Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for —

SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

DD: (Telephone Filter) Hi, Johnny, it’s Dinah Daley. I’ve gone over that fundraising filing you sent.


DD: (Telephone Filter) I emailed you a copy of my notes, but the quick version is it raises several red flags.

JOHNNY: Such as?

DD: (Telephone Filter) Well, the most obvious are the math errors. Take a look at my email and call me back with any questions.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of the Déjà Vu All Over Again Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS (Synth Voice) @D_Daley Follow the money.

JOHNNY: I looked through Dinah’s email and called her back.

SOUND: Telephone rings twice, caller’s POV

DD: (Telephone Filter) (Fading Up) Hello.

JOHNNY: Dinah, it’s Johnny Atsign. That first point you raise is a real red flag.

DD: (Telephone Filter) Yeah. That state form asks for the organization’s IRS tax exemption number or if one has been applied for. Answering “No” isn’t unheard of, but it’s very rare. It’s usually enough to cause large donors to stay away. Of course, that’s not an impediment to an organization if its fundraising is from small donors who won’t typically do a due diligence investigation.

JOHNNY: So Zones hasn’t applied for 501(c)3 or (c)4 status for her organization?

DD: (Telephone Filter) She says that she hadn’t by the date of that filing which was … let’s see … last August. She may have filed since then, but I can’t find any record of it.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh. The organization’s name identifies it an LLC. I thought the members of tax-exempt charitable LLC were supposed to be other charitable organizations rather than individuals. There doesn’t seem to be anyone else other than Zones connected to the organization.

DD: (Telephone Filter) True, but it’s the math on her fundraising and expense reporting that bothers me the most.

ANNOUNCER: Ah, fundraising. That’s were I come in. This is the commercial to remind you about the Johnny Atsign branded goodies that are exclusively available along with lots of neat stuff at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re both ways you can support the Team. Everything get reported on one of the Boss’ Schedule Cs.

DD: (Telephone Filter) The reported income is $55,000, and the form claims a net balance of $4,000.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh.

DD: (Telephone Filter) Scroll down to the Statement of Functional Expenses.

JOHNNY: OK, page 17.

DD: (Telephone Filter) Column A, Program Services, adds up to $20,000. 5,000 plus 10,000 plus 5,000. Column B, Management and General Services, totals $21,000. 10,000 plus 1,500 plus 1,500 plus 8,000. Column C, Fundraising, totals $1,000. 750 plus 250,

20,000 plus 21,000 plus 1,000 equals 42,000.

The funds on hand are $4,000.

42,000 plus 4,000 is 46,000.

JOHNNY: Which leaves … 55 minus 46 … $9,000 unaccounted for.

DD: (Telephone Filter) It could be a typo …

JOHNNY: Yeah, but there’s something else that doesn’t look right. All these figures are round numbers.

DD: (Telephone Filter) Oh, you noticed that too. Look, the income figure being a round number isn’t necessarily a red flag for a new organization. It might be from a single grant. A round number for one salary might be OK, but round numbers for all the expenses? No. That doesn’t happen in the Real World.

JOHNNY: You’ve been involved with not-for-profit governance for years. What’s the bottom line?

DD: (Telephone Filter) It looks very suspicious. Given Zones’ previous history, I’d advise my clients to be careful.

JOHNNY: Thanks, Dinah. I’ll include your analysis in my report to the client.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (Synth Voice) @TZones Does 2 + 2 = 3 when you need it to?

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about the next intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next? Following more than the money. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be on the lookout for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

3 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. Awwww, but you didn’t keep the remark about $9,000 wandering the ether, unaccounted for and unloved!

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