Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Seven years ago today, the Great Snowpocalypse of 2016 was bearing down on Westminster. After sending the Lickspittle Broadcasting System crew home early, it wasn’t possible to get that day’s BLOGSMOKE episode finished, so I cued up this pair of Johnny Atsign episodes and got ready to shovel two feet of global warming.

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Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Landline phone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) Atsign, it’s Bradshaw.

JOHNNY: Why, Lieutenant, to what do I owe the honor?

LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) Cut the sarcasm, Atsign. As much as I hate to admit it, I need some help.

JOHNNY: From me, Lieutenant?

LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) Yeah. From you, Atsign.

JOHNNY: You must be in one helluva hole. Tell me more.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Dead Air Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @LtBradshaw It’s like old times!

JOHNNY: Bradshaw and I go way back. We first worked together in radio on a public station in LA. We both moved on, and so did the show we worked on. It moved to a another public station for a while before hitting the big time. That second public station never was massively popular, and in recent years it’s fallen off the rating charts. While I’ve never been associated with that second station, Bradshaw has worked with them occasionally.

LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) … the way the station is run is circus. It’s almost as if no one is really in charge.

JOHNNY: But that’s not surprising, given the station’s policies and politics.

LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) Yeah, but they still have enough sense to want to protect their brand, whatever it might be. They do know that they don’t want to be associated with some things and some people. And one of those people is The Grouch. He says he’s planning on simulcasting their on-air feed.

JOHNNY: Sounds to me like that would weaken both brands which is just fine from my point of view, but, OK, I’ll check around and see what I can turn up.

SOUND: Telephone receiver hung up.

JOHNNY: It was time to run down some leads.

LT. BRADSHAW: (Full mike) All right, hold it right where you are! I’m Lieutenant Bradshaw with a piece of advice for you. Now, here in the studio it’s all knuckles and know how. But when that red light goes off, I’m just plain Joe Doaks: citizen, weekend father. Now take a tip from a cop who does; radio work can be just as dirty and exciting as hunting down Public Enemy Number One. So when I get home, I unwind with my favorite beverage, and I drink mine from a Team Lickspittle Drinking Glass.

ANNOUNCER: Right, Joe. That’s just one example of the Team Lickspittle, Johnny Atsign, Grand Hog, Collateral Estoppel, Res Judicata, and Murum Aries Attigit glassware available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, spend some money, and support Team Lickspittle. And remember, folks, you can also support Team Lickspittle by hitting the Tip Jar.

JOHNNY: The question that was puzzling Bradshaw was who was The Grouch’s connection at the station who might have been involved with setting up the simulcasting. It turned out that it wasn’t a hard connection to make, and it only took one phone call to verify the online information I’d found.

CLERK: (Telephone Filter) … that’s right. The scan that is posted online is a true copy of the what I have here in the file.

JOHNNY: Thanks. You’ve saved me a trip to Annapolis.

CLERK: (Telephone Filter) Glad to help, Mr. Atsign. Can I do anything else for you?

JOHNNY: No. Thanks. Good bye.

CLERK: (Telephone Filter) Good bye.

SOUND: Telephone receiver hung up.

JOHNNY: I’d found a possible connection. It was via The Bomber. A cofounder of one of his not-for-profits was an on-air personality at the station. I passed the information on to Bradshaw.

JOHNNY DMS: (SYNTH VOICE) @LtBradshaw You may be being eaten by Friedeggs.

LT. BRADSHAW DMS: (SYNTH VOICE) @JohnnyAtsign Thanks for the info.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Why all the dead air?

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? You can’t make this stuff up. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System. Meanwhile, stay tuned for Part Two.

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Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype phone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) Atsign, it’s Bradshaw.

JOHNNY: Why, Lieutenant, to what do I owe the honor once again?

LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) Cut the sarcasm, Atsign. Look, I called to say, “Thanks,” for that help last week.

JOHNNY: Oh. Well, in that case, “You’re welcome.”

LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) If you’re headed down to Annapolis and Baltimore any time soon, I’d like to ask for another couple of favors.

JOHNNY: As a matter of fact I am. What’s on your mind?

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Missing Paperwork Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @LtBradshaw This spirit of cooperation could ruin our cop/detective competition schtick.

JOHNNY: Bradshaw and I go way back. We first worked together in radio on a public station in LA. We both moved on, and so did the show we worked on. It moved to a another public station for a while before hitting the big time. That second public station never was massively popular, and in recent years it’s fallen off the rating charts. While I’ve never been associated with that second station, Bradshaw has worked with them occasionally. Bradshaw had asked me to conduct an investigation on that station’s behalf.

During my investigation. I uncovered a connection between The Grouch, The Bomber, and a radio personality named Bud Friedeggs that provided a possible explanation as to how The Grouch had temporarily been the station’s feed to fill some of the dead air on his Internet radio station. Friedeggs had a daily program on the station, and he was the cofounder of one of The Bomber’s not-for-profits.

Now, Bradshaw wanted some certified documents related to that not-for-profit. Since I was going to be near the state offices involved, I agreed to pick them up. My first stop was at the Department of Assessment and Taxation.

CLERK 1: OK, here’s the certified copies of the initial corporate filing. The charge is a dollar a page and twenty for the certification.

JOHNNY: Do you take plastic?

CLERK 1: I wish we did. No. Fax transactions must use a credit card, but over-the-counter transactions have to be for cash. Or I can take a check or money order.

JOHNNY: No problem. Here are a couple of twenties.

CLERK 1: Let me get your change.

SOUND: Cash drawer opened.

CLERK 1: Here you go.

JOHNNY: Thanks.

SOUND: Cash drawer closed.

ANNOUNCER: Cold weather’s coming. The Team Lickspittle Blanket Wrap is the multi-tasker’s dream come true and a must have for all homes. Whether it’s watching TV while munching on snacks or chatting on the phone while surfing the web, do it all in the warmth and coziness of this thermo plush blanket. The Team Lickspittle Blanket Wrap has sleeves and pockets for you to conveniently stash your phone, remote, or hands. It’s just one example of the Team Lickspittle, Johnny Atsign, The Grand Hog, Collateral Estoppel, Res Judicata, and Murum Aries Attigit goodies available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, spend some money, and support Team Lickspittle. And remember, folks, you can also support Team Lickspittle by hitting the Tip Jar.

JOHNNY: My next stop was at the Maryland Secretary of State’s Charities Division.

CLERK 2: I’m sorry, Mr. Atsign, but I can’t give you a copy of a registration certificate. That not-for-profit isn’t registered with the State as a charity.

JOHNNY: But I thought charities that raised more that 25k were supposed to register.

CLERK 2: They are. Perhaps this one is affiliated with another, and the fund raising is done through that entity.

JOHNNY: Could be. This one’s a 501(c)(4), and it is connected to a 501(c)(3). Here’s the name, address, and EIN for that one. Have you got a registration for it?

SOUND: Typing on keyboard.

CLERK 2: Uh … no. We don’t. Are you sure these are active charities raising money?

SOUND: Well, calling them charities is a matter of opinion, but according to their IRS Form 990s, they’ve raised over two million bucks.

CLERK 2: I see. Could you hand those papers back to me for a couple of minutes? I need to make some copies.

JOHNNY: Here. Take the whole file.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @LtBradshaw I didn’t get everthing you wanted, but I found what you need.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? Another old friend turns up. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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Johnny tells me these files is still open.

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