This episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign first ran seven years ago today.
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SOUND: Skype rings once.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
AARON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, it’s Aaron. The judge ruled against me in the copyright amicus filing.
JOHNNY: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.
AARON: (Telephone Filter) Actually, things turned out OK.
JOHNNY: How so?
AARON: (Telephone Filter) He ruled against The Bomber too.
AARON: (Telephone Filter) He’s got two weeks to tell the judge why the case shouldn’t be dismissed.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Short-Fused Dud Matter.
BOMBERUNMASKED TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @JohnnyAtsign I’m having a good day today.
JOHNNY: The anonymous blogger Bomberunmasked was having a good day. The 120-day window for service of process in the copyright suit filed by The Bomber had run out, and The Bomber had filed a motion to have Bomberunmasked declared served anyway. The judge hadn’t bought it and, instead, had given The Bomber 14 days to show cause why the case shouldn’t be dismissed.
Let’s do a flashback so I can tell you the story.
SOUND: (HARP MUSIC FLASHBACK EFFECT)
AARON: (FADING IN) … So that’s why The Bomber thinks he’s being clever. If he can get the judge to declare Bomberunmasked served, then he can wait for the 21 days allowed for answering the suit to run out. Then he can move for a default judgment.
JOHNNY: But against whom? He still wouldn’t know who he’s sued.
AARON: Yes, but the court might let him be more aggressive enforcing a judgment.
JOHNNY: Oh. So what can Bomberunmasked do?
AARON: Effectively, nothing. He or she or they don’t have a lawyer to file an opposition. If he or she or they try to file pro se, at least one person would be required by the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure to sign the court paper with his or her true name. That would blow the anonymity. That’s why The Bomber thinks he’s got Bomberunmasked over a barrel.
JOHNNY: Doesn’t he?
AARON: Not necessarily. I need you to do some legwork for me.
AARON: (FADING OUT) Over at the Montgomery County Circuit Courthouse …
JOHNNY: That was just the first of several stops I made over the next couple of days digging up certified copies of documents. By the time I was done, it was quite a package.
ANNOUNCER: Just when the snow was almost all gone from the ground outside the studio here in Westminster, winter has brought us one more storm. Still, all of us here at LBS are looking forward to warmer weather when we can wear our Team Lickspittle t-shirts. Check out the selection at The Hogewash Store. You’ll find men and women’s designs featuring the logos of Team Lickspittle, Res Judicata, and The Grand Hog. They’re just some of the trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on, stuff exclusively available at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle.
JOHNNY: There you go, Aaron. Now what?
AARON: These are the backup I need for a motion in the copyright case.
JOHNNY: Hold it. You’re not a party. Has Bomberunmasked hired you?
AARON: No, I don’t represent him or her or them now.
JOHNNY: So what are you up to?
AARON: An amicus filing. I intend to file as a friend of the court to alert the judge of The Bomber’s misbehavior. You caught him doctoring that Ceritified Mail green card. Don’t you think that the judge would want to know?
JOHNNY: Yeah. Sure. After all, what are friends for?
JOHNNT TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Bomberunmasked It’s nice to have a friend, isn’t it.
MUSIC: Theme up and under
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next week? To steal a line from another show: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Join us, won’t you.
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.
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Pro Tip: If you want a judge to see you as credible, don’t get caught filing fraudulent court papers.