Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


SOUND: (Caller’s POV) Phone rings twice.

PRODUCER: (Telephone Filter) L-B-S.

JOHNNY: Hey, it’s Johnny Atsign.

PRODUCER: (Telephone Filter) Hi, Johnny. If you’re calling this late, it must mean you’re still out of town.

JOHNNY: Yep. I’ll be out on this case for a while.

PRODUCER: (Telephone Filter) Getting any fishing done.

JOHNNY: Not much yet, but it’s possible to fish for rainbow trout in one of the city parks in this town. But let’s get to why I called. The Grouch has been trying to forge a bunch of stuff recently, but The Bomber has an even longer record of faking stuff.

PRODUCER: (Telephone Filter) Uh, huh.

JOHNNY: (Fading out) There’s an episode from …

ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Johnny.

JOHNNY: What’s up, Aaron?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) The Bomber’s filed that report the judge ordered.

JOHNNY: Which one? The one about service in the RICO suit?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Yeah, and some of the exhibits don’t add up

JOHNNY: And you want me to do some digging?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) You got it.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Blognet


NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A notorious anti-First-Amendment activist has sued a blogger for an alleged civil rights violation and subpoenaed information from a second blogger. Although the second blogger responded fully, he is now facing a motion for sanctions. Your job … find get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out. Continue reading

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


Johnny left this afternoon muttering something about trout fishing on the Rio Grande. We’re presenting this vintage episode in his absence.

ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Cell phone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Good afternoon, Johnny. Whatcha doin’?

JOHNNY: Hi. I’m not doing anything.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Nothing?

JOHNNY: Well, I’m drinking a cup of coffee, but otherwise, I’m taking a day off.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) You may want to take a look at The Grouch’s Twitter feed.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Blogsmoke


SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3 Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


One common characteristic among the members of Team Kimberlin is their mouths writing checks their bodies can’t cash. As can be seen from the TKPOTD from a year ago today, the Cabin Boy’s™ idle threats are a prime example.

* * * * *

fmp201702060510zIf I were going to eat a gun, I’d probably go for one of these—

chocolate1911My problem is that a full-size chocolate Model 1911 packs over 110 g of fat, and my cardiologist tells me eating that much at once would probably not be good for my cholesterol levels. However, if the Gentle Reader would like to give one a try, these chocolate 1911s are available from Amazon. Click on the image on the left to buy.

* * * * *

Not only could the Cabin Boy™ not cash his mouth’s check, but I made a few bucks from Amazon commissions on sales of chocolate .45s.

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for —

SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Johnny.

JOHNNY: Well, hello!

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Did you follow The Grouch’s antics over the weekend?

JOHNNY: Nope. I went fishing. What’s up?

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) He’s threatening to file another LOLsuit.

JOHNNY: Good. That will make my life easier.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Yours Truly Johnny Atsign


Johnny is still tying up some loose ends on an investigation, so we’re recycling the vintage episode.

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: (Groggy) Johnny Atsign.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Johnny!

JOHNNY: (Suddenly Awake) Well, hello …

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Have you checked your DMs this morning.

JOHNNY: Not yet. I haven’t even had my coffee.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Check ’em.

JOHNNY: What’s up?

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) You’ll see.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading