This episode of Blogsmoke first ran five years ago today.

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SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

SOUND: Footsteps coming down a hall and into the room.

JOHN: Hi, Joe.

FRIDAY: Hi, Sheriff, Brain.

BRAIN: Ready for the weekend?

SOUND: Coins inserted in vending machine. Button pressed. Drink delivered.

FRIDAY: Yeah. It looks like most of tomorrow will be yard work.

JOHN: Leaves?

SOUND: Soda can opened. Chair pulled out.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh. Not enough to rake just yet. I’ll mulch ’em with the mower.

BRAIN: Getting back to something sorta related to the blog, what do you think about The Bomber’s appeal brief?

JOHN: He managed to surprise me.

FRIDAY: How’s that?

JOHN: Well, we’ve only seen the redacted version, but it’s even more slipshod than I expected.

BRAIN: Oh?

JOHN: Yeah. I expected The Bomber to make an issue out of having to respect the sealing required by the trial court’s protective order, but I thought he would put more emphasis on the actual merits of his case.

BRAIN: His case has merits?

JOHN: (Chuckles) Not really, but I expected that he would have done a better job of arguing his legal theory.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

ANNOUNCER: Autumn is here, and cool weather is settling in. Soon it will be time to sit by the fire with a hot drink. Are you a proud member of Team Lickspittle and a fan of Johnny Atsign? Why not sip that drink from a Johnny Atsign coffee mug? Johnny Atsign, Team Lickspittle, The Grand Hog, Murum Aries Attigit, and Res Judicata merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today, spend some money, and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JOHN: (Fading up) … so his real goal is to find a way to publish the sealed material.

FRIDAY: I wonder if he really thinks any of it will help his case.

JOHN: That’s something I can’t figure out. I haven’t seen everything that sealed in the case that’s on appeal, but The Bomber tried to use some of the discovery from that case in my recent trial. I don’t understand how he thought what he wanted to use helped him.

BRAIN: Yeah. I remember you saying that you would have introduced the stuff yourself if you hadn’t been bound by the protective order too.

JOHN: Uh, huh. The only thing that makes sense to me is that he thinks that there’s something in each of the items he wants to leak that will embarrass one of his enemies. I don’t think his appeal is about winning. It’s a scorched earth campaign.

FRIDAY: Well, maybe this time he’ll learn the danger of playing with fire.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.”

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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He writes the script controls The Narrative.