Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

This episode of Blognet first ran two years ago today.

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NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A notorious anti-First-Amendment activist has sued a blogger for an alleged civil rights violation and subpoenaed information from a second blogger. Although the second blogger responded fully, he is now facing a motion for sanctions. Your job … find get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Thursday, February 11th. It was cold and blustery in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner is Liz Smith. The boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 12:53 pm when Liz and I entered Room S-140. Internet Detail.

SOUND: Door opens and closes. Footsteps across room.

SMITH: I kinda like that new place on Main Street. It might be a good spot for our Friday evening get togethers after work.

FRIDAY: Yeah, it might be.

SOUND: Chairs pulled out. Typing on keyboard. Mouse clicks.

SMITH: Well, well, well …

FRIDAY: What’s up?

SMITH: There’s a new docket item up in PACER in the suit Timberland filed.


SMITH: Hang on. I’m downloading it. It’s a Letter Order from the judge.

FRIDAY: Scroll through it and see if there’s anything that we need to look at.

SMITH: Uh, huh. Let’s see … He’s allowing Timberland to file his motion to sanction the blogger whose response to that subpoena he didn’t like … and he’s ordered Timberland to serve the sealed motion on the blogger.

FRIDAY: That’s going to be a bit of a pain for us.

SMITH: How come?

FRIDAY: We’ll be asked to investigate, but the motion’s sealed. We can’t look at it because we’re not lawyers representing the blogger, so we’ll be working blind on part of the case.

SMITH: Timberland isn’t making this easy for us.

FRIDAY: Yeah, but just because it won’t be easy doesn’t mean it won’t be interesting.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: Monday, February 15th. 09:26 am.

SMITH: Hey, Joe. The blogger dealing with that motion for sanction from Timberland’s just emailed us a copy of the subpoena. He’s also included a copy of the envelope it was mailed in.

FRIDAY: Anything noteworthy?

SMITH: I think so. The return address is Timberland’s, and there’s no cover letter signed by a third party.


SMITH: Yeah. If Timberland sent the subpoena himself, that isn’t valid service, is it?

FRIDAY: Probably not, but we still should keep digging for the facts.

Monday, February 22nd. 3:38 pm.

SMITH: Joe, remember that blogger dealing with the sanctions motion from Timberland?

FRIDAY: Uh, huh.

SMITH: He’s filed his response to Timberland’s motion. It’s up on PACER, and it’s a doozy.

FRIDAY: We’ll it’s up to the judge now.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On July 21st, the United States District Court for the District of Maryland issued a ruling in the Timberland lawsuit. In a moment, the result of that ruling.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Winter’s almost over. With warmer-but-not-hot weather coming, a Hogewash! Res Judicata long-sleeve t-shirt could be just the thing for casual wear. It’s exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re both ways you can support the Team.

NARRATOR: On July 21st, the United States District Court for the District of Maryland issued a ruling in the Timberland lawsuit. The court granted summary judgment to the defendant in the lawsuit, ending the matter. Timberland’s motions for sanctions against the second blogger was not granted.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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This Timberland character really has turned out to be a complete loser.

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