This episode of Blogsmoke first ran three years ago today.
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SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
SOUND: Oldies playing on jukebox in background.
SOUND: Group laughter.
JOHN: So, all in all, it was a pretty good week.
BRAIN: I think the timing was significant.
FRIDAY: How’s that?
BRAIN: Remember one of the theories about what was taking the Judge in the pending federal case was that he was waiting for a resolution of the RICO 2 appeal?
PINKY: Yeah, but he ruled the day before the Court of Appeals.
FRIDAY: So he wasn’t waiting for the higher court to affirm his decisions.
SMITH: Well, given The Bomber’s record of losing every case in the Fourth Circuit, having his decision affirmed was a safe bet.
BRAIN: I think the judge was letting The Bomber know that he’s worn out his welcome.
JOHN: Hmmm. You may be on to something, Brain.
JOHN: Look at what’s been happening to his cases in state and federal court. They’re no longer randomly assigned. Everything goes to the same judge in Montgomery County. Everything goes to the same judge at the federal courthouse. That’s the next best thing … no … it may even be better than a vexatious litigant finding.
PINKY: How come?
JOHN: Everything The Bomber files now will go to a judge who is familiar with his nonsense. And in federal court, that judge has dismissed The Bomber’s last two LOLsuits sua sponte. Summonses were never issued. Defendants were never served.
This keeps looking better all the time. Pass the pitcher; I need a refill.
SOUND: Background out.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4
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MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
SOUND: Background back up.
JOHN: (Fading up) … appeal dismissal wasn’t just per curiam. It was pro forma. No opinion. No explanation other than “we looked at the record, and there’s no reversible error.”
SMITH: And that took four years.
JOHN: Four years, four months, and twenty-six days from the time The Bomber filed the original LOLsuit back in October, 2013.
FRIDAY: It’s a safe bet that The Bomber will try to spin it as a moral victory because he dragged the defendant through the process for so long. “The process is the punishment” and all that.
PINKY: The Bunny Boy Unread account on Twitter has already sent a couple of tweets like that.
SMITH: That’s kinda dumb, admitting that the LOLsuit was filed for harassment.
BRAIN: Since when has smart been one of Bunny Boy Unread’s strong suits?
JOHN: It’ll be interesting to see if The Bomber appeals the dismissal of the District Court case. He withdrew his state appeal of the RICO 2 Remnant case. Maybe he’s short on resources? Or maybe he’s beginning to learn his lesson?
BRAIN: I’m not selling my popcorn futures yet.
SOUND: Background out.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.”
This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.
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It’s nice to win.