Bonus Prevarication Du Jour


If the Cabin Boy™ were to make the effort to thoroughly search Hogewash!, he would find that I have never said that he is a child pornographer. Rather, I have suggested that the Gentle Reader should listen to the audio of the implicated Schmalfeldt skits or read the versions he included as exhibits in a LOLsuit VI filing, and make up his own mind.

Similarly, I have never posted anything on Hogewash! stating that the Cabin Boy™ does not have Parkinson’s disease. Indeed, I have specifically stated that I am not qualified to diagnose him, and that he has presented symptoms consistent with Parkinson’s disease while he was in my presence.

I have never publicly expressed any opinion as to whether Bill Schmalfeldt is a child pornographer or whether he suffers from Parkinson’s disease, and I intend to keep my opinions on those matters to myself.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Restaurant background

SOUND: Cellphone rings twice.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny, it’s Paul Candler. How’s it going.

JOHNNY: Well enough. Everything and everyone has been located. I finished my final checks this morning, and I’m grabbing a late breakfast at a nearby Waffle House.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Sounds good.

JOHNNY: Yeah. They serve real southern country ham.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) No, I mean it’s good that you’ve got everything located.

JOHNNY: Yeah. It will make the tracking a lot easier.

SOUND: Restaurant background out.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Blognet


Sergeant Friday and Officer Smith are on an extended assignment, so we will be presenting this episode from 2014—

BlognetTitleCard

MUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A serial adjudicated harasser has appealed a peace order, claiming that he has a First Amendment right to engage in what amounts to cyberbullying. His victim is opposing the appeal. Your job … get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual crime. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end. From crime to punishment. Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out. Continue reading

Blogsmoke


BlogsmokeSOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3 Continue reading

The Usual Suspects


The Daily Beast has an article up describing a few of the organizations behind some recent “spontaneous” protests.

From San Francisco to New York City, … fellow progressive activists are building toward the same long-term objectives of peaceful but noisy resistance.

Peaceful? The organizers of the recent Berkeley protest about Milo were unavailable for comment.