Bill Schmalfeldt fled Maryland in 2015. This Legal Error Du Jour from seven years ago today may help explain why he has never returned.

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Normally these posts are referred to as Legal LULZ, but this one isn’t funny.

I have a passing familiarity with Maryland’s child pornography law because I served as the foreman of a jury that convicted a man of violating that law.

Md. Crim. L. § 11-207 states:

(a) A person may not:
…
(3) use a computer to depict or describe a minor engaging in an obscene act, sadomasochistic abuse, or sexual conduct …

IANAL, but it appears that the law covers any depiction or description, not just texts or images. The Gentle Reader can listen to one of the Cabin Boy™ alleged comedy skits online or read the transcripts he provided to Judge Joseph as exhibits and make up his own mind about whether producing the material in Maryland might have been illegal.

BTW, the perp our jury convicted got 54 years.

UPDATE—The Cabin Boy™ is stuck on stupid.Of course, the Cabin Boy™ statement is based on idea that if something isn’t illegal, then he hasn’t done it. Let’s try that out against some other claims the Cabin Boy™ has made.

There’s no law against being a former truck driver, therefore, Bill Schmalfeldt isn’t a former truck driver.

There’s no law against being a former GS-13 editor, therefore, Bill Schmalfeldt isn’t a former GS-13 editor.

There’s no law against being a Viet Nam era veteran, therefore, Bill Schmalfeldt isn’t a Viet Nam era veteran.

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There’s also no statute of limitation on felonies in Maryland, and Child Pornography is a felony.