Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


This episode of Blognet first ran two years ago today. Today, it can be presented with some of the originally redacted parts restored. That additional material is included after the main body of the original post.

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BlognetTitleCardMUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A group of cyberstalkers have been contacting the employers of several bloggers, and the employers are becoming concerned by the harassment. Your job … get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out. Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Brett Kimberlin is a loser. He’s failed at just about everything he’s tried. Dealing LSD got him convicted of perjury when he was still a teenager but old enough to be an adult. His grandiose dope smuggling schemes resulted in his getting caught trying to bring in over 5 tons of weed. He’s been released from supervisor on his parole, but his sentence for the Speedway bombings still has over ten years left to run. His pro se legal career has been an abject failure, and the attempts by the incompetent writers and editors at his PR blog Breitbart Unmasked Bunny Billy Boy Unread to find something … anything … favorable to say about his LOLsuits inspired mockery and parody fiction here at Hogewash! and another blogs.

Speaking of parody fiction, I recycled this episode of BLOGSMOKE four years ago today, and I think it’s worth another run.

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While I was reviewing paperwork for a couple of the bits of lawfare Team Bomber is waging, I noticed a certain synchronicity between the cases of The Bomber and The Grouch. That brought this episode from a year ago to mind …

BlogsmokeSOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3 Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Yesterday’s TKPOTD engaged in a bit of review of one of The Dread Deadbeat Prevaricator Kimberlin’s false narratives about his past, one in which he claimed to have been the insightful investigator who cracked a murder case. Today, we’ll look back on an early Blogsmoke episode that dealt with an investigation into a character known as The Bomber. The episode originally ran five years ago today.

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Blogsmoke

SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

THE GROUCH: (THROUGH A SMALL SPEAKER) It’s all (BLEEP). It’s all absolute (BLEEP). And I and my family have been put through pain and suffering because Lee Stranahan has a grudge. Because somebody, in my opinion, is paying Lee Stranahan to file these charges against me, in the hopes that I will either break or die. I got some (BLEEP) news for you, Stranny (PAUSE) Walker, Hoggy, Frey (PAUSE) and Frey (PAUSE) beware the Ides of March.

JOHN: BlogBash is an awards ceremony held by the National Blogger’s Club during the Conservative Political Action Conference each year. It’s the hot ticket party at CPAC. This year, the Ides of March fell during the Conference.

BlogBash was held at a club that was a couple of blocks from the Convention Center, and, a few days before BlogBash, the club received a phone call from one of The Grouch’s associates, a convicted serial Bomber, threatening the event with a demonstration. There were about a dozen or so of us attending the event who were aware of the threat and who were on the lookout for possible troublemakers.

SOUND: CROWED BAR BACKGROUND UP AND UNDER—SUSTAIN IN BACKGROUND

RULE 5 GIRL: John, they’re out there.

JOHN: What?

RULE 5 GIRL: There’s someone out there stalking people coming and going from the club. He’s got a camera and is taking their pictures.

JOHN: OK, I’ll check it out.

SOUND: CROWDED BAR FADES OUT

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

JOHN: Sure enough, there was a sort of stalker. He was a goofy looking guy who we later identified as someone who worked with The Bomber. They had met in prison while The Goofball was doing time on a kiddie-porn charge.

Oh, and we found out later that The Bomber was there too. He was photographed while there.

SOUND: CROWDED BAR BACK UP—SUSTAIN IN BACKGROUND

AARON: Hey, John. Look at this on my phone.

JOHN: What the … Whose account is that?

AARON: Look, it’s the Twitter account The Bomber probably uses. He’s tweeting about BlogBash and describing things as they happen. He’s got to be someplace just outside.

JOHN: Yeah, and he’s swapping tweets with The Grouch.

SOUND: CROWDED BAR FADES OUT

ANNOUNCER: This the usual point in the program when I break in and try to sell you something, but today we want tell you about a new program beginning next Monday here on LBS. Here’s our star to tell you about it.

W. J. J.: (OUT OF CHARACTER) Yep. In addition to Blogsmoke, we’ll be producing a new feature about the Internet Investigator with the action-packed Twitter account: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

ANNOUNCER: Thanks! And remember folks, Team Lickspittle stuff is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle.

And now back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JOHN: There’s a website … let’s call it Goodguys Unmasked … that publishes attacks on The Bomber’s critics. Sure enough, pictures taken from street outside of BlogBash appeared on that site in short order along with snarky commentary about the event.

One of The Bomber’s weaknesses is his belief that he’s smarter that everyone else. His cleverness often trips him up. In this case, it was the pictures.

You see, pictures taken with digital cameras have data embedded in them in what are called EXIF files. Comparison of the data in the BlogBash pictures posted on Goodguys Unmasked with photos taken by The Bomber while he was stalking someone showed that they had be taken by the same type of camera and downloaded to the same Windows computer. Not a definitive tie in, but certainly suggestive.

