Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Although this episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign was put together in December, 2015, it didn’t have its initial run until four years ago today.

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Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

WILSON: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Mr. Atsign. I’m Al Wilson at the Universal Adjustment Bureau in Hartford, Connecticut.


WILSON: (Telephone Filter) We have an insurance claim we’d like you to investigtate?

JOHNNY: Are you sure you’ve called the right investigator?

WILSON: (Telephone Filter) (Chuckles) We did contact someone else to start, but he referred us to you. Apparently, you know something about a guy who calls himself The Grouch.

JOHNNY: Yeah. I’ve heard of him.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Lakeside Lunacy Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Shouldn’t suits in your size be prohibitably expensive?

JOHNNY: The Grouch has filed another one of his famously defective lawsuits, and this time, one of the defendants had decided to fall back on his … or her … liability insurance carrier to defend the suit. They, in turn, wanted an outside investigation of the facts in order to make the business decision concerning whether to offer a settlement or take the case to trial if necessary.

I got a copy of The Grouch’s complaint and slogged through it, trying to understand exactly what he claimed my client’s client had done. It boiled down to my client’s client having made comments on someone else’s blog, comments that were either demonstrably true or which seemed to be reasonable opinions based on the facts being discussed. In one instance, the allegedly defamatory comment consisted of the word “good” with no context provided as to what allegedly was being approved.

In other words, it was The Grouch’s usual scattered mashup of nonsense. I went back through my case files, gathered some supporting documents, wrote my report, and filed it the next day.

ANNOUNCER: Winter will be over in a few weeks, but we’ll still have some chilly weather during the first part of spring. A Team Lickspittle hoodie could be just the thing to keep you comfortable on one of those not-too-cold day ahead. It’s exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re both ways you can support the Team.

SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

WILSON: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Mr. Atsign. It’s Al Wilson. I wasn’t expecting your report so soon.

JOHNNY: As I told you, I’m very familiar with The Grouch, and a great deal of the nonsense in his lastest complaint relates to earlier matters I’ve investigated.

WILSON: (Telephone Filter) Our Legal Department found your report very useful.

JOHNNY: Good. Do you think they’ll offer a settlement?

WILSON: (Telephone Filter) No. Their position is that it will be cheaper and quicker to fight such an open-and-shut case than it would be to make even a cut-rate settlement offer. You’ve definitely earned your fee on this one.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch What’s it like living in a nunnery when you haven’t got a prayer?

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? I’m not making this up, you know. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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Incompetent is as incompetent does.

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