Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


This episode of Blognet first ran six years ago today.

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BlognetTitleCardMUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A noted deranged cyberstalker has been using the copyrighted works of bloggers as part of his campaign of harassment against them. When confronted with legitimate copyright takedown notices, he has responded with false copyright claims that have temporarily disrupted certain websites. Your job … get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Wednesday, July 9th. It was clear and unseasonably cool in Westminster. We were working the overnight watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 6:06 am when I returned to Room S-140. Internet Detail.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room.

SMITH: Hey, Joe, did they have the fresh stuff ready?

SOUND: Bag placed on table. Bag rustles as contents are removed.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh. The the bagels were just coming out of the oven. I had to wait for ‘em to cool.

SOUND: Chair pulled out.

SMITH: (Mouth full.) Mmmm. Pass the cream cheese.

FRIDAY: Here. Did I see the Boss’s car in the parking lot?

SMITH: Yeah. He came in early.

FRIDAY: Hmmm. I wonder what’s …

SOUND: Door opens.

SHERIFF: Joe, Liz, come into my office.

SMITH: Be right there.

SOUND: Chairs pushed back. Footsteps across room.

FRIDAY: What’s up, Sheriff?

SHERIFF: Have you two been following the copyright brouhaha going on between Parvocampus and me?

FRIDAY: Yes, sir.

SMITH: Uh, huh.

SHERIFF: And you remember that he was subject of a peace order concerning me?

SMITH: Sure. We did some of the background work on it. Didn’t it just expire?

FRIDAY: We handled the stakeout at BlogBash.

SHERIFF: That’s right, and that’s why I want you on this.

FRIDAY: On what, sir?

SHERIFF: Take a look at these. He tried to make these comments to my blog last night.

SOUND: Paper shuffling.

SMITH: Has he lost his mind? If this isn’t extortion, it’s a near miss.

FRIDAY: Does he really believe that you’ve tried to claim a copyright on those public domain images?

SHERIFF: Yeah, it’s bullshit. But the way he’s acting out, Parvocampus is likely to put out a metric buttload of this nonsense over the next few days. I want you two to monitor it and build a file.

SMITH: Why? What’s your goal?

SHERIFF: Just because one peace order has expired doesn’t mean a new one can’t be issued.

FRIDAY: Well, at least Parvocampus is trustworthy.

SHERIFF: How’s that?

FRIDAY: It’s seems we can always trust him to screw up.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: The Boss handed us the file. Then he told us to go home at the end of our shift but to keep our eyes open over the next few days.

Monday, July 14th. 11:29 pm.

SMITH: Whoa, Joe, take a look at this..

FRIDAY: Whatcha got?

SMITH: I was going through the Boss’s email traffic. Parvocampus hit him with a DMCA takedown notice.

FRIDAY: On what?

SMITH: The NASA stuff. This email forwarded by his web hosting provider has Parvocampus claiming to be authorized to file the notice as the copyright agent for NASA.

FRIDAY: Heh. I’ve got a contact down at the NASA Inspector General’s Office. He won’t be at work this late at night, but I can catch him early tomorrow morning. Let’s see what he says about this.

Tuesday, July 15th, 7:32 am.

SOUND: Door opens. Steps across room. Chair pulled out.

SHERIFF: Joe, what are you and Liz still doing here? I thought you were on overnight watch.

FRIDAY: I was hanging around to make a follow up phone call to a guy at the NASA OIG. It’s after 7:30. He should be in by now.

SOUND: Phone picked up. Number dialed.

FRIDAY: Good morning. This is Sergeant Friday, Twitter Town Internet Detail. Is Special Agent James available? … Yes, I’ll hold. … Hello, this is Joe Friday. Did you get that email I forwarded to you? … Yes, that’s the one. Do you folks have an interest in the matter? … I see. When did he contact NASA? … Is there anything we can do to assist you? … Yes, I can send that. … Of course, we will leave that to you, and I’ll pass your recommendation along. … No, not a problem. Give me a call if you need more. … Sure thing. … Good bye.

SOUND: Phone hung up.

FRIDAY: Off the record, he thinks you should get another peace order.

SHERIFF: It’s looking more and more like I will.

FRIDAY: We continued to keep track of Parvocampus’s activities.

Wednesday, July 16th, 11:14 pm.

SMITH: Over the past 27 hour, Parvocampus has tried to make 16 comments on the Boss’s blog.

FRIDAY: That makes a couple of dozen blog comments and raft of emails. Those are clear violations of the no-contact demand.

SMITH: And that DMCA nonsense is clearly harassment. It’s time for the Boss to pull the trigger on a new peace order petition.

FRIDAY: Yeah, let’s recommend that he do it in the morning. But it won’t be quick.

SMITH: What do mean?

FRIDAY: Both the District Court judges are still operating on the legal theory advanced by Timbeland’s lawyer last year. They think that Internet harassment can’t trigger a peace order. I’ve got 5 bucks that says the Boss has to appeal to the Circuit Court.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On July 17th, a petition for a peace order was filed in the District Court. The petition was denied, and the denial was appealed to the Circuit Court. A trial de novo was held in the Circuit Court on August 27th. In a moment the results of that trial.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Once a matter reaches final judgment in a court case, the doctrine of res judicata means that future case should consider the matter closed. It should not be retried. There’s lots of nifty Hogewash! Res Judicata stuff available at The Hogewash Store. There are shirts and drinkware and other interesting items. Loyal members of Team Lickkspittle can show their support by shopping today. And did you know that there’s another way to show your support? Feel free to hit the Tip Jar.

NARRATOR: On August 27th, a trial was held on the peace order petition Circuit Court for Carrolly County. Based on the testimony presented, a peace order was issued against Willy Parvocampus.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

* * * * *

The radio comedienne Gracie Allen often said that she was so smart that one of her teachers stayed in her class for five years. The Blognet crew tells me that Parvocampus was so smart that he was the plaintiff in the same defamation LOLsuit seven times.

Meanwhile, on the Interwebz the itstime2020 dot org website’s global popularity rating was stuck at 14,881,717 as of 8:30 pm ET Friday.

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