Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

The Gentle Reader who has heard any of the alleged music created by Team Kimberlin (Bill Schmalfeldt’s parody songs, Brett Kimberlin’s music videos, or Willam Ferguson’s technocrap) may find it difficult to believe that there have been occasional bits of good music associated with The Saga of Team Kimberlin. Seven years ago today, I ran this post about The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

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Last night, I was running iTunes in random mode when The Sorcerer’s Apprentice by Paul Dukas came up. The first time I can remember hearing that piece was when I saw the movie Fantasia at the Tennessee theater in downtown Nashville back in the ’50s. The work is a symphonic poem that tells the story of Goethe’s poem Der Zauberlehrling. You probably know the story: Rather than do his chores the old fashioned way, a young apprentice tries to use magic. He loses control of his enchanted broom but is saved in the end when his master returns and sets things right. Mickey Mouse plays the apprentice in the Disney version.

But back to my story …

I didn’t initially realize what was playing in the background because I was concentrating on writing today’s Team Kimberlin Post of the Day. When I did notice the music, it struck me as somewhat related to what I was writing. The post was about Bill Schmalfeldt’s bumbling attempts at lawfare. He’s tried to use lawfare as an easy pushback against the various attempts to hold him accountable for his online harassment and cyberthuggery. Yet, each time he tries something, the legal waves break higher and higher against him.

One wonders—will his master save him?

Probably not.

His master has been no more successful in the long run with his lawfare. Team Kimberlin’s performance, by master or apprentice, can’t even be described as “mickey mouse.”

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Yeah, Acme isn’t a Disney thing, is it?

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Before it went quiet, Team Kimberlin’s PR operation was constantly predicting the direst of dire direness would befall those of us opposing them in court. Bill Schmalfeldt’s silly rants predicting my being led away in irons from a hearing scheduled in October, 2013, was one example. Eight years ago today, I posted these Quotes of the Day to poke fun at him.

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No enemy bomber can reach the Ruhr. If one reaches the Ruhr, my name is not Göring. You may call me Meier.

—Hermann Göring

…and if Hoge leaves the courthouse on Oct. 16 a free man, I will be shocked.

—Bill Schmalfeldt

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Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Given the poor quality of the legal filings made by Team Kimberlin, I wasn’t too much of a stretch to begin joking that they were getting their advice from the legal department of the same Acme Corporation that sold stuff to a certain coyote. The TKPOTD for eight years ago today reported on the actual source of their briefs.

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The source of Cabin Boy Bill Schmalfeldt’s “legal” briefs has been found—Acme Underwear.team_kimberlin_brief

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If the Gentle Reader would like to purchase memorabilia related to The Saga of Team Kimberlin, take a look at the fine offerings at The Hogewash Store.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

The main reason Team Kimberlin has lost every single LOLsuit they filed since 2012 is that both the facts and the law have been against them, but a close runner up was their mind-boggling incompetence as pro se litigants. This post from eight years ago today poked fun at #BillSchmalfeldt, Legal Genius.

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From tweets in my Twitter timeline and emails, I’m given to understand that Bill Schmalfeldt has received service on the Motion to Dismiss Petitioner’s Motion for Stay Pending Appeal filed by my lawyer. I’m told that he doesn’t like it. Now, that’s a shock—Schmalfeldt doesn’t like my lawyer’s defense of my position.

The mailman just delivered a copy for me a few minutes ago. It seems that Md Rule 8-425 states that the party filing for injunctive relief shall do so in the Circuit Court first before going to an appellate court. Since that isn’t the course the Sore Loserman has taken, Ms. Barnes has asked that his motion be dismissed.

Schmalfeldt filed his appeal with the wrong court. Now, it appears he’s filed a motion in the wrong court.

Acme Legal strikes again!

UPDATE—BS_Genius

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Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

For all their grandiose planning and “clever” narratives, Team Kimberlin fails because they never seem to be able to understand the likely consequences of their actions of implication of what they’re saying. This I’m Not Making This Up, You Know from seven years ago today pointed out an unforced error.

