Why has Brett Kimberlin attracted such a bunch of losers to Team Kimberlin? Why would he hire such an incompetent as Bill Schmalfeldt as editor of Breitbart Unmasked, and do so more than once? My best guess is that Team Kimberlin is a real world example of the principle that first-rate managers hire first-rate employees while second-rate managers hire third-rate employees. Or maybe it’s an extension of that principle to fourth-rate managers and fifth-rate employees. It was as editorial mistake by Schmalfeldt that forced BU to move to an offshore server rather than give up the identity of its owner in order to file a DMCA counternotice.
Of course, the Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has had a perfect record so far in copyright disputes. He’s consistently batted 0.000. This Prevarication Du Jour from five years ago today points out what happened in the Hoge v. Schmalfeldt copyright case.
* * * * *
The Cabin Boy™ should be used to that kind of outcome. The settlement agreement for the Hoge v. Schmalfeldt copyright lawsuit granted him nothing of what he sought in his counterclaim, but I got the infringing material taken down—the most important item on my list.
* * * * *
Past performance is no guarantee of future results, but in the Cabin Boy’s™ case, it’s the safe way to bet. I suspect he’ll be no more successful in his current copyright struggle than he has been in attracting subscribers to his latest waste of bandwidth on Youtube. As of 8:30 pm ET yesterday, he still had only 9 subscribers.
After losing LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact, Bill Schmalfeldt managed to stay out of court for around a couple of years, but has still had delusions of adequacy in 2016. This Legal LULZ Du Jour is from four years ago today.
* * * * *
Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.
—Sun Tzu
Just so. The Cabin Boy™ rages on.
He schemes and plots but without any understanding of the law or the Rules of Civil Procedure or the Rules of Evidence. Indeed, if he understood the Rules of Evidence, he would know that spousal privilege would prevent calling someone’s wife to testify about communications with her husband and with what she had seen him do or not do.
He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot will be victorious.
—Sun Tzu
* * * * * *
The Cabin Boy™ has made noises about a copyright LOLsuit against his most recent former employer over a DMCA takedown of material he had posted on his latest YouTube channel.
BTW, as of 10 pm ET last night, he still only had 9 subscribers.
Dealing with Team Kimberlin hasn’t always been painless, but at least it’s usually been easy to use ridicule as a weapon against them. This post from five years ago today had what may be my favorite title of all the Team Kimberlin Posts—C’mon, Pro Se! File Your Loco Motions!
* * * * *
The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt filed this at the beginning of the hearing this morning on my motions to dismiss his Schmalfeldt v. Hoge, et al. LOLsuit2. Judge Kramer read it before listening to the oral arguments.
It was back in 2014 when Bill Schmalfeldt decided to start his own campaign of lawfare in parallel with Brett Kimberlin’s. Schmalfeldt eventually filed eight cases, the first of which lasted for only a few days before he withdrew it. His difficulty figuring out how to dismiss that case was the harbinger of years of coming failure as a pro se plaintiff. Six years ago today, I published this post, #BillSchmalfeldt Says, “Only Kidding!”
* * * * *
His letter asking to withdraw his lawsuit has been posted on PACER.
Like a madman who shoots torches, arrows, and death,
is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “Am I not joking?”
—Proverbs 26:18, 19
UPDATE—The Cabin Boy™ seems to have his panties in a knot because I have described his account of filing/non-filing his lawsuit as a lie. This is not to say that there’s not a grain of truth in his story, but some of the “facts” strain credulity. He wants us to believe that it took six days for the USPS to get his letter a few miles from a Baltimore suburb to downtown Baltimore. Yeah, OK, we’re talking about the Post Office, but crosstown mail delivery is usually faster than that.
The notation at the bottom of the letter says that it was sent via Certified Mail. If the tracking number were published, the date of mailing could be seen on the USPS website, and the Cabin Boy’s™ tale could be verified.
* * * * *
That was the beginning of the end for LOLsuit I: The Emotional Picture, but seven more failed LOLsuits lay ahead.
Team Kimberlin has rarely been effective in anything thing they tried, and the usual cause of their failure has has been a high level of incompetence shared among all of the members. Brett Kimberlin has rarely been able to figure out how to properly file legal paperwork, and his PR flacks have rarely been able to tell coherent stories to spin his narratives. For example, consider this Prevarication Du Jour from five years ago today.
* * * * *
The Cabin Boy™ has claimed that I have to look back to 2013 to find his nonsensical legal mouthings. A few hours or a few days will do. For example, …The only accusation of stalking ever filed against me was in Brett Kimberlin’s recent peace order petition. However, it was thrown out during the ex parte hearing for the temporary order, that is, the judge found that the accusation of stalking was bogus.
I’ve been charged with harassment twice. The first time was in 2013. Brett Kimberlin filed the charge which was dropped and expunged so quickly that I was never served. There’s another charge pending about which I will not comment until after I have been served with the charging document, know what I’m actually accused of, and have reviewed that with counsel.
Meanwhile, the Cabin Boy™ continues to get things wrong.
UPDATE—As to that thing about being sued by multiple people, yeah, I’m being sued by two people, Brett Kimberlin and the Cabin Boy™. Kimberlin lost his first two suits against me (Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. and Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al. RICO Madness). His third suit against me (Kimberlin v. Team Themis, et al. RICO2: Electric Boogaloo) is in the early stages, but I have have filed a motion to dismiss which Kimberlin has failed to oppose.
