This episode of Blognet first ran four years ago today.
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MUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.
NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
MUSIC: Up, then under …
NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A cyberstalker has filed suit against a group of bloggers claiming that he is the victim of harassment. Your job … help get the facts.
MUSIC: Up then under …
ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.
MUSIC: Up and out.
SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.
FRIDAY: It was Saturday, December 19th. It was unseasonably warm in Westminster. We were working the weekend day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 6:49 am when I entered Room S-140, Internet Detail.
SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room.
SMITH: Good morning, Joe.
FRIDAY: Hi, Liz.
SOUND: Chair pulled out.
SMITH: Were you able to get your shopping finished last night?
FRIDAY: Uh, huh. I was surprised how light the crowd was. What’s popped up over night?
SMITH: Mmmm. Let’s see. I was just pulling things up.
SOUND: Typing on keyboard. Mouse clicks.
SMITH: Oh, no. Not again.
SMITH: Parvocampus. He’s filed another one of his lawsuits.
FRIDAY: So? He’s moved out of state. He’s not our problem any more. Or has he sued someone here in Maryland?
SMITH: He’s sued … four, five, six named defendants in … let’ see … in Illinois, Tennessee, North Carolina, California … two are in California … and Connecticut.
FRIDAY: Uh, huh. That’s not our beat.
SMITH: And he’s suing 22 John Does, and he has no idea where any of them are.
FRIDAY: Which means that if one is here in Maryland, …
SMITH: Yeah. And check your email. We just got one from the boss. He wants us to get a package together on Parvocampus in case there is a Maryland defendant or one of the other jurisdictions asks for help.
FRIDAY: Well, this fits the spirit of the season, a gift that keeps on giving.
SMITH: How’s that?
FRIDAY: As long as there are guys like this around, we won’t lack for work.
MUSIC: Stinger and under.
FRIDAY: Monday, December 28th. Liz and I rotated back on to the weekday day watch.
SOUND: Telephone rings twice. Receiver picked up.
FRIDAY: Internet Detail, Sergeant Friday … Yes, it is … Could you spell that? … with two zees … Yes, I’ve heard of your firm … Yes, we’ve heard of him. We have quite a file on him … I presume you’re representing someone out there … Uh, huh … Yes … As a matter of fact, one was prepared just in case. My partner can email it, no, wait, it’s too long. We can put it in a dropbox and send you a link … Oh, only a couple of minutes. Let me have your email address, so we can send you that link … Uh, huh … Yes. Got it … No, but I’ll check and include the answer in the email … Sure thing. Call us if you need more help … Yes, that’s right … Goodbye.
SOUND: Receiver hung up.
FRIDAY: Liz, we just got a request for information on Parvocampus.
SMITH: A defendant in the law suit?
FRIDAY: A defendant’s attorney. Here’s his email address. He wants to get as much background as possible before he tries to negotiate with Parvocampus.
SMITH: OK. Let’s see. Oh, I’ve heard of that law firm. How’s the stash of popcorn in the break area?
FRIDAY: Pretty good. The boss stocked up before the holidays.
NARRATOR: On Monday, December 28th, After negotiations with a defendant’s lawyer, Parvocampus filed a notice with the U. S. District Court for the Eastern District of Wisconsin. In a moment, the effect of that notice.
ANNOUNCER: Spring is just around the corner, but it isn’t here yet. It’s still going to be cold for several more weeks. On days like this, I’m glad to have my Team Lickspittle Hoodie as an extra layer of warm clothing. It and other Team Lickspittle items are some of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.
NARRATOR: On Monday, December 28th, After negotiations with a defendant’s lawyer, Parvocampus filed a notice with the U. S. District Court for the Eastern District of Wisconsin. Parvocampus gave notice to the court that he was dismissing his lawsuit against four of the named defendants, three of which were dismissed with prejudice. Dismissal with prejudice precludes bring a lawsuit with the same or related claims in the future.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.
This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.
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This Parvocampus person has got to be fictitious. After all, who would dismiss defendants with prejudice from a LOLsuit and then do the same thing again a few months later?