This episode of Blogsmoke first ran eight years ago today.

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SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

JOHN: The Bomber had sued me and four other bloggers, alleging that we had done all sorts of mean and nasty things to him. You see, we had be writing truthful things about his past and providing accurate coverage of his present activities. That seem to put a big crimp in his ability to raise money to support his “charitable” activities.

Lawsuits are full of ups and downs, and this one was no different. It probably should have been thrown out on motions to dismiss. It probably should have been thrown out when The Bomber was caught forging documents used as exhibits in his court filings.

One part of pre-trial preparation is called discovery. During that process, each side asks the other for information that might lead to evidence to be presented at trial. I provided proper responses to the interrogatories posed by The Bomber. He refused to answer my interrogatories or comply with my request for production of documents. He treated my codefendants the same way.

Finally, we’d had enough of his nonsense, and Our Lawyer moved for summary judgment in our favor because of The Bomber’s refusal to provide any evidence to back his case. We also sought to have The Bomber sanctioned.

JUDGE: No, I’m not asking if you offered to provide the discovery sought. Did you provide it? Yes or no?

THE BOMBER: No. I filed for a protective order …

JUDGE: A protective order? Sir, this is your lawsuit. What do you need to protect?

THE BOMBER: Judge, I …

JUDGE: Do you think you can just walk into a trial and expect say, “These people did all this,” and not have any documentation that you were defamed?

OUR LAWYER: In any event, Your Honor, he waited too long to file his order. You can see that it was denied as untimely.

JUDGE: When was all this due?

OUR LAWYER: The end of April, Your Honor.

JUDGE: And we’re at the beginning of July. A bit over two months. OK. Sir, I’m going to give you 30 days to get responsive answers to the Defendant’s discovery into their lawyer’s hands.

OUR LAWYER: Excuse me, Your Honor, but we have a trial date in early August. I need more time than that to prepare my defense.

THE BOMBER: I could get something to him in two weeks.

OUR LAWYER: Your Honor, he’s in no position to negotiate.

JUDGE: It’s the 1st. July 10th. You will get everything owed in discovery to him by noon on July 10th. If you don’t, you will not be able to introduce evidence on any subject related to the missing discovery.

OUR LAWYER: Thank you, Your Honor.

THE BOMBER: Suppose something is privileged or I object …

JUDGE: You are in no position to object. Your protective order was denied. Since you can’t testify because of your perjury conviction, you need to carefully consider how you will get anything into evidence at trial. If I were you, I’d give them everything they ask for.

We’ll take a five minute recess, and then I’ll rule on the other motions.

BAILIFF: All rise.

SOUND: (Gavel)

ANNOUNCER: Here in Westminster, we’re having those pleasant summer evenings when it’s nice to sit on the porch and sip a cold drink while listening to the crickets and watching the lightning bugs. I’ve been sipping mine from a Res Judicata travel mug. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle.

And now back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JOHN: The Judge wound up throwing out five of the seven claims in The Bomber’s lawsuit.

A few minutes before noon on the 10th, The Bomber delivered a cardboard box full of paperwork and a set of audio CDs to Our Lawyer. He also provided written answers to our Interrogatories which were generally unresponsive. He did not provide adequate responses to my request for production of documents.

It was pretty clear from the sort of “evidence”—and I use the term loosely—The Bomber provided that he doesn’t understand how to put together a defamation or false light invasion of privacy case. He clearly has no evidence to prove his case.

We’re going back to court next week with additional motions for summary judgment on the remaining claims.

Meanwhile, just today, the Court sanctioned The Bomber because of his diddling around with discovery. He has been ordered to pay legal fees to Our Lawyer for the extra work incurred compelling compliance with discovery.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) It’s been said that truth is strange than fiction because fiction has to make sense—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.”

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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Wow. After hearing this episode, you’d probably expect The Bomber to lose his case when it came to trial.