This episode of Blognet first ran eight years ago today.
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NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
MUSIC: Up, then under …
NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A group of cyberbullies has been operating in support of convicted domestic terrorist by conducting online attacks on bloggers. They’re using various techniques to mask their identities. Your job … unmask ‘em.
MUSIC: Up then under …
ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.
MUSIC: Up and out.
SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.
FRIDAY: It was Thursday, August 28th. It was clear and warm in Westminster. We were working the evening watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 6:02 pm when Liz and I returned to Room S-140. Internet Detail.
SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room. Chairs pulled out.
SMITH: It’s amazing the sort of information that the lab guys can tease out of digital evidence.
FRIDAY: Uh, huh. They’ve been doing that sort of stuff for years. Back when I was in the Army, we had to use manual typewriters for certain applications. It turned out that our electric typewriters generated unique electromagnetic pulses for each character, and the NSA had developed a method of reading the signals remotely. They never would tell us how much range they had, but we had to assume that the KGB and GRU had a similar capability.
SMITH: Typewriters! You are old, Joe.
FRIDAY: Yeah. I was a mess boy on the Ark.
SMITH: Right. So now that we’ve got the actual originating IP addresses for some of these emails and blog comments, we should be able to tie those to specific ISPs.
FRIDAY: And get subpoenas for client information. That’s where the MAC address information will be useful. That will tie particular messages to particular pieces of hardware. While it doesn’t prove who was using, say, a particular laptop or smartphone, it creates a strong circumstantial case.
SMITH: I wonder how the lab guys pulling all this information out of the stuff we give them.
FRIDAY: I don’t know for sure, but I remember reading that the FBI was running its own nodes on TOR. It’s probably something along those lines.
SMITH: Whatever. It’s helping us beat them.
FRIDAY: Yeah. Maybe we’re using TOR’s hammer.
MUSIC: Stinger and under.
FRIDAY: Liz and I set to work correlating the information we had received from the lab with our interview notes and other evidence. That sort of detailed review is a big part of what detective work really is.
SMITH: Joe, take a look at this.
FRIDAY: Whatcha got?
SMITH: Here’s the actual IP for several of the comments.
FRIDAY: Uh, huh.
SMITH: It belongs to the ISP that a couple of the suspects are known to use.
FRIDAY: Yeah, and that ISP has how many subscribers in that neighborhood?
SMITH: It should still be enough for a subpoena of the ISP’s logs. Those will show subscriber accounts.
FRIDAY: OK. Write it up. We’ll need to follow this lead. It may confirm a great deal of what we learned in that interview at the Federal Courthouse a couple weeks ago.
MUSIC: Up and under.
NARRATOR: You have heard Part Two of a multipart investigation.
ANNOUNCER: Once a matter reaches final judgment in a court case, the doctrine of res judicata means that future case should consider the matter closed. It should not be retried. There’s lots of nifty Hogewash! Res Judicata stuff available at The Hogewash Store. There are shirts and drinkware and other interesting items. Loyal members of Team Lickspittle can show their support by shopping today. And did you know that there’s another way to show your support? Feel free to hit the Tip Jar.
NARRATOR: This episode of Blognet is the second part of a multi-episode investigation. Tune in in two weeks for Part Three.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.
This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.
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The Interwebz are forever.