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Bunny Boy has a headline story over at Breitbart Unmasked about a young criminal being caught with IEDs. (No, I won’t link to it.)

Apparently, Brett Kimberlin was unavailable for comment.

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Heh.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Team Kimberlin’s LOLsuits have always wound up backfiring and becoming marvelous sources of pointage, laughery, and mockification. The TKPOTD from five years ago today dealt with one of them.

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The Dreadful Pro-Se Freeloader Schmalfeldt has posted some more of his yibble-bibble concerning his unique theory of spoliation of evidence. (No, I won’t link to it.) He seems to to think that an Illinois Supreme Court case is the controlling precedent for his theory. However, that case deals with a set of facts that have nothing to do with his situation, and, here’s the more important problem he faces, because he’s filed suit in a federal court, the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure and Federal Rules of Evidence apply.

res_judicata_mugsWhen he meets with his lawyer on Wednesday, he should ask about FRCP 37 and sanctions against any party who engages in spoliation of evidence. He should, but I doubt that he will.

He should also ask his lawyer about the effect of dismissing Schamfeldt v. Grady, et al. (I), Case No. 15-CV-1241-RDB (D.Md. 2015) with prejudice has on the claims in LOLsuit VII: Degenerations. For example, if Grady must be dismissed because of res judicata, on what grounds can Sarah Palmer be haled into the U.S. District Court of the District of Northern Illinois? He should ask what effect his application for copyright registration for Confession of an Undercover Internet Troll in which he swore he was the author of a book that identifies it’s author as Paul Krendler could have on LOLsuit VII.

He should divulge a great many things to his freebie lawyer, and he should ask a lot of important questions. I bet he won’t.

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Whether the Cabin Boy™ was frank and honest with his freebie lawyer or not, the attorney was smart enough to make dismissal of the suit his first order of business, so LOLsuit VII died quickly.

BTW. Res Judicata Coffee Mugs and other merch are available at The Hogewash Store.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

The Dread Deadbeat Performer Kimberlin’s musical career has been the source of much pointage, laughery, and mockification over the years. Here’s the TKPOTD from eight years ago today.

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cameramanThe Justice Through Music Project house band Op-Critical has been putting out covers of old hits fondly remembered by baby boomers, For What It’s Worth and Paradise most recently. Now that they’ve got footage of a process server and cops that they can use, maybe they will favor us with their version of Indiana Wants Me. One of the members would be a natural for the lead vocal.

frontporch

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It looks as if Op-Critical has been disbanded. The op-critical dot com website is gone and the server that had hosted it appears to have been disconnected from the Internet.

Maybe he can do a cover of the Ukrainian version.

 

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Team Kimberlin’s pro se litigation has been full of amazingly stupid court filings. The one featured in this I’m Not Making This Up, You Know from six years ago was one of the most foolish.

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The Cabin Boy™ says that he put this in the mail to the Circuit Court today. I hope so.

The embedded material is the document The Dreaded Pro-Se Schmalfeldt posted on Scribd. I don’t plan to make any public comment on it until I finish laughing.

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The highlighting is in Schmalfeldt’s original post on Scribd. The Gentle Reader can see why The Dreaded Pro-Se Schmalfeldt was renamed The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

One of the theories suggested to explain the mind-bogglingly incompetent performance of Team Kimberlin is that the members suffer from delusions of adequacy. The TKPOTD from six years ago today provides some support to that theory.

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I’m not making this up, you know. It appears that the reason I did not received service of William Ferguson’s motion to dismiss in the Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. lawsuit is that he only served it on himself.

Pro Tip for Pro Ses—All motions, oppositions, and replies are supposed to served on all parties who have appeared in the case.

I had a messenger pick up a copy of his motion from the courthouse today, and after I finish laughing, I’ll write an opposition to file. For now, the Gentle Reader may safely assume that the motion is as well thought out as the certificate of service. I’ll publish his motion and my opposition together.

Oh, one more thing …

Ferguson tweeted on 23 April wondering when I would respond to his motion to dismiss.sub_a201604232319Z

His motion is dated 12 April, but the certificate of service is dated 28 April, and the motion was entered on the docket on 6 May.

