Here’s a early episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. It first ran six years ago today.
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SOUND: Skype rings once.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Mr. Atsign. I’m the pro bono lawyer representing the defendants in The Bomber’s state lawsuit.
JOHNNY: Hello. Aaron told me you would be calling. Call me Johnny.
PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) OK, Johnny. When can we meet?
JOHNNY: My schedule is pretty open today.
PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Fine. Let’s meet at my office at 3. There are some things that need confirmation.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Short-Fused Dud Matter.
PRO BONO TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @JohnnyAtsign Make sure you record your mileage.
SOUND: Road Noise. Car Interior POV.
JOHNNY: It’s about 50 miles from my place in Westminster down to Rockville in Montgomery Count where their courthouse is. Not surprisingly, the lawyer’s office was not far from the courthouse, a bit more than hour’s drive. As I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed Aaron’s car.
SOUND: Car stops. Engine off. Car door opens and closes.
JOHNNY: Hey, Aaron.
AARON: Hey, Johnny.
JOHNNY: Are you here for the meeting?
AARON: Yes. Do you know where you’re going?
JOHNNY: I’ve got the office number. Let’s see …
AARON: Follow me. I’ve been here before.
SOUND: Footsteps across parking lot.
AARON: Here we are.
SOUND: Door opens and closes.
PRO BONO: Hello, Aaron. And you must be Johnny Atsign.
JOHNNY: That’s right. Pleased to meet you.
PRO BONO: (Fading Out) Good. Take a seat. There’s a lot of work to do. This could take a while. Would either of you like a cup of coffee …
ANNOUNCER: Now that sounds like a good idea! A cup of coffee served in a Johnny Atsign mug. Or perhaps a Res Judicata mug. Both mugs are among the trinkets you’ll find to waste your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle.
JOHNNY: (Fading In) … Whew. This case just seems to keep expanding.
PRO BONO: Yeah. The Bomber keeps trying to find a new angle that might give him some legal traction.
JOHNNY: Yeah, but with each plot twist he seems to dig a deeper hole for himself.
AARON: Which is where you fit in, Johnny. We need you to verify all those details. They’re the fill dirt that will bury him.
JOHNNY: Uh, huh. I see what you meant about keeping track of my mileage. In fact, a couple of these interviews are far enough away that I may want to fly.
PRO BONO: That’s up to you, but we need independent confirmation of these details.
JOHNNY: OK. This is how I make my living. I’ll start making appointments and booking the travel.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @ProBono The weather’s great down here. Did that late March snow materialize up there?
MUSIC: Theme up and under
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next week? Although Deep Throat never said it, he was right: Follow the money. Join us, won’t you?
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.
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Speaking of following the money, one of these day’s I should publish Johnny’s expense account. It’s as action-packed as his Twitter account.