The Cabin Boy™ has filed several suits or sets of counterclaims against me. He withdrew the first suit two days after he filed it. His counterclaims were dismissed with prejudice. His second suit was dismissed for lack of subject matter jurisdiction. We’ll have a hearing on one of my motions to dismiss his latest frivolous lawsuit next Wednesday.
UPDATE 2—Let’s do a thought experiment. Pretend that The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s current LOLsuit survives the motions to dismiss. Is it possible that the Defendants might file counterclaims? What interrogatories might be asked in discovery? What documents might be sought? Who might be deposed? Does the Cabin Boy™ have the means, financial or otherwise, to finish what he has started?
Inquiring minds want to know. If the Cabin Boy™ is lucky, they won’t find out.
* * * * *
Yeah, Schmalfeldt’s been nearly completely incompetent as a pro se plaintiff too.
Bill Schmalfeldt got in over his head when he signed up to be one of Brett Kimberlin’s PR flacks. I’ve never figured out exactly why he followed in The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin’s lawfare footsteps and began filing LOLsuit, but he did. I was a defendant in four of them and the lead defendant in two, LOLsuits I and IV. During the course of LOLsuit IV, Schmalfeldt got upset with me because I was interested in his communications with my codefendants, especially the anonymous blogger known as Paul Krendler. The TKPOTD for five years ago today engaged in a bit of pointage, laughery, and mockification of the Cabin Boy™.
* * * * *
The Cabin Boy™ routinely sticks his nose into other people’s business, and he acts as if he believes that everyone else does the same.
The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt may have forgotten who he’s suing, but “Paul Krendler” is among the et al. in his Schmalfeldt v. Hoge, et al. LOLsuit2 that he’s filed in Howard County Circuit Court. That being the case, I have a interest in his communications with my codefendants. It was TDPS who made his communications with “Krendler” my business.
Stupid is as stupid does.
* * * * *
LOLsuit IV was a Maryland state court suit. Because Schmalfeldt didn’t effect service of process on any of the out-of-state defendants, and because with me as the only remaining defendant, proper venue for the case was in my home county Carroll County. However, he had filed in Howard County. With those facts before the court, the judge found that she lacked jurisdiction over the case and dismissed it without have to bother deciding if the Cabin Boy™ had actually stated a claim upon which relief could be granted.
As this TKPOTD from four years ago today points out, one of the major problems with Team Kimberlin’s LOLsuits was suing for things that aren’t legitimate cause of action for a civil case.
* * * * *
A recurring theme in many of the Team Kimberlin LOLsuits is the inclusion of claims for nonexistent torts. For example, two of the claims in the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. nuisance lawsuit were thrown out at summary judgment because they weren’t based on any recognized cause of action. In that case, The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin tried to my codefendants and me for stalking and harassment, but while they are crimes, they are not torts. In the RICO Remnant LOLsuit, he’s trying to sue for conspiracy, and, as Judge Mason told him, that’s not a stand-alone tort either.
The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has followed in his excellent friend’s footsteps. When he filed LOLsuit I: The Emotional Picture, he included a claim for harassment. In LOLsuit IV: The Voyage to Oblivion, the Cabin Boy™ tried to sue for both harassment and conspiracy. In LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler, … well, we’ll see.
Stay tuned.
* * * * *
And they lost those cases and every other one they brought since 2012.
One of the common threads among all of the Team Kimberlin LOLsuits has been citations of law that are simply wrong. This Acme Legal Citation Du Jour ran five years ago today.
* * * * *
The Maryland Court of Appeals disagrees.
We observe that by reason of Jacron Sales Co. v. Sindorf, 276 Md. 580, 350 A.2d 688 (1976), much of the distinction or difference between libel per se and libel per quod has in fact disappeared. Under Maryland principles of pleading the same rules continue to apply as to the nature of the libel. That is, if the libel is readily apparent as in the situation where one is called a thief, no explanation is necessary, but in the instances which previously would have been a libel per quod, the nature of the libel must be pleaded with the same particularity as formerly. Since nominal or presumed damages no longer exist, in all libel actions Maryland pleading principles require the same type of pleading as to damages as was formerly necessary in libel per quod.
Metromedia, Inc., etc. v. Hillman, et al., 285 Md. 161, 162-3 (1979). As a result,
it is obvious that it is no longer possible in Maryland to recover damages by simply alleging a libel per se.
Id., 169.
UPDATE—Hillman was a case certified to the Court of Appeals by the U. S. District Court seeking guidance on how to handle a defamation case under Maryland law.
* * * * *
To be fair, it appears that Acme Legal has also been able to sell advice to other clients. The House Judiciary Committee comes to mind.
The never-ending parade of silly mistakes made by The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin and The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt in their various LOLsuits have yielded a gold mine of pointage, laughery, and mockification. Here are some bits from the TKPOTD, a Legal LULZ Du Jour, and a Bonus Legal LULZ Du Jour from four years ago today.
* * * * *
I’ve been rereading some of The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin’s recent filings in the five active lawsuits in which he is a party. (BTW, four are LOLsuits he’s filed against me.) His writing is becoming … how to put this? … wilder and more full of stupid errors and omissions. I just finished reviewing something from one of the state cases, and its fatal error is both obvious and quite stunning. I won’t write about that mistake here because it’s the judge’s job to educate the midget on this one.
* * * * *
The Cabin Boy™ has a DOOM CLOCK running over at his Derp Brain Radio website (No, I won’t link to it.) that shows 32 days remaining for the return of waiver of service forms he says he’s sent to the defendants in LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler.