Hmmmm.

Stay tuned because the mockery will continue.

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Indeed, it continues.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

The members of Team Kimberlin have often acted as if they believe they are entitled to special treatment, that they have the right to demand compliance with their wishes. This Prevarication Du Jour from seven years ago show one example of their sense of entitlement.

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Not surprisingly, we have another one from the Cabin Boy™. (H/T, @embryriddlealum)@PatO201505040051ZAccording to their communication with me, CreateSpace doesn’t need to see any documentation from me. They’ve pulled Schmalfeldt’s book until a “resolution has been reached between both parties.”ECR_Email20140430

Since I do not wish to grant permission to anyone to publish the work in question in book or ebook form, the matter is now resolved as far as I’m concerned.

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As I’ve remarked on previous occasion, Schmalfeldt has the right to remain silent, but he lacks the self-control to do so.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

The TKPOTD from seven years ago today offered a partial explanation of why much of the reporting about Brett Kimberlin and his activities often seemed more than a little odd.

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This is from a reply to one of The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin’s pleadings in the Kimberlin v. The Universe, et al. RICO Madness.ECF 59-p6

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I couldn’t make that stuff up if I tried.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

The Left can’t meme, so it shouldn’t be any surprise when it turns out when Team Kimberlin (leftist all) winds up being the butt of the joke they try to tell about someone else. Five years ago today, one of Bill Schmalfeldt’s memes was Presented With Comment.

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SRUs201604300523ZThe link in the Cabin Boy’s™ tweet takes you to a post at his site which does include a comment asking the visitor to meet Dave and David.

BTW, the image that Schmalfeldt has defaced is Rembrandt’s painting Balaam’s Ass, so the critter in the picture isn’t even a horse.

The story of how Balak, the king of Moab, tried to hire the prophet Balaam to curse the Israelites and how Balaam wound up blessing them is found in Numbers 22 and 23.

He answered and said, “Must I not take heed to speak that which the LORD puts in my mouth?”

—Numbers 23:12

You know, a story about how a bad guy’s plans backfire seems fitting in this context.

UPDATE—Those Gentle Readers who have not yet met Dave and David should check out their work over at the Artisan Craft Blog.

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The phrase battle of wits with an unarmed man comes to mind.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

One of the more ludicrous aspects of Team Kimberlin’s PR attempts to spin news about their various LOLsuits was their continuing threats that the defendants were about to suffer the direst of dire direness. Seven years ago today, I ran a post about William Ferguson’s prediction that I was in A Grave Situation.

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Well, at least Very Ordinary Seaman Ferguson thinks so.VOSF201401012333ZHogeCemetry<mockery>I’m sure VOSF will be happy to find out that I know where to dig. I have a spot reserved in the Hoge Cemetery near Jasper, Tennessee. It’s in the upper right as seen in this Google Earth view.

OK. I know that VOSF is writing figuratively, but, of course, he’s dead wrong both figuratively and literally about my digging.

Literally, I haven’t been back to Tennessee for almost a year, so there’s no self-dug hole waiting there.

Figuratively, I have no other comment, except to say that he’s wrong—as usual.</mockery>

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There’s a line of tombstones in the upper right of the image. The top two or three are almost obscured by shadows. That’s the row for my branch of the family. The picture was taken before Mrs. Hoge died. Her tombstone is immediately below the bottom one in that line. I have a spot reserved next to her. The spot’s reserved, but the grave hasn’t been dug just yet.

Meanwhile, the mockery continues.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

This episode of Blogsmoke first ran three years ago today.

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SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3 Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

The lame attempts of the Team Kimberlin PR flacks to be clever invariably winds up a source of pointage, laughery, and mockification. The TKPOTD from eight years ago today is about a tweet from Bill Schmalfeldt that blew up in his face.

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LG20130312So far as I know, only one person mentioned in this tweet would have a history that would lead one to suspect him of having a grenade.

