Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


This episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign first ran five years ago today.

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Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Good afternoon, Johnny. I’ve got some more work for you.

JOHNNY: Good. What’s up?

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Apparently, The Grouch is running around filing false charges again.

JOHNNY: So?

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) You remember that letter that he claims is a forgery?

JOHNNY: Sure.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) We need to verify its authenticity. How can I get it to you?

JOHNNY: I’ll drive down and pick it up first thing tomorrow morning.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of The Unconnected Dots Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @ProBono Eyes aren’t the only things that are dotted.

JOHNNY: The next morning was taken up by a round trip to the lawyer’s office in Montgomery County. With the construction on 27 between Damascus and Germantown, that took an hour-and-a-half each way. The time was worth it. By picking up the evidence myself, I was able to maintain a solid chain of custody. When I got back to my office, I did all the usual things one does during the initial evaluation of a document.

For example, was the signature original made with a pen that deformed the paper or was it copied on with a printer? The paper bore slight but erratic impressions as if made by someone with a shaky hand.

Were the same fonts used for the envelope and the letter? The text of the letter and the address block on the envelope used the same fonts.

It appeared that it was possible that the letter was genuine, but further proof would require some testing that I couldn’t perform.

JOHNNY DMS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Nerd I’ve got another blue light special for you.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a proud member of Team Lickspittle and a fan of Johnny Atsign? You can show you support by wearing Team Lickspittle gear. The Grand Hog, Johnny Atsign, Team Lickspittle, and Res Judicata merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

JOHNNY: I took the letter and envelope over to a guy who does detailed computer forensics for me. He said he’d get back to me after he’d done some tests.

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

NERD: (Telephone Filter) You hit the jackpot, Atsign.

JOHNNY: Really? Tell me about my prize.

NERD: (Telephone Filter) I did the document comparisons you ask for. When you put the letter under a blue light, the printer steganography dots are visible. The letter and the envelope were probably printed on the same printer.

JOHNNY: Probably?

NERD: (Telephone Filter) The envelope doesn’t contain all of the printer serial number data, but what it does matches the letter, and it has a timestamp not far off of the letter’s.

JOHNNY: So how is that a jackpot?

NERD: (Telephone Filter) It isn’t—by itself, but you remember that we’ve got other letters and documents that The Grouch has mailed to people.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh.

NERD: (Telephone Filter) I compared the steganography dots with a letter he sent related to that copyright lawsuit last year. The printer serial numbers match.

JOHNNY: And you’re going to tell me that it was one of the letters he admits to writing.

NERD: (Telephone Filter) (Fading out) Yep. It has to do with one of his settlement offers. There’s also …

JOHNNY TWEETS: @TheGrouch Your dots are now connected.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? Can a Tee be double crossed? Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

his is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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It’s hard to cover your tracks when you don’t know you’re leaving them.

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