Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


Johnny is still out working a new angle on an old case. He suggested that we present this vintage episode from 2014.
Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, It’s Aaron. We won.

JOHNNY: Congratulations! How long was the jury out?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) It didn’t go to the jury. The judge cut it off after The Bomber rested his case and gave us a directed verdict.

JOHNNY: Well, we knew that he didn’t have a case.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Yes. And he proved that for us.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign! Continue reading

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


SOUND: Skype rings four times. Caller’s POV.

JOHNNY (Telephone Filter): Hi! You’ve reached Johnny Atsign’s voice mail. If I weren’t too busy, I’d answer this call, but I haven’t, so I must be tied up in some investigation. Or I’m taking a nap. Or I’m fishing. If I’m lucky, I’m fishing.

SOUND: (Telephone Filter): Beep.

PRODUCER: OK, Johnny. I guess this means you’re still out working that new investigation. Give me a call as soon as your back so we can put next week’s episode together.

SOUND: Telephone receiver hung up.

PRODUCER: I guess I’ll have to get one out of the vault.

ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype phone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Good evening, Johnny.

JOHNNY: Hello! What’s up?

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Have you been following The Grouch’s Twitter feed this weekend?

JOHNNY: No, I took the weekend off again. And didn’t you ask me that question last week?

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Uh, huh, I did. He’s having another copyright meltdown.

JOHNNY: What now?

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) It’s about the book he wrote that he said he didn’t write.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Prevarication Du Jour


The Cabin Boy™ is lying.

If this webpage disappears, it will be a textbook case of spoliation.

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

UPDATE—So now the Cabin Boy™ admits receiving my Requests of Admissions.Of course, that digs his hole quite a bit deeper, especially if he really filed this opposition to my motion for summary judgment—

He’s making contradictory statements. Perhaps he should consult a lawyer for advice about his rights under the Fifth Amendment.

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign



ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once. Telephone handset picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) Mr. Atsign, my name is Matti Sorensen. I’m calling from Fortion Energy. We are a power company in Finland.

JOHNNY: Yes?

LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) You have been recommended to me as someone to conduct an Internet investigation in the United States.

JOHNNY: That’s my line of work. Exactly what sort of investigation?

LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) We believe that someone in the U.S. is infringing our intellectual property on Twitter.

JOHNNY: Why not simply send a takedown notice?

LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) We want to know more before we act.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading

Legal LULZ Du Jour


I presented a set of facts to Judge Hecker in my show cause petition, and the judge issued the show cause order for contempt against the Cabin Boy™ based on those facts and the judge’s understanding of the law. I look forward to watching Oliver Wendell Jones instructing Judge Hecker in the finer points of Rule 16-208.

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Restaurant background

SOUND: Cellphone rings twice.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny, it’s Paul Candler. How’s it going.

JOHNNY: Well enough. Everything and everyone has been located. I finished my final checks this morning, and I’m grabbing a late breakfast at a nearby Waffle House.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Sounds good.

JOHNNY: Yeah. They serve real southern country ham.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) No, I mean it’s good that you’ve got everything located.

JOHNNY: Yeah. It will make the tracking a lot easier.

SOUND: Restaurant background out.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out. Continue reading