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At least there wasn’t an Earth-shattering high-school-parking-lot-shattering kaboom.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Other than his host of failed LOLsuits, the single most ineffective aspect of Brett Kimberlin’s campaign of brass knuckles reputation management has probably been the Breitbart Unmasked Bunny Boy Unread website. The TKPOTD for seven years ago today dealt with one opportunity Matt Osborne’s inept story telling provided for some pointage, laughery, and mockification.

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Xenophon asks a silly and misleading question over at Breitbart Unmasked (No, I won’t link to it).BU20140114b

This is one of those “have you stopped beating your wife” questions. The defendants in the frivolous and vexatious Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. lawsuit won’t be abandoning any so-called “blog court” strategy because we have never employed one. What we have done is point out some of the false allegations in The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin’s complaint and some of mind-bogglingly stupid procedural errors he has made. Here at Hogewash!, I’ve tried to do that with a bit of humor and a great deal of sarcasm. The one thing none of the defendants has done is to tip our hand to show what our actual defense strategy might be. We’ll let the court try the case—if it manages to get past the preliminary stages.

Oh, and to save Xenophon from having to ask, yes, I still beat my wife—at Trivial Pursuits. But she beats me at Scrabble.

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You know, Kimberlin never has found out what my defense strategies would have been, because none the LOLsuits he filed against got to the point where I had to put on a defense. Most of the first suit was dismissed on summary judgment, and the judge stopped the trail on the remainder when Kimberlin failed to present a case showing that I had made any false statement about him. All the rest of the suits were dismissed for failure to state a claim upon which relief could be granted.

He’s actually very, very lucky that I never had to make my case before a jury.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Today is the fifth anniversary of LOLsuit VI:The Undiscovered Krendler—The Complaint.

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Here’s The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s complaint—

I found this paragraph particularly amusing.ECF 1-41

UPDATE—It’s one thing to have FUN pointing and laughing at Cabin Boy’s™ stupidity. It’s something else to offer comments that educate him on how to amend his complaint. Please don’t educate the Blob. Otherwise, I will have to shut down comments on this post.

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When Brett Kimberlin filed the first RICO Madness LOLsuit, he screwed up the listing of defendants in the caption of the complaint, and there was quite a bit of curfuffle over a forged summons before The Dread Deadbeat Pro-Se Kimberlin was finally able to add the missing defendant. The Cabin Boy™ was headed down a similar path with LOLsuit VI. Paragraph 41 in the body of the complaint refers to me as a defendant, but I’m not listed in the caption, resulting in a bit of pointage, laughery, and mockification until the complaint was amended.

I’m Not Making This Up, You Know

She Guevara is espousing Capitalism to support her Socialism—If you’d rather support genuine Capitalism (and save a few bucks while you’re at it), you can buy the Hogewash! Team Lickspittle sweatshirt for only $35.99 at The Hogewash Store.

Buy one and increase this blog’s taxable profits!

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

The Gentle Readers who are new to this blog may wonder what Team Kimberlin is. Simply put, it’s a group of supporters and enablers of Brett Kimberlin, a notorious criminal and anti-First-Amendment activist. Occasionally, I repost one of the guides to the various members of the Team. This early description, On Job Descriptions, is from seven years ago today.

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I’d like to explain to the new members of the Gentle Readership about the job descriptions given to some of the members of Team Kimberlin.

The Dread Pirate Kimberlin received his title after he put up a pirate-themed website called the Bloggers Offense Team. That site is now defunct.

The initial job descriptions of the crew included Neal Rauhauser as First Mate, given his apparent status at the time as TDPK’s righthand man; Ron Brynaert as a Crew Member; and Occupy Rebellion as an Imaginary Friend, given that there were multiple persons behind that identity. Note that these are job descriptions and not nicknames. Referring to Neal Rauhauser as “First Mate” doesn’t give him a nickname any more than calling Al Franken a “Senator” is using a nickname (as calling him “Stuart Smalley” might).

Thus far, only one member of Team Kimberlin has expressed any distress allegedly caused by his job description, one which I did not create. It was given to a crew member who seems to work as a flunky for TDPK and FMNR, and the realization of his place in the food chain probably conflicts with his delusions of adequacy.

