This episode of Blogsmoke first ran five years ago today.
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SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
MINISTER: (Fading up) … and grant that she whose body is buried here may dwell with Christ in paradise, and may come to your heavenly kingdom; through your Son Jesus Christ our Lord.
SOUND: Crowd dispersing into quiet rural background noise. Light wind in trees.
JOHN: Thank you.
MINISTER: You’re welcome. She was my friend. I’ll miss her, but not like you will.
MINISTER: I’ve never been to your family cemetery before. Not many families have one these days.
JOHN: Well, the first one down here filled up a bit over a hundred years ago, so they opened up this one.
MINISTER: It’s certainly a nice spot. How many generations are here?
JOHN: Let’s see. There’re my parents and my father’s parents. Over there is my great grandfather. His mother and father are in the old cemetery, but one of his uncles in right over there. Of course, the really old family plot is up in the Shenandoah Valley. My great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather who came from Scotland in 1680 is buried in the cemetery of a church he gave the land for in the 1720s.
MINISTER: So how are you doing?
JOHN: Hmmm. Things were quick but not unexpected. Numb. Yeah, still a bit numb. And lonely.
MINISTER: Uh, huh.
JOHN: She was …
COUSIN 1: She was wonderful. We all miss her.
COUSIN 1: A group of the cousins are going to get together for supper. Will you join us?
JOHN: Yeah. Sure. The usual place?
COUSIN 2: Yes. Do you want one of us to drive you over?
JOHN: No. Will drove his car. I’ll ride with him.
SOUND: Rural background out.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4
ANNOUNCER: Here in Westminster, we’re having those cool winter evenings when it’s nice to sit by the fire and sip some hot tea. I’ve been sipping mine from my Team Lickspittle tea tumbler. It keeps my tea hot this winter and will keep it cool next summer. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
JOHN: Mrs. Hoge was a wonderful lady. I miss her, and I miss the support she gave me in everthing, including my blogging. Life has been lonely without her. It always seemed that The Grouch, and The Bomber, and their buddies sensed her support for me, and that caused them to engage in vile and insulting attacks against her, attacks that I have only rarely shared publicly. They have continued after her death.
COMMENT 1: BWAHAHAHAHA Corpse bride.
COMMENT 2: Ever do her [redacted]? [redacted]
COMMENT 3: Join your wife, Hoggy. [redacted] Put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. [redacted] Be with her.
COMMENT 4: HAHAHAHA [redacted]’s a corpse. Happy zombie xmas, Hoggy!!! [redacted] roasting on a cremation fire…. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
JOHN: Those are some of the least offensive comments sent to my blog since she died. I suppose they’re a reflection of the desperation the bad guys must be feeling as their lawfare fails.
I also suppose they think they’re hurting me with their repulsive comments. If that’s the case, they’re failing miserably. I firmly believe that because of her faith in Christ Mrs. Hoge’s eternal fate is both blessed and secure. There is nothing that those cyberthugs can do to harm her or affect the loving memories of her. I’ll let the fools rage and condemn themselves.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.”
This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.
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I’ve nothing further to add.