Sometimes life imitates art. Sometimes art is the Real Thing.
This episode of Blogsmoke first ran three years ago today.
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SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
JOHN: Good evening, folks! I’m stepping out of character tonight in order to set the record straight concerning this feature here at Hogewash!.
A few months ago, I published a section of The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin’s examination of me when he called me as a defense witness during the Walker v. Kimberlin, et al. lawsuit. Here that is again.
MR. KIMBERLIN: Do you, on your blog, ah, do you have a character, an Internet sheriff? Blogsmoke?
MR. HOGE: Ah, yes. Um, a website that I believe is associated with you called Breitbart Unmasked, ah, did a satirical piece about me trying to cast me as somebody who was the Internet sheriff and, ah, used the term Blogsmoke, so I in return stated a feature that is a takeoff on the Gunsmoke radio program, uh, that was on in the ‘50s. And yes —
MR. KIMBERLIN: You kind of consider yourself an Internet sheriff.
MR. HOGE: No, I don’t. I consider that a way of poking fun at the people at Breitbart Unmasked by taking their idea and running with it and having a running gag that’s lasted for about two-and-a-half years now.
MR. KIMBERLIN: You also consider yourself a Star Wars hero.
MR. HOGE: (Laughing) Not in the least.
MR. KIMBERLIN: Have you ever posted graphics or photos of yourself as a Star Wars hero?
MR. HOGE: I have, people have sent me graphics of my face to replace, um, who’s the guy who played Obi-wan Kenobi, the older fellow, um, this is what happens when you’re old, um, Alec Guinness, Sir Alec Guinness, with my face instead of Alec Guinness’ as Obi-wan in various cartoons. I think they’re funny, and I’ve posted a few that were sent to me, and other people have picked up on that as well and sort of run with it. It’s, it’s something of a running gag in certain quarters of the Internet.
JOHN: Kimberlin continues to try to peddle his lie about Blogsmoke. Here’s what he included in an affidavit filed in the Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. lawsuit.
AFFIDAVIT: Hoge portrays himself as a moralist and online sheriff who has the right to harass me for years because he believes that I do things of which he disapproves.
JOHN: Of course, I don’t believe that I have the right to harass anyone, but I do have a First Amendment right to make fun of someone who has tried for over three years to use the legal system to silence me.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4
ANNOUNCER: Winter has finally decided to stick around for a while. It’s gonna be one of those cold nights when you want to something warm to drink, say a good cup of coffee in a Johnny Atsign mug. Another good way to fight that chill is a Team Lickspittle blanket wrap. Why not get yours today? Team Lickspittle sweatshirts and hoodies are just some of the trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on, stuff exclusively available at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or buy doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
JOHN: So, how did the Blogsmoke feature get stated?
The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin can thank Matt Osborne for giving me the idea. Bunny Boy wrote a post at
Breitbart Unmasked Bunny Boy Unread on 16 November, 2013 that made reference to me as the Internet Sheriff of Twitter Town.
BUNNY BOY: But like a gunfighter who drinks Redeye for courage, Hoge’s need for a daily outrage fix may become his undoing. At his current rate, Mr. Hoge will have filed thousands of criminal charges against Schmalfeldt by next February’s hearing. The District Attorney and Circuit Court clerk probably do not enjoy this prospect. Will Sheriff Hoge wear out his welcome with the townsfolk and be named a vexatious litigant? Will he get called out for playing fast and loose with the rules of the court? Will he ever confess his feelings about Miss Kitty? To find out, tune in every week for …
JOHN: I responded with a parody of a ’50sBlogsmoke A!1 Gunsmoke radio episode making fun of Team Kimberlin, and the joke got some traction. If Kimberlin doesn’t like the way Bunny Boy’s lame attempt at humor boomeranged, maybe he should fire him.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.”
This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.
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