Fed. R. Civ. P. 4(d)(3) says—
A defendant who, before being served with process, timely returns a waiver need not serve an answer to the complaint until 60 days after the request was sent[.]
Even if the waiver request forms had been sent the day the LOLsuit was filed, there would still be 54 days remaining for the defendants to respond. But I suppose following the Rules is hypertechnical. And math is hard.
UPDATE—Or perhaps it means that the Cabin Boy™ is exercising his option to allow at least 30 days but less than 60 days for the return of the waiver forms. Whatever. Setting the minimum time for return of the waiver forms won’t change when any answers or dispositive motions are due.
UPDATE 2—The Cabin Boy™ has a post up “correcting” this one. I checked his “correction” with a lawyer, and I’ll wait for Schmalfeldt to find out the hard way how wrong he is.
Oh, and I see from his post that he’s still too afraid to include me in his LOLsuit.
* * * * *
The Cabin Boy™ has yet another post up over at his Derp Brain Radio website (No, I won’t link to it.) in which he demonstrates his poor reading comprehension and his poor knowledge of the legal resources I have at hand. Given his track record, it’s possible that he has come up with a novel way to screw up service of process. We shall see.
As I noted earlier today, The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s fear of having to face me in court will keep me out of LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler, at least for the nonce, and I expect that the amended complaint [redacted]. All this means is that he’s surrendered his chance to control the actual venue after [redacted]. Meanwhile, I get to sit on the sidelines and point and laugh.
Heh.
* * * * *
Tomorrow is Christmas Day, and this feature will take the day off.
So head out to the store to finish your shopping (or pickup more popcorn), enjoy the holiday, and …
It was five years ago that Bill Schmalfeldt was on Twitter thumping his chest about how he was going to get Patrick Grady on the witness stand and … well, something doubleplus ungood was going to happen to Patrick. Schmalfeldt’s bravado was related to a peace order petition that he had filed in Maryland. Given Schmalfeldt’s actual actions on the day of the hearing, it’s likely that didn’t expect Patrick to show up. He was wrong. Patrick appeared at the hearing, but the Cabin Boy™ didn’t, as I reported five years ago today in a post titled In Re Schmalfeldt v. Grady.
* * * * *
The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt was a no-show. The peace order petition was dismissed.
More later.
UPDATE—
Cowardly no-show
Bogus petition dismissed
FroYo and mayo
* * * * *
That was the first of the civil cases The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt filed against Patrick Grady. The Cabin Boy™ went on to file four LOLsuits naming Patrick as a defendant and four more naming “Paul Krendler,” claiming that Grady was Krendler. He lost every single case.
When I first wrote that Team Kimberlin was buying their legal advice from the same Acme that supplied those fine products to a certain coyote, I was joking. As the various legal entanglements have played out, it come to look as if that really is the source of the legal theories behind their LOLsuits. Here’s the TKPOTD from three years ago today,
* * * * *
That deserves an updated answer. Here’s a partial listing—
Hoge v. Schmalfeldt (I), Case No. 06-C-13-063359 (Md. Cir.Ct. Carroll Co. 2013), cert. denied. Hoge v. Schmalfeldt (II), Case No. 06-C-14-067023 (Md. Cir.Ct. Carroll Co. 2014), cert. denied Kimberlin v. Walker, et al., Case No. 380966V (Md. Cir.Ct. Mont. Co. 2014), affirmed Md. CoSA, cert. denied. Schmalfeldt v. Johnson, et al., Case No. 15-CV-0315-RDB (D.Md. 2015). Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al. (I), Case No. 13-CV-03059-GJH (D.Md. 2015). Kimberlin v. Hoge, Case No. 9148D (Md. Cir.Ct. Mont. Co. 2015). Schmalfeldt v. Hoge, et al., Case No. 13-C-15-102498 (Md. Cir.Ct. Howard Co. 2015). Kimberlin v. Hunton & Williams, et al., Case No. 13-CV-0723-GJH (D.Md. 2016). Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al. (II), Case No. 403868V (Md. Cir.Ct. Mont. Co. 2016).
That should do.
* * * * *
I should update that scorecard with the following—
Kimberlin v. Hunton & Williams, et al., Case No. 13-CV-0723-GJH (D.Md. 2016), affirmed Md. C0SA, cert. denied. Kimberlin v. Hunton & Williams, et al., Case No. 13-CV-0723-GJH (D.Md. 2016), affirmed 4th Cir. Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al. (II), Case No. 403868V (Md. Cir.Ct. Mont. Co. 2016), affirmed Md. CoSA, cert. denied. Schmalfeldt v. Grady, et al. (IV), Case No. 13-CV-01310-RBH-KDW (DSC 2017).
I began writing about Brett Kimberlin’s attempts to use lawfare to suppress the First Amendment rights of his critics to report truthfully on him and his activities in May, 2012. Since then, I’ve been the subject of numerous legal attacks by him and his enablers and supporters, but I’ve not been alone. I’ve had over 40 codefendants in civil suits from Kimberlin and more than a dozen codefendants in suits filed by his PR flack Bill Schmalfeldt.
One common feature of all the pro se lawsuits filed by Team Kimberlin, whether I was a defendant or not, was the incompetent manner in which the plaintiffs conducted them. After the dismissal of Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler, he filed a bar complaint against Aaron Walker, the lawyer who successfully represented the defendants. While mind-bogglingly stupid, that move was not unexpected, as I reported three years ago in an I’m Not Making This Up, You Know post.
* * * * *
The Cabin Boy™ has filed a pair of frivolous bar complaints against Aaron Walker.
