldt Seeks a Peace Order Against Patrick Grady
6. Kimberlin Files Kimberlin v. The Universe, et al. RICO Madness
5. Kimberlin Files Kimberlin v. Walker
4. Schmalfeldt Sues Me in State Court
3. Kimberlin Uses JTMP Funds to Pay a Fee in Kimberlin v. The Universe, et al.
2. Kimberlin Obtains an Unconstitutional Gag Order Against Aaron Walker

1. Kimberlin Sues Me Yes, that’s the dumbest move The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin has made to date. Sure, he just sued a law firm with 800 lawyers. That was pretty dumb. He’s sued a couple of investigative reporters That wasn’t very smart. He’s sued several big-time media personalities and organizations. That was downright foolish. Those are all people and organizations with the skills and tools to fight back, and, for the most part, they have. But suing me, and his timing in doing so, was his worst move. He did it just as I was retiring and was able to focus full-time on the lawsuit. I was a defendant with nothing else to do and with experience investigating complicated problems. Oh, and I’m pigheaded and not likely to let go of a problem until I solve it.

popcorn4bkKimberlin whines in his complaints that I have amassed a huge amount of information about him. Yes, I’ve done my homework. I’m prepared to defend myself. He was lucky that Judge Johnson ended the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. trial before I had to vigorously do so. His luck was even better in the RICO Madness LOLsuit. It was dismissed without even a hearing.

RICO2: Electric Boogaloo is pending in U. S. District Court and the Kimberlin v. National Blogger Club Part Deux LOLsuit is pending in state court. We’ll see how his luck holds.

Note: I’m unretired and back at work more or less full time, but the months I had to focus full-time on my defense were invaluable.

* * * * *

Of course, all of the additional LOLsuits filed by The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt failed.

Or to put it another way: Everything has proceeded as I have foreseen.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Being sued is a pain in the neck or a couple of feet lower. However, being sued by the incompetent pro se litigators of Team Kimberlin does his is lighter moments—such as when the many times The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfledt screwed up his paperwork in LOLsuit VIII. The TKPOTD from a year ago today dealt with one of his misunderstandings of the progress of that suit.

* * * * *

PRE-UPDATE—This post was drafted during the early afternoon yesterday. Since then, the Cabin Boy™ has put out some tweets that show he may be beginning to understand his real situation. That may be, but I’m going leave this post in its original form—

The Cabin Boy™ either hasn’t read the U.S District Court for the District of South Carolina’s Guide for Pro Se Litigants and the order that was sent to him or his read comprehension is even worse than I thought. Or he’s lying.First, the Order issued on Friday clearly states that

[t]his case is not in proper form for service at this time. If Plaintiff does not bring this case into proper form within the time permitted by this Order, this case may be dismissed for failure to prosecute and failure to comply with an order of this court under Rule 41 of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.

Next, the order explains what the Cabin Boy™ needs to submit and states that

[n]o process shall issue until the items specified above have been reviewed by the assigned Magistrate Judge.

Finally, the order instructs the Clerk of the Court that if

Plaintiff provides this court with the items assigned above, the Clerk of the Court should forward the file to the assigned Magistrate Judge to determine if service of process should be authorized.

The order was posted on Friday and mailed to the Cabin Boy™ that day. Even if he downloaded copies of the forms he is supposed to submit and mailed them back to the Clerk on Friday, they would not have been delivered to the court before Saturday, and would not be processed and forwarded to the judge until this morning at the earliest. It probably will be some time before the judge reviews any submission the Cabin Boy™ makes and decides whether to issue summonses. The verb should be authorized is in the future conditional tense which means that the possibility of the judge’s action rests on as yet unrealized circumstances, i.e,, the Cabin Boy™ getting his paperwork straight.

BTW, this analysis is consistent with the case docket as shown on PACER.There is nothing shown on the docket after the mailing of Friday’s order.

OTOH, here’s what a pro se case docket that did have a summons issued looks like.Notice that the issuance of the summons is specifically noted after the proper form order and the attachment of additional documents, events that don’t appear on the LOLsuit VIII docket yet.

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

* * * * *

The Gentle Reader can probably guess how I foresee LOLsuit IX proceeding if The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt is foolish enough to file it.