This episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign help start the New Year four years ago today.
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ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—
SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) Good evening, Mr. Atsign.
DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) I have some more information for you. Meet me at the usual place and time.
SOUND: (Called Party’s POV) Line hung up. Dial tone.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of He Chose Poorly Matter.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @DeepVote Is there a Pulitzer in this?
JOHNNY: At 12:15 am, precisely, the next morning, I drove into the designated parking garage, parked on the second level, and took the stairs up to the fourth level. I began walking to the far end.
SOUND: Footsteps with echo.
JOHNNY: As usual, the voice came from behind me.
DEEP VOTE: Good morning, Mr. Atsign, …
SOUND: Footsteps stop.
JOHNNY: I turned around, and he was standing in the shadows like always.
DEEP VOTE: … I trust you had a Merry Christmas.
JOHNNY: I did. Surely, that’s not what you called me out here for.
DEEP VOTE: No, but in spite the mystery shtick surround these meetings, I try to engage in the usual social pleasantries.
JOHNNY: Well, then I’ll wish you a Happy New Year.
DEEP VOTE: And I wish you one. Now, down to business. The Bomber hasn’t done well this month, has he?
JOHNNY: I suppose not. He’s had all three case thrown out by the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals. The Maryland Court of Special Appeals has bounced his appeal back for rework. One of my clients is going after him for sanctions in the Fourth Circuit. Oh, and his wife was slapped with a discovery sanction. Yeah, December will qualify as a downer month for him.
DEEP VOTE: Let’s stick with the topic of discovery.
JOHNNY: What about it?
DEEP VOTE: Isn’t discovery proceeding in another case?
JOHNNY: It is. I can’t breach my client’s confidentiality, but I can say that The Bomber has been less that fully cooperative.
DEEP VOTE: That’s not surprising, but your client isn’t giving up, is he?
JOHNNY: No. If anything, he’s turning up the heat.
DEEP VOTE: And the pressure.
JOHNNY: Uh, huh.
DEEP VOTE: How do you expect The Bomber to react?
JOHNNY: If he’s true to form, I expect that he’ll do something massively stupid.
DEEP VOTE: Yes, and probably a bit grandiose as a chance to engage in virtue signaling in the hope of getting someone to click a Donate button.
But The Bomber is not the only defendant your client is trying to get discovery from.
JOHNNY: Right. He’s after The Grouch, too.
DEEP VOTE: And how’s that going.
JOHNNY: The Grouch is trying to dodge some interrogatories.
DEEP VOTE: Related to The Bomber.
JOHNNY: You didn’t phrase that as a question.
DEEP VOTE: I didn’t mean it to be one. Look for connections. Good night, Mr. Atsign.
ANNOUNCER: Winter has finally decided to stick around for a while. It’s gonna be one of those cold nights when you want to something warm to drink, say a good cup of coffee in a Johnny Atsign mug. Another good way to fight that chill is a Team Lickspittle blanket wrap. Why not get yours today? Team Lickspittle sweatshirts and hoodies are just some of the trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on, stuff exclusively available at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.
JOHNNY: It was well past 1 am by the time I got back to my place. I figured that I could sleep in just a bit. I set the alarm for 7:30.
SOUND: Cell phone rings four times.
JOHNNY: (Groggy) Johnny Atsign?
RULE 5 GIRL: Good morning, Johnny. Happy New Year!
JOHNNY: Hi! Happy New Year to you.
RULE 5 GIRL: Did you see The Grouch’s big announcement yesterday?
JOHNNY: No. I didn’t check in on him. What’s up?
RULE 5 GIRL: He announced that he’s no longer editor of whatever we’re calling Bunny Boy Unread these days.
JOHNNY: Hmmmm. I wonder?
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch That didn’t last long, did it?
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next time? Doing the Time Warp! Join us, won’t you?
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us on Mondays, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.
This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.
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Some people have filed more than a hundred losing LOLsuit. Some have been fired more than a hundred times. Failure isn’t always guaranteed for some people, but it can be the safe bet in a few cases.