Bill Schmalfeldt hasn’t had much luck dealing with the 1st of July for the past few years. Here are three posts from 1 July, #BillSchmalfeldt.Gone.Again. from 2013, Qapla’ from 2016, and the TKPOTD from 2017.
* * * * *
GhostRadioOnlin was down at 10:15 pm ET on 1 July, 2013.
And this was what his rabid response website looked like at the same time.
Hmmmmm.
UPDATE—An email from a friend on the Left Coast contained this gem.
It looks as if he’s closed the rabid response site as well. It will be interesting to find out if this is the result of Bill Schmalfeldt being served the summons and a copy of the Application for Statement of Charges and seeing how much trouble his ranting has caused him. Taking the Twitter account and site down won’t erase the screenshots, pdf files, etc. that are on multiple computers all over the country. Evidence of the Cabin Boy’s behavior remains intact.
Or it really could be that the Cabin Boy is worn out from trying to fight above his weight (intellectually and morally). Regardless, he joins Brave Sir Robin in the pantheon of big talkers who cut and run. Of course, he may pop up again. We’ll see.
UPDATE 2—I’ve been asked how I missed the Sore Loserman’s “last tweets.” I was off doing other things. I do have a life, you know.
UPDATE 3 —
No, my life doesn’t revolve around Brett Kimberlin. I have an interest in seeing him brought to justice, but there are plenty of things in my life that are of greater importance.
As for heart attacks, I’ve had three already, thank you. I’ve got five stents in my heart and had a minimally invasive bypass. My bypass was experimental. I was the 13th patient to undergo the procedure in the U. S. (luckily for me). I could have had the proven standard procedure or opt to participate in the experimental trial. I went with the experimental procedure even though it wasn’t covered by my insurance. Did someone say something about altruism and medical procedures?
UPDATE—The order above dismisses the case on the basis of lack of personal jurisdiction. The case also failed in part for failure to state a claim with respect to misappropriation of likeness.
I’ve spent a sizable portion of the past seven years dealing with absurd demands for various members of Team Kimberlin. Some of the sillies have come from The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt. The TKPOTD for four years ago today opened with ridicule of one of the Cabin Boy’s™ demands and also posted one of the motions to dismiss I filed in LOLsuit IV: The Voyage to Oblivion.
* * * * *
Now that so many other people are archiving his blogging, I no longer regularly read the Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt meanderings on his blog du jour. I’m told that he wants to charge me a license fee for using his name and and image in my reporting about him and his buddies with Team Kimberlin.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Before making such a foolish assertion, he should have talked to a lawyer who could have explained case law such as Lawrence v. A. S. Abell Co., 299 Md. 697 (1984) to him.
And in other news concerning the Cabin Boy™ …
Yesterday, I mailed a reply to his opposition to my motion to dismiss his current LOLsuit for improper venue to the court. I also served the Cabin Boy™ by mail.
The reply speaks for itself, and I do not intend to make any further substantive public statements about the motion until the court has ruled on it.
* * * * *
Because the judge found that Schmalfeldt had sued me in the wrong court, she was able to dismiss the case without having to bother considering whether the Cabin Boy™ had stated a claim upon which relief could be granted.
None of the LOLsuits he’s filed against me have ever made it past a motion to dismiss for venue or lack of personal jurisdiction.
Yesterday’s TKPOTD looked back five years at The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s appeal of the extension of the first peace order issued against him. Today, we look back the following day’s TKPOTD.
* * * * *
It seems that the Cabin Boy™ is still getting his legal advice from Acme.Where to begin? I guess I’ll just take it from the top.
1. Schmalfeldt did not file an “appeal brief;” all he filed was a Civil Appeal Information Report for the Court of Special Appeals. According to Md. Rule 3-803, one key item is missing from his petition. Since he’s pro se, the Court of Appeals may overlook the omission, but even if they do, he has raised no new legal arguments. Since he has given them no new reason to hear his appeal, I expect that they will deny his petition on the same grounds as they did last time.
2. Res judicata applies to the original peace order. That case is closed and not subject to relitigation. That matter is settled.
3. Schmalfeldt v. Hoge is on the Court’s Petition Docket. This only means is that the Clerk has received it and assigned it a tracking number. It does not mean that the judges have accepted the case for an appeal. If they do, it will be moved to the Regular Docket, and the case will proceed as the Court directs. In the unlikely event that the appeal is allowed, the next step is usually a round of briefing from the petitioner and respondent. We’ll see if it gets that far.
Stay tuned.
UPDATE—I’m told that the Cabin Boy™ is blabbering on teh Twitterz about how wrong I am.
Uh, huh
Like they say in the financial prospectuses, “past performance is not an indicator of future returns,” but it’s a safe way to bet. So consider how accurate Schmalfeldt’s predictions from 2013 of my crushing defeat in the appeal to the Circuit Court, my being clapped in irons (I found that one particularly amusing), or his quick victory in the Court of Appeals. You can believe Acme, or you can believe what real lawyers tell me. Either way, your belief will have no effect on what the Court does.
So chill.
And stay tuned.
* * * * *
Speaking of res judicata, The Hogewash Store has lots of mugs, t-shirts, and other tchotchkes available with the Res Judicata logo. There’s also junk branded Murum Aries Attigit, and Johnny Atsign. If you stop by, spend some money, and support this blog, I’ll be thankful.
Team Kimberlin is a bunch of liars and incompetent ones at that. They spin false narratives and then offer shoddy forged evidence which actually contradicts their claims. Two posts from four years ago described one such failure. The first was a TKPOTD. The second was an episode of Blogsmoke.
