Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

This episode of Blognet first ran eight years ago today.

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MUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A group of bloggers have been writing about the activities of a paroled domestic terrorist and his associates. He, in turn, had been seen stalking some of those blogger, and photographs related to that stalking have been published on the Internet. Your job … connect the dots.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual crime. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end. From crime to punishment. Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Friday, March 1st. It was clear and unseasonably warm in Westminster. We were working the evening shift out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The boss is Twitter Town Sheriff, W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 7:36 pm when I got back to the office.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across office. Chair pulled out.

SMITH: Did they have Kung Pao Chicken today?

FRIDAY: Uh, huh. Here’s your order.

SMITH: Thanks, Joe. Aren’t you eating?

FRIDAY: I grabbed a sandwich at Chick-fil-A.

SMITH: A call came in while you were out. A couple says they have been stalked by that Timberland character.

FRIDAY: What the connection to our beat?

SMITH: They say pictures that he must have taken have been posted on the Internet. They’re coming in to make a full report … should be here any minute.

FRIDAY: You’d better chow down before they get here.

SMITH: Yeah. Meanwhile, here’s the initial paperwork.

FRIDAY: While Liz grabbed a bit of supper, I looked over the initial report. A couple from Virginia had been at a courthouse in Maryland dealing with a matter related to one of Timberland’s associates. Timberland had shown up at the courthouse and tried to intervene in the matter.

8:23 pm.

SOUND: Door opens.

HUSBAND: Hello. Is this the Internet Detail?

SMITH: Yes. Come in. Please have a seat.

SOUND: Footsteps. Two chairs pulled out.

FRIDAY: Are you the couple who were stalked at the courthouse?


FRIDAY: My name’s Friday. This is my partner, Liz Smith. Take your time and tell us your story.

HUSBAND: We were at the courthouse to deal with a peace order petition against one of Timeberland’s associates.

SMITH: Parvocampus?

HUSBAND: Yes. Timberland showed up and was asking if there was anything he could do to help his “friend.” When the Commissioners found out that he wasn’t a lawyer, they sent him packing.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh.

HUSBAND: When he showed up in the courthouse, I asked my wife to go out and wait in our car.

WIFE: When he came out, he went looking around the parking lot. When he found our car with out of state plates, he came over. Then he went and moved his car to the space just opposite of ours. He parked and then got out his phone. It’s obvious now that he was taking pictures. I got out my phone and took a picture of him. And then I called my husband.

HUSBAND: I asked her to come up to the courthouse. I called security and went outside.

FRIDAY: What happened next.

HUSBAND: Timberland drove off. A short time later, pictures that he must have taken showed up on one of his websites.

SMITH: You say you took his picture. Do you have it on your phone?

WIFE: Yes. Right here.

SMITH: Here’s my card with my email address. Please send it to me.

WIFE: OK. I can do that right now.

HUSBAND: What will you do with that?

FRIDAY: We can’t say for sure, but it may be useful. You say Timberland’s pictures are online. Where?

HUSBAND: On one of his sites. Pass me your laptop, and I’ll type the URL.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard.


FRIDAY: Uh, huh. I see. I’ll download those images.

WIFE: Why?

SMITH: First of all, he might take them down. Second, there may be useful metadata in them.

HUSBAND: Really?

FRIDAY: Who knows what evil lurks …

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: A big part of our job is routine drudgery. We sift through clues, and we occasionally find a nugget among the sand.

Monday, March 18th.

SMITH: Hey, Joe. Check this out.

FRIDAY: Whatcha got?

SMITH: Here’s the metadata from the pictures of that fizzled protest at BlogBash that were posted on the web.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh.

SMITH: Now, here’s the metadata from the pictures Timberland took of that couple at the courthouse a few weeks ago. Do you see it?

FRIDAY: Uh, huh. They were downloaded to the same computer.

SMITH: Not only that, but the same type of camera—an iPhone—took the pictures.

FRIDAY: OK. There’s something else that I saw. Bring up the light table display of the BlogBash pictures. Let’s see … click on that one.

SMITH: Yeah. That’s taken from the interior of a car. So what?

FRIDAY: The car has a kinda odd dashboard layout, doesn’t it?

SMITH: Oh. The instruments are in the center of the dash.

FRIDAY: That’s the dashboard of a Prius.

SMITH: I’ve got it! That picture from the courthouse shows Timberland in a Prius.

FRIDAY: All of which suggests …

SMITH: … that Timberland was outside of BlogBash taking pictures.

FRIDAY: Or that he was the subject of some of the pictures. We can figure out where the photographer was located based on the point of view of the snapshots. That will tell us which surveillance videos to check.

SMITH: I’ll get right on it.

FRIDAY: I’ll brief the boss.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On March 18th, a briefing report was filed. In a moment the results of that report.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a loyal supporter of Team Lickspittle? If you are, you should be showing you support by wearing a Team t-shirt, sweatshirt, or hoodie. They’re just some of the useful trinkets with the Team Lickspittle, Res Judicata, Johnny Atsign, and The Grand Hog logos you’ll find at The Hogewash Store. Why not go by today and spend a bit of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle? All those goodies are available exclusively at The Hogewash Store.

NARRATOR: As a result of the report filed on March 18th, additional avenues of investigation were opened. Some of them have proved productive, and several are still ongoing. Information derived from these investigations has been passed to law enforcement and to attorneys defending bloggers being sued by Timberland.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System. Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

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As the episodes of Blognet unfold over the years, things did not go well for Kimberlin.

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