This episode of Blognet first ran seven years ago today.

* * * * *

MUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A cyberstalker has filed motion for sanctions in a lawsuit alleging that a blogger has engaged in the unlicensed practice of law by ghost writing court documents for another blogger. Your job … help get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Wednesday, February 3rd. It was cold and overcast in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 11:23 am when Liz and I entered Room S-121, Document Forensics.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room.

BUNSEN: Hi, Liz, Joe.

SMITH: Hi, Phil. Did that Word document check out?

BUNSEN: Yes, it’s genuine.

FRIDAY: How can you tell?

BUNSEN: The metadata. It was created on a PC using the same version of Windows as the supposed editor, but the guy was working from what was originally a text file. That agrees with his claim that he cut and pasted the source from an email. The other guy who wrote the original document and who posted the file on Scribd uses a Mac, so he didn’t create this version of the motion.

FRIDAY: OK.

BUNSEN: Now, if you compare the online version in The Bomber’s exhibit with the timestamped files from the author’s Mac, it’s obvious that the original file were created using Pages on OS X, cut and pasted into an email, and sent to the editor. The edits were done on a PC and sent back to the author.

SMITH: So what did he do? Take the Word file and import it into Pages on his Mac?

BUNSEN: I can’t be sure. It looks more like he either manually updated his document or cut and pasted some stuff from the Word document. Whichever, he didn’t use some of the changes.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh.

BUNSEN: If you look at the last timestamped Pages file, it was used to generate the pdf file that was served on the other parties by email, and that pdf is consistent with what was filed with the court.

SMITH: So The Bomber doesn’t really have anything to back up his allegations, does he?

BUNSEN: There’s nothing in the exhibit he attached to his motion that explicitly supports his claim. Actually, his exhibit really tends to support the other side.

FRIDAY: Maybe The Bomber should have sent his motion to the guy who did the editing instead of the court.

BUNSEN: How’s that?

FRIDAY: Editors also do fact checking.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: 11:48 am. Liz and I returned to the Internet Detail Office.

SMITH: The blogger wanted us to get in touch as soon as the analysis was finished. Do you want me to send him an email?

FRIDAY: Add what we’ve got to the file and send it to him. I’ll give him a call with a heads up.

SOUND: Telephone receiver picked up. Touch tone phone buttons.

FRIDAY: Good, morning. It’s Sergeant Friday. … Our document guy has gone over The Bomber’s motion and exhibit along with your files. He can give you an independent opinion supporting your position … Yeah, I thought you’d like to hear it as soon as possible … No, we didn’t … That’s not a problem. I can give to you over the phone, or Liz can put it in her email … Sure … Uh, huh … You’re welcome … Early this afternoon … OK, good bye.

SOUND: Telephone receiver hung up.

FRIDAY: Liz, he wants you to include Phil’s contact information in your email in case he needs to get an affidavit to go with his opposition to The Bomber’s motion.

SMITH: OK. You gotta wonder: What is going through The Bomber’s mind when he files this stuff?

FRIDAY: He must think that he’s capable of dealing with so many cases at once, but he keeps failing. It’s obvious why.

SMITH: How’s that?

FRIDAY: He’s clearly in over his head.

NARRATOR: On Tuesday, March 29th, The U. S. District Court for the District of Maryland ruled. In a moment, the court’s ruling.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Spring has sprung. With warmer-but-not-hot weather coming, a Hogewash! Res Judicata long-sleeve t-shirt could be just the thing for casual wear. It’s exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re both ways you can support the Team.

NARRATOR: On Tuesday, March 29th, The U. S. District Court for the District of Maryland ruled. The entire lawsuit filed by The Bomber was dismissed with prejudice. That dismissal rendered the motion moot.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

* * * * *

A common theme in so many of these episodes is The Bomber’s schemes blowing up in his face.