* * * * *
The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has finally figured out that he had a copy of my opposition to his motion to dismiss my contempt petition and that a copy of the envelope he mailed to me was included as part of an exhibit to my opposition. He now claims to have “proven” that he didn’t send the letter because it has a Baltimore postmark rather than one from Elkridge.
It is true that the envelope he mailed last January is postmarked Baltimore. See for yourself.That’s the same postmark as found on the envelope of the letter he mailed to Judge Grimm when he sought to intervene in RICO Madness case in February, 2014. Note that the PACER caption appears on the left edge; this was downloaded from the U. S. District Court’s docket.Schmalfeldt sent a second letter to Judge Grimm one week after the first. This zooms in on the postmark of the envelope for that letter (again, downloaded from the court’s docket).
Given that the Cabin Boy™ has admitted that he sent the letters to Judge Grimm, this demonstrates that at least some of his mail is sent via Baltimore. Thus, having the Baltimore postmark on the letter he sent me in January doesn’t prove or disprove anything.
The Cabin Boy’s™ PACER fu is even worse than his google fu.
Tick, tock.
UPDATE—Commenter MJ wonders about the signatures on the various letters.UPDATE 2—A Reader #1 wonders when the Cabin Boy™ made his claim of “proof.” Tune in to this evening’s episode of Blogsmoke to learn more.
* * * * *
SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
JOHN: The Grouch has been charged by the Carroll County Sheriff’s Office with failure to comply with a peace order, and he’s been flailing around trying to come up with some sort of defense. That strikes me as rather foolish. After all, he’s sent an email to the State’s Attorney’s Office confessing. Still, logic has never been The Grouch’s long suit.
SOUND: Phone rings twice. Receiver picked up.
JOHN: John Hoge.
KAPLAN: Mr. Hoge, this is Detective Bob Kaplan with the Montgomery County Police. I’m sorry to call you this late in the evening, but you may be able to help us with something.
JOHN: No problem. What’s up?
KAPLAN: (Telephone filter) Are you familiar with someone known as The Grouch?
JOHN: Yes. Quite familiar.
KAPLAN: (Telephone filter) We’ve received a rather bizarre email from him about some sort of conspiracy to mail a forged letter.
JOHN: That would be the one he sent back in January, right?
KAPLAN: (Telephone filter) Uh, huh. Why do you say he sent it? He claims that the postmark proves that he didn’t.
JOHN: Really?
KAPLAN: (Telephone filter) Yes. He says that it’s postmarked Baltimore, and mail he sends from his residence in Elkridge shouldn’t have a Baltimore postmark.
JOHN: Can you forward that email to me? I’d like to see what he’s talking about. And can you give me a good call back number?
ANNOUNCER: I love coffee, but later in the day, I prefer tea. I like to drink my tea from my Team Lickspittle Tea Tumbler. Team Lickspittle Tea Tumblers are exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
SOUND: Phone rings once. Receiver picked up
KAPLAN: CID, Detective Kaplan.
JOHN: (Telephone filter) John Hoge here. I just sent you an email. Can you pull it up?
KAPLAN: Hold on.
SOUND: Typing on keyboard. Mouse clicks.
KAPLAN: OK. I got it.
JOHN: (Telephone filter) Open the attached pdf.
KAPLAN: Uh, huh.
JOHN: (Telephone filter) There are three envelopes shown in the file. The first one is the envelope for the letter from January. The original is in the hands of the Circuit Court up here in Westminster, so there’s a no chain of custody issues.
KAPLAN: OK.
JOHN: (Telephone filter) The other two are from letters he mailed to the U. S. District Court. You’ll notice they show the PACER caption from the court docket, so they’re self-authenticating.
KAPLAN: Uh, huh.
JOHN: (Telephone filter) Compare the postmarks.
KAPLAN: Yeah, I see. They’re all Baltimore 212. So you’re saying that the record shows that The Grouch has sent mail with that postmark in the past.
JOHN: (Telephone filter) Which doesn’t prove or disprove who sent the January letter, but it does kill his claim that he couldn’t have sent it.
KAPLAN: So what about his forgery claim?
JOHN: (Telephone filter) Well, The Grouch began claiming that the letter was forged as soon as its existence was made public. He very quickly focused on the alleged similarity between the signature on the letter and his signature on a failed peace order petition he filed against one of the two people he’s claiming did the forgery.
KAPLAN: Which means what?
JOHN: (Telephone filter) Suppose The Grouch forged the letter himself.
KAPLAN: What?
JOHN: (Telephone filter) Suppose he wrote the letter, traced a copy of his signature on that peace order so that it would be “too similar,” and then mailed it from the same post office he had used for the letters to the federal court. He might think that would give him a means of claiming that he had been set up.
KAPLAN: That’s kind of farfetched, isn’t it?
JOHN: (Telephone filter) Does anything about this seem rational?
KAPLAN: Still …
JOHN: (Telephone filter) You’re dealing with a guy with multiple restraining order against him in at least three states, someone with a history of altering documents.
KAPLAN: It’s more than a little bit crazy.
JOHN: (Telephone filter) Read that first letter to federal judge that I forwarded to you. He admits to suffering from dementia. Look, the point is that his “forging” the letter makes as much or more sense that his explanation.
KAPLAN: OK, I’ll put all this in the case file.
JOHN: (Telephone filter) Good. Call me if you need anything else.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.