And The Bomber and The Goofball weren’t the only people with cameras. There was a lot of pictures taken that evening. There was a lot of surveillance footage from security cameras.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Was The Bomber at BlogBash? It’s possible that the evidence can tell us—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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The Sheriff, Johnny Atsign, Sergeant Friday, and Officer Smith haven’t retired. They’re working separate angles of several related investigations. One of these days, it will make sense for some new episodes to air in order to report new findings.

Stay tuned.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Every once in a while, Team Kimberlin does something that provides a rich vein to mine for pointage, laughery, and mockification. The TKPOTD from five years ago dealt with it a post that Bunny Boy (aka Matt Osborne) published at Breitbart Unmasked Bunny Boy Unread that resulted in the first BLOGSMOKE episode and a multi-year feature here at Hogewash!.

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*snort* *giggle*

Xenophon (the Troll) makes a lame attempt at ironic humor over at Breitbart Unmasked with a post (No, I won’t link to it) trying to cast me as the Internet Sheriff of Twitter Town. It has a sort of Blogsmoke theme.

Here’s how we would have done it back when I was working in radio—

*****Blogsmoke

SOUND: HORSE MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Dodge City Twitter Town and in the territory out west of the net—there’s just one way to handle the killers harassers and the spoilers stalkers—and that’s with a U.S. Marshall an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “GUNSMOKE” “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “GUNSMOKE” “BLOGSMOKE” starring William Conrad W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the violence trolling that moved west with young America into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved with against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

MATT JOHN: I’m that man, Matt Dillon, United States Marshall John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

SOUND: HOUSEHOLD BACKGROUND NOISE—PHONE RINGS OFF MIKE

WILL: (OFF MIKE) Dad! Telephone.

JOHN: I’ll get it in here.

SOUND: PHONE PICKED UP

JOHN: Hello?

LEE: (FILTERED) John, It’s Lee.

JOHN: Hey, Lee.

LEE: (FILTERED) I’m flying into BWI tomorrow evening to file charges against the Grouch. Can you give me a ride from the airport to the courthouse.

JOHN: Sure. When do you get in?

LEE: (FILTERED) Just after six.

JOHN: That works. BWI is on my way home from work. There’s a great place for crab cakes between the airport and where the District Court Commissioner’s night office is located. We’ll grab dinner on the way. Send me an email with the flight info.

LEE: (FILTERED) Thanks, John.

SOUND: PHONE HANGS UP—HOUSEHOLD BACKGROUND FADES

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

SOUND: CAR ROLLING TO A STOP

PARKING GIRL: Three Dollars.

JOHN: Here you go.

PARKING GIRL: Need a receipt?

JOHN: No thanks.

SOUND: CAR ACCELERATES—ROAD NOISE SUSTAINS IN BACKGROUND

JOHN: So how do your wife and kids feel about this?

LEE: They’re tired of it. After a while, it became obvious that he wasn’t going to stop.

JOHN: Yeah.

LEE: I can put up with a lot, but when he suggested that my wife be raped while I was away covering the convention …

JOHN: Uh, huh.

LEE: As if that weren’t enough … going on and on about the child we lost in childbirth … And saying that I was pimping my wife and daughter.

JOHN: Yeah. He’s scum. By the way, you see that trailer park on the right.

LEE: Yes.

JOHN: He’s in Number 71.

SOUND: ROAD NOISE FADES

ANNOUNCER: There’s a nip in the air these days as autumn moves toward winter. One good way to fight the chill is a Team Lickspittle sweatshirt or hoodie. Why not get yours today? Team Lickspittle sweatshirts and hoodies are just some of the trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on, stuff exclusively available at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle.

And now, back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

COMMISSIONER: Raise your right hand. Do you solemnly swear or affirm under penalty of perjury that statements contained herein are true to the best of your knowledge and belief.

LEE: I do.

COMMISSIONER: Sign and date all the pages please.

LEE: OK.

SOUND: PEN SCRATCHING

LEE: There.

COMMISSIONER: Thank you.

SOUND: FORMS BEING SEPARATED—STAPLER

COMMISSIONER: Here are your copies. Have a good evening.

LEE: Thanks. Good night.

JOHN: Well, that’s that. Let’s go.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES—FOOTSTEPS ACROSS PARKING LOT—TWO CAR DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE—CAR STARTS INTERIOR POV

JOHN: You can crash on our couch tonight.

LEE: Thanks, John.

JOHN: No problem. We’ll see how Howard County deals with this.

SOUND: CAR ACCELERATES AND ROAD NOISE FADES

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) You know, cyberstalkers like the Grouch do real harm. Over the next week, he began to expand his attacks on bloggers—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

*****

Amateurs. Pfft.

Stay tuned for Episode 2.

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And the pointage, laughery, and mockification continues.

Programming Note


Based on the Gentle Readers’ responses to the poll at the end of Monday’s Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign episode, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System crew will be taking a break for most of the rest of the summer. Blogsmoke, Blognet, and YTJA should back after Labor Day, and if something special happens, there’ll be a special program.

Blogsmoke


SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3 Continue reading

Blogsmoke


SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3 Continue reading