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Of course, the noisiest member of that crew has been the Cabin Boy Bill Schmalfeldt™.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

This episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign first ran three years ago today.

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ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Caller’s POV. Phone rings twice. Line picked up.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Hello.

JOHNNY: Good morning, Pete. It’s Johnny Atsign. You left a message on my answering machine.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Right. I was checking to see how the investigation was going on The Grouch’s story about his banking problem.

JOHNNY: I was just writing up my notes. I can give you a brief summary over the phone.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Of all the lame insults through my way by the members of Team Kimberlin, the one that struck me as the most childish was Bill Schmalfeldt’s Twitter impersonation account reference in this post from seven year ago titled #BillSchmalfeldt Takes a Break.

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Or goes into hiding. Or something. PFB201311120200ZHe’s taken his tweets private. That leaves the serial harassment counter set at …S-O-T201311120131ZBTW, the 198 since noon last Friday is not a record. Stacy McCain got over 200 in a couple of days last Thanksgiving.

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BTW, the Cabin Boy™ resumed tweeting at me, so when we went for a renewal of the peace order issued against him, we were able to show the judge almost 500 tweets that violated the terms of the court’s order. The judge extended the peace order for an additional six months. Schmalfeldt eventual wound up subject to a dozen restraining orders issued in five states. One was issued to protect a toddler.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

One of the easiest targets for pointage, laughery, and mockification of Team Kimberlin has been their absurd claims about the law. Seven years ago today, Bill Schmalfeldt asked a stupid question looking for a citation to case law, and I was able to quickly respond, Oh, Look! Here’s One …

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WMSBroad201311101815ZHoge v. Schmalfeldt, Md. 06-C-13-063359, cert. denied.

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Heh.

Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Day by day, people sue or are sued, sometimes justly, sometimes not. In the case of each of the LOLsuit filed by Team Kimberlin, justice prevailed when the law was enforced and the their cases went down in flames. Seven years ago today, fairly early in the whole process, I tried to warn them that they were doomed, but they refused to pay attention to the Civics Lesson.

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We have three branches of government in the State of Maryland. The Legislative Branch makes the laws. The Executive Branch carries out the laws. The Judicial Branch decides cases and interprets the laws.

The Attorney General is part of the Executive Branch. He offers advice to the Legislature and to the various departments of the Executive Branch, and he represents the State before the Court of Special Appeal, the Court of Appeals, and the federal courts. He does not decide the meaning of laws.

The Judicial Branch does that.

So the Legislature may have an opinion about what they intended a law to do, and the Attorney General may offer his opinion as well, but the courts have the final say about the meaning of laws.

There is a pecking order among the courts. Here in Maryland, the District Courts are on the bottom rung. The next step up is the Circuit Courts. These are the courts that are the usual triers of fact. The Court of Special Appeals is the first level appellate court in the state. The Court of Appeals is the higher appellate court. It’s word is final on state law. The only court above it is the Supreme Court of the United States and only for federal issues.

So how do the U. S. District Court for the District of Maryland and the U. S. Circuit Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit fit in? They are in a parallel judicial system. Of course, their rulings are binding on any state court with respect to federal issues, but federal issues only. Thus, how the U. S. District Court ruled on a federal law might provide guidance to a state court on a related issue, but the ruling would not be binding per se with respect to a case relating only to state law.

So relying on a legislative memo or report or on an Attorney General’s opinion at odds with a Circuit Court’s ruling that the Court of Appeals has refused to review is, shall we say, risky. Relying on federal court decision which the Circuit Court has ruled inapplicable when the Court of Appeals has refused to review the Circuit Court’s ruling is similarly unwise.

Here endeth the lesson.

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Every one of Brett Kimberlin’s brass knuckles reputation management LOLsuits failed. Every claim he made was either dismissed, thrown out at summary judgment, or a judge found against him at trial. He lost every appeal. He’s pro se legal machinations became the stuff of jokes. This is from six years ago yesterday at Instapundt

Heh.

The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt did no better.