* * * * *
The Backstory: Bill Schmalfeldt sent me a letter while a peace order forbidding any contact with me was in force. He tried to claim that it was a forgery that had been created by the person he believed was “Paul Krendler,” and that it had been forwarded for mailing in Maryland by an accomplice who lived in Montgomery County.
Lying liars gotta lie, failing failures gotta fail, and everything proceeded as I had foreseen.
On 17 March, 2015, Judge Hazel dismissed all but one count against one defendant of the Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al. (I) RICO Madness LOLsuit. The very next day, The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin filed a motion for reconsideration of the dismissal of the count alleging violation of the Ku Klux Klan Act against the defendants. Judge Hazel didn’t waste time deny that motion as I reported four years ago with a post In Re RICO Madness.
BTW, the marked up sentence in UPDATE 2 is from a motion that The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt had filed in Schmalfeldt v. Hoge, et al. (II) a few days before.
* * * * *
Judge Hazel has denied The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin’s motion for reconsideration of dismissal of the Ku Klux Klan Act claims against all defendants in the Kimberlin v. The Universe, et al. RICO Madness.
Maryland v. Hoge (I)
Kimberlin v. Walker, et al.
Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al. (I)
Schmalfeldt v. Hoge, et al. (I)
Kimberlin v. Hunton & Williams, et al. (I)
Schmalfeldt v. Hoge, et al. (II)
Maryland v. Hoge (II)
Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club (II)
Schmalfeldt v. Grady, et al. (IV)
Each of them was instigated against me by a member of Team Kimberlin because of truthful reporting about their activities, and I won every one of them.
Blogging about First Amendment issues has been costly at times, but it’s always been worth it.
The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt may be plus-sized overall, but he has acts as if he has incredibly thin skin. He became so bent out of shape over truthful reporting about and criticism of his conduct of LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler that he decided to complain to the magistrate judge handling the case about me. Three years ago today, I responded to his threats with this Legal LULZ Du Jour.
* * * * *
Go ahead. Make my day.
* * * * *
He went ahead and filed his paperwork which I published after it appeared on PACER three days later.
* * * * *
The Cabin Boy™ really did file these with the court—
Aaron Walker was able to manage his clients’ defense. He won the case for them.
The Cabin Boy™ lost LOLsuit VI. And LOLsuit VII. And LOLsuit VIII. At this point, he’s failed to convince judges in Maryland, Wisconsin, Illinois, and South Carolina that he has been the victim of defamation, invasion of privacy, intentional infliction of emotional distress, or mopery with intent to lurk.
OTOH, judges in Maryland, Arizona, Massachusetts, Illinois, and North Carolina have found that Schmalfeldt engaged in behaviors warranting the issuance of various forms of restraining orders, one of which was to protect a three year old child.
The Cabin Boy™ has been fired or left under suspicious circumstance from multiple jobs.
I’m still working part time as a paralegal and full time as engineering contractor.
Nothing has proceeded as the Cabin Boy™ has hallucinated.
Today is the fourth anniversary of The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin’s filing the Kimberlin v. Hunton & Williams, et al. RICO 2: Electric Boogaloo LOLsuit. Three years ago, The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler was in the motions to dismiss phase. Here’s another twofer from three years ago today, the TKPOTD and a Legal LULZ Du Jour.
* * * * *
It’s easy to make fun of the Cabin Boy™ when he writes the punchlines of the jokes.The veracity of his briefs?
How veracious is his claim the Brett Kimberlin isn’t a convicted terrorist? Brett Kimberlin engaged a serial bombing campaign that terrorized the town of Speedway, Indiana. He sued Aaron Walker, Stacy McCain, Ali Akbar, and me for a million dollars, claiming that we engaged in false light invasion of privacy by calling him a terrorist. He lost that lawsuit.
How veracious is his claim that Brett Kimberlin isn’t responsible for the death of Carl DeLong? An Indiana trial jury found him responsible, and the Indiana Supreme Court upheld their verdict.
How veracious is his claim that Aaron Walker is currently a defendant in yet another Kimberlin LOLsuit? Aaron was dismissed from the RICO Retread LOLsuit on a mix of motions for dismissal for failure to state a claim and for summary judgment back in January.
How veracious is … oh, you get the point. Bill Schmalfeldt is a liar.
One does not simply lie in a declaration to the court and expect not to get burned.
One more thing … Bill Schmalfeldt is an adjudicated harasser and an adjudicated cyberstalker of a minor child. While I take no pleasure in writing that statement, I have a certain appreciation for its irony. You see, Gentle Reader, Bill Schmalfeldt was among the cyberthugs who were engaging in online defamation of me just about this time last year, claiming that I had engaged in online harassment of a teenage girl. Their story was false, and both the civil and criminal actions filed against me fizzled. OTOH, the Cabin Boy™ now has collected a total of nine restraining/peace/no-contact orders issued by courts in five states, and one of them protects a three-year old kid.
* * * * *
IIRC, it was the Cabin Boy™ who used a declaration from Brett Kimberlin as an exhibit supporting a motion.
One does not simply lie in a declaration to the court and expect not to get burned.
* * * * *
The Truth is out there, but the Cabin Boy™ has no idea where.
Four years ago today, Bill Schmalfeldt filed LOLsuit III: The Search for Schlock in the U.S. District Court for the District of Maryland. I took notice of his action in a post titled In Re a LOLsuit.
He has also filed an application to proceed in forma pauperis.
I do not plan to make any substantive comment on this suit until I have thoroughly reviewed the complaint.
* * * * *
Now that the suit is long dead, I’ll offer this comment: Bwahahahahahahahahahah!
