Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

This is one of the earliest episodes of Blognet. It first appeared eight years ago today.

* * * * *

MUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A group of bloggers have been writing about the activities of a paroled domestic terrorist. He, in turn, has filed criminal charges against the bloggers, accusing them of harassment. Your job … investigate.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual crime. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end. From crime to punishment. Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in foyer.

FRIDAY: It was Monday, August 5th. It was bright and sunny in Montgomery County. We were working an investigation for Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The boss is Twitter Town Sheriff, W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 8:42 am when we got to the District Courthouse in Rockville.

SOUND: Elevator bell. Elevator doors open. Steps entering elevator.

SMITH: The Clerk’s offices are on the second floor.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh.

SOUND: Elevator door closes. Shuffling footsteps. Elevator door closes.

FRIDAY: We’ll get copies of the charging documents from the Clerk. Then we need to go over to the State’s Attorney’s Office to see how they intend to handle this mess.

SOUND: Elevator bell. Elevator door opens.

SMITH: Second floor.

SOUND: Footsteps in hall.

SMITH: This is it

SOUND: Door opens.

COUNTERMAN: Good morning. What can I do for you?

FRIDAY: We need copies of a couple of cases. Here are the numbers.

COUNTERMAN: No problem. That’s what we’re here for.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard.

COUNTERMAN: Umm. Actually, there is a problem.

FRIDAY: How’s that?

COUNTERMAN: We don’t have those files.

FRIDAY: That’s so?

COUNTERMAN: It says that they’ve been pulled by the State’s Attorney.

SMITH: Really? What for?

COUNTERMAN: The system doesn’t have a note explaining why, but nine times out of ten, it means that a case is being nolle prosed.

FRIDAY: Dropping the case, huh?

SMITH: That makes sense. From what we know already, those charges are bogus and were filed to harass the bloggers. A harasser accusing his victims of harassment.

FRIDAY: Yeah. Dropping the charges would be a smart move.

COUNTERMAN: What do you mean?

FRIDAY: Possible civil rights liability. It keeps the State from being an accessory to the harassment.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: While I dealt with a couple of other related matters, Liz made a call to the State’s Attorney’s Office to set up an appointment with the prosecutor handling the file.

SMITH: OK, Joe, I arranged a meeting. The ASA with the case is in court this morning, but he’s due back in the office after lunch. Our appointment’s at 1:15 pm. We’ve got a few hours to kill.

FRIDAY: There’s a cafeteria across the street and around the corner in the County Office Building. I’ve got my wireless hotspot, so we can log in from there. It’s usually almost completely empty. We can work there without bothering anyone.

SOUND: Cafeteria background noise.

FRIDAY: 12:56 pm. We had been working online for the rest of the morning and had just finished lunch.

SMITH: You want me to take your tray too, Joe.

FRIDAY: Thanks.

SOUND: Table being cleared.

SMITH: The foods surprisingly good here.

FRIDAY: Yeah. It’s almost time to leave for the State’s Attorney’s Office. We better start packing up. We can walk through the tunnel to the Circuit Courthouse.

SMITH: OK. Let me log out.

FRIDAY: After a brief walk and another elevator ride we were at the State’s Attorney’s Office. 1:17 pm. We met the Assistant State’s Attorney who had be assigned the cases.

PROSECUTOR: OK, folks, what’s up?

FRIDAY: That’s what we wanted to ask you. What’s up with these harassment charges that have been filed against those bloggers?

PROSECUTOR: That would be the Timberland cases.

SMITH: Right.

PROSECUTOR: They’re still under consideration.

FRIDAY: You’re going to nolle prose them, aren’t you?

PROSECUTOR: I didn’t say that.

FRIDAY: Well, let me rephrase the question. Are you going to treat them any differently from any of the other Applications for Statement of Charges he’s filed?

PROSECUTOR: Probably not.

SMITH: OK. You realize that he’s a convicted perjurer and can’t testify. Do you have any other witnesses?


FRIDAY: That’s not much of a case.

PROSECUTOR: As you said, we’ll treat these cases like the previous ones.

FRIDAY: I’ve only got one more question.


FRIDAY: Why do you even bother with the paperwork?

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On August 15th, a disposition was made with respect to all charges filed against the bloggers. In a moment the result of that disposition.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a loyal supporter of Team Lickspittle? If you are, you should be showing you support by wearing a Team t-shirt, sweatshirt, or hoodie. They’re just some of the useful trinkets with the Team Likespittle, Res Judicata, Johnny Atsign, and The Grand Hog logos you’ll find at The Hogewash Store. Why not go by today and spend a bit of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle? All those goodies are available exclusively at The Hogewash Store.

NARRATOR: On August 15th, an order was entered by the District Court expunging all charges against the bloggers. The charges had been dropped by the State’s Attorney. Expungement means that there is no longer any publicly available record of the charges.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System. Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

* * * * *

Timberland failed.

Leave a Reply