Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


There’s an idea that there’s usually not more than six degrees of separation in the connections between two people. It’s often the case that the matters Johnny Atsign has investigated wind up being closely related. That point comes out in this episode from three years ago today.

* * * * *

ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Restaurant background

SOUND: Cellphone rings twice.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny, it’s Paul Candler. How’s it going?

JOHNNY: Well enough. Everything and everyone has been located. I finished my final checks this morning, and I’m grabbing a late breakfast at a nearby Waffle House.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Sounds good.

JOHNNY: Yeah. They serve real southern country ham.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) No, I mean it’s good that you’ve got everything located.

JOHNNY: Yeah. It will make the tracking a lot easier.

SOUND: Restaurant background out.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during the Red-Headed Leak Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Math is hard.

JOHNNY: The Grouch had been moving around over the past couple of years, but he was never able to stay ahead of the process servers. When he made his latest move, he once again failed to provide a change of address to the Clerk of the Court where a lawsuit was going on against him. When he appeared remotely at a hearing, the judge asked him to state his new address, and the address he gave was wrong. Both the street name and street number were false. This deception was first detected when the USPS could not recognize the address given as a valid delivery address.

That prompted [redacted]

[redacted]

ANNOUNCER: When the recording session for this week’s episode breaks up, I’m heading over to the coffee pot and filing up my Johnny Atsign Travel Mug for the drive home. Johnny Atsign Travel Mugs are exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re both ways you can support the Team.

SOUND: Road noise, car interior POV

JOHNNY: The drive back up I-95 was uneventful. I was just south of the Washington Beltway when …

SOUND: Cellphone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, it’s Aaron.

JOHNNY: Hi, Aaron.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) If you’re not to busy, I have a little job for you.

JOHNNY: I’m not too busy at the moment. What’s up?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) I’m working on an appeal, and I need some files dug out of some Maryland courthouses.

JOHNNY: Which one?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Howard County, Montgomery County, and the Court of Special Appeals.

JOHNNY: You’re in luck. I getting ready to head around the Beltway and out I-270. I can swing by Rockville on the way. What am I looking for?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) (Fading out) There are several Montgomery County cases. The first …

SOUND: Road noise out.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Aaron Jackpot!

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? The paperwork’s a bitch, and she had puppies. Join us, won’t you.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

* * * * *

As Johnny once tweeted about The Grouch, “He can run waddle, but he can’t hide.”

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