Although the suit could have been dismissed for failure to state a claim upon which relief could be granted, the judge didn’t have to get that far into the complaint. TDPS had filed in the wrong court, so the case was kicked for lack of jurisdiction. That led the Cabin Boy™ to file LOLsuit IV: The Voyage to Oblivion in the Circuit Court for Howard County, Maryland. Although that suit could have been dismissed for failure to state a claim upon which relief could be granted, the judge didn’t have to get that far into the complaint. Schmalfeldt had filed his state complaint in the wrong county, so the suit was dismissed for lack of jurisdiction.
The Cabin Boy™ left me out of his lawfare attempts until he got around to filing LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact in the U.S. District Court for the District of South Carolina. Although the suit could have been dismissed for failure to state a claim upon which relief could be granted, the judge didn’t have to get that far into the complaint. The judge found that … wait for it … the court lacked personal jurisdiction over any of the defendants, so the case was dismissed for lack of jurisdiction.
The TKPOTD a few days ago dealt with Bill Schmalfedt’s sticking his nose into to something that wasn’t any of his business. He has a history of doing that quite a lot. This post from three years ago today titled It’s Billogical! details another example of his unwelcome intrusion into the lives of others.
* * * * *
The Cabin Boy’s™ wild goose du jour has to do with his finding a prayer request for a woman he believes is Patrick Grady’s wife in a bulletin from a church in the same town where the Gradys live. He offers no evidence that the Gradys are members or otherwise associated with that church or that the woman in question is actually Patrick Grady’s wife. They may be, and she may be, but he offers no evidence.
But that’s not the real Billogical leap.
The Cabin Boy™ has latched onto the fantasy that the prayer request proves that the post published by Paul Krendler about his daughter being in an accident is somehow about Mrs. Grady instead. Because of all this, he imagines that Patrick Grady has some explaining to do. (Apparently, Grady is Paul Krendler again.) This is another example of Schmalfeldt’s inability to keep timestamps straight.
Krendler’s post about his daughter was put up on 28 May, 2015, and the church bulletin is for May, 2015. The Cabin Boy™ has thus jumped to the conclusion that these dates prove … something! Of course, what it proves is that Schmalfeldt has no idea of the meaning of due diligence. If he had examined the bulletin’s metadata, he would have seen that it was published at the end of April—just like most other publications that laid out a schedule of events for a coming month of May. Moreover, if he had looked at the next item down the page from the prayer request he would have seen this—
If the bulletin was published in a time frame where “May 7th” was “next Thursday,” then it probably was issued before that date. All the Cabin Boy™ had to do was read the entire page where he found that prayer request, and he would have known that his “evidence” didn’t fit his Billogical preconceptions.
Bill Schmalfeldt has yet again invaded the privacy of the Grady family (and perhaps a second family and their church as well). I’ve met Patrick Grady. He strikes me as a thoughtful and patient fellow, but if I were in his shoes, my patience would be exhausted, and I would be seeking to have the existing stalking no contact order enforced.
* * * * *
The Cabin Boy™ included Patrick Grady among the defendants in his most recent losing LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact. Neither The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt nor The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin have been able top establish the identity of Paul Krendler. The Cabin Boy™ claimed that Patrick Grady am Paul Krendler in LOLsuit V: The Final in Maryland, and that case was dismissed with prejudice. Schmalfeldt’s excellent friend claimed that I am Paul Krendler in his RICO 2: Electric Boogaloo LOLsuit. That suit was dismissed with prejudice.
By 2016, TDPK had lost enough LOLsuits to figure out that res judicata prevented him from recycling his specious claims against me, and he dropped me from the state RICO 2 Retread LOLsuit. However, The Cabin Boy™ is a slower learner. He sued Patrick Grady alleging that he’s Paul Krendler three more times. He hasn’t done a fourth time. Yet. We’ve yet to see if he’s really learned his lesson.
It’s been a year now since the Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact was thrown out of court, and we haven’t seen any further lawfare spewing forth from Team Kimberlin during 2018. It’s been a pleasant break. This time a year ago, we couldn’t be sure that 2018 would be as quiet as it has been—as was noted in the TKPOTD from a year ago today.
* * * * *
Is LOLsuit IX: Desperation coming? The Cabin Boy™ seems to be making threats of the direst of dire direness once again—Rather than fisk the whole thing, I’ll limit my pointage, laughery, and mockification to the first and last tweets of that thread.
The Cabin Boy™ continues to display his lack of understanding of the Rules of Evidence, Patrick Grady is under no obligation to admit or deny whether his is Paul Krendler based on Schmalfeldt’s flimsy complaints. If The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt wants to sue Paul Krendler, the burden is on the Cabin Boy™ to correctly identify who he is suing. I’ll also note that Paul Krendler has not admitted to being any one particular individual. For all the Cabin Boy™ knows, he’s being tag teamed. Further, Schmalfeldt has now sued Grady four times alleging that he is Paul Krendler, and one of those suits was dismissed with prejudice. IANAL, but I’ll bet that Fed. R. Civ. P. 41 prohibits any further such suits at this point.
As for the last tweet, which “authorities”? What new crime is TDPS going to allege that Paul Krendler has committed? Or has the Cabin Boy™ still not figured out that the cops aren’t going to waste time on Schmalfeldt’s butthurt?
Oh, one more thing … LOLsuit VIII has not been formally dismissed. We’re not done with the Cabin Boy™ yet.
Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.
UPDATE—Fixed a typo. Also, here are some logins and some more tweets:
2017 DEC 24 06:02:12 UTC Home Page
2017 DEC 24 06:04:31 UTC 2017/12/24/team-kimberlin-post-of-the-day-1746
2017 DEC 24 06:05:43 UTC 2017/12/23/are-you-pondering-what-im-pondering-2932
2017 DEC 24 06:09:59 UTC 2017/12/23/team-kimberlin-post-of-the-day-1745
2017 DEC 24 06:11:13 UTC 2017/12/22/blognet-87
2017 DEC 24 06:15:01 UTC 2015/12/21/hit-a-nerve-have-we-4/screen-shot-2013-03-20-at-8-46-14-pm-700×336
* * * * *
Of course, The Dread Deadbeat Protector Kimberlin has had a busy year protecting our elections, and It may be that job-related travel took up too much of the Cabin Boy’s™ time, so it’s possible that something will pop up during 2019 if their schedules and poor judgment permit.
I have to admit that I’ve found the pointage, laughery, and mockification assosciated with The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s LOLsuits that did not include me as a defendant as wonderful sources of amusement. Today is the third anniversary of the beginning of LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler.
* * * * *
The Cabin Boy™ has announced the filing of his next LOLsuit. He says that he’s mailed it to the U. S. District Court in Milwaukee and that the named defendants are Patrick Grady of Palatine, IL, Eric P. Johnson of Paris, TN, Sarah “Rose” Palmer of Reidsville, NC, Dianna Deeley of San Francisco, CA, The William G. Irwin Charitable Foundation of San Francisco, CA, and Nancy Gilly of Groton, CT. He says they engaged in State Law Torts, Unlawful Use of Computerized Communications Equipment, Harassment, Invasion of Privacy/Right to Publicity, Stalking, Defamation Per Se, and Mopery with Intent to Lurk Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress.
He has also said that he will seek John Doe subpoenas to try to identify the following individuals to be added to his LOLsuit: Techno Jinx, MJ, Roy Schmalfeldt, Vigilans Vindex, Pablo, Neal N. Bob, This Other Latin F*cker, Perry Mason, Howard Earl, A.B., Tao, Jane, Grace, Dr_Mile [sic], Katie Scarlett, Rob Crawford, The 13th Diuke [sic] of Wymborne, Kobayashi Maru, AJ Fornicarious Hoc, JeffM, Gus Bailey, and Colonol [sic] Victor Trollpoker.
Click on the image above to buy more popcorn from Amazon.
* * * * *
The bulk of LOLsuit VI collapsed fairly early on, and the case that lingered against a couple of the defendants was thoroughly defeated at the hands of a lawyer who the Cabin Boy™ had tried to deride as incompetent.
Nothing proceeded as the Cabin Boy™ had hallucinated.
One of the consistent themes put forward by Team Kimberlin is that they are the victims of false narratives and that their defeats in court have been the result of unfair treatment by judges or cheating by the opposing parties. The Legal LULZ Du Jour from three years ago dealt with one example of such a silly claim. Note: The “Lynn” referred to in the first tweet is a woman who wound up getting a restraining order against Bill Schmalfeldt.
* * * * *
Thus tweeteth the Cabin Boy™—Let’s see … the last time the Cabin Boy™ sued me … oh, yeah, that was the LOLsuit in the Circuit Court for Howard County. Now, how did that go?
Yeah, I remember now. Judge Kramer dismissed the suit against the out-of-state defendants because The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt had failed to serve them, and she dismissed the case against me because I was being sued in the wrong county. Now, I’m pretty sure that I told the judge that I lived in Carroll County and didn’t work in Howard County, and I didn’t lie about that.
Hmmmm.It must be some technicality under Acme Law that makes living outside of Howard County a form of cheating. Still, I don’t remember any sense of humiliation as a result of winning.
Perhaps I’m not the one with a progressive brain disorder.
UPDATE—
*yawn*
* * * * *
The Truth is not Team Kimberlin’s friend.
Oh, and the Cabin Boy™ sued me once more. I was a defendant in LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact. That case was dismissed against me because of the court’s lack of personal jurisdiction, i.e., Schmalfeldt sued me in the wrong court. Again.
Come to think of it, the state law claims that The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin tried to bring against me in the RICO Madness and RICO 2: Electric Boogaloo LOLsuits were also dismissed because the U. S. District Court lacked jurisdiction. The RICO Retread LOLsuit could have been dismissed in state court for improper venue, but the judge dismissed it for failure to state a claim in order for the dismissal to be with prejudice.
Incompetent cases filed in the wrong courts. It’s almost as if there’s a pattern here.
The Cabin Boy™ should be used to that kind of outcome. The settlement agreement for the Hoge v. Schmalfeldt copyright lawsuit granted him nothing of what he sought in his counterclaim, but I got the infringing material taken down—the most important item on my list.
Just so. The Cabin Boy™ rages on.
The Cabin Boy™ has made noises about a copyright LOLsuit against his most recent former employer over a DMCA takedown of material he had posted on his latest YouTube channel.
The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has followed in his excellent friend’s footsteps. When he filed LOLsuit I: The Emotional Picture, he included a claim for harassment. In LOLsuit IV: The Voyage to Oblivion, the Cabin Boy™ tried to sue for both harassment and conspiracy. In LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler, … well, we’ll see.
That deserves an updated answer. Here’s a partial listing—
Go ahead. Make my day.
The veracity of his briefs?
Rather than fisk the whole thing, I’ll limit my pointage, laughery, and mockification to the first and last tweets of that thread.
