Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


The episode of Blogsmoke first ran six years ago today.

* * * * *

Blogsmoke

SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

JOHN: The Bomber had threatened a significant demonstration outside of BlogBash, a bloggers’ event held during the Conservative Public Action Conference. His demonstration was something of a bust. It appeared to consist of one photographer heckling people as they were coming and going from BlogBash, but his was not the only camera at the event. It turned out that there was photographic evidence of The Bomber lurking about the vicinity.

That photo evidence could be used to tie The Bomber to the Goodguys Unmasked website and @Goodguysunmask Twitter account that had been used to harass folks on the Internet, including me. However, I didn’t want to use that evidence yet, because The Bomber was still failing to scrub useful data from his posts.

AARON: (FULL MIKE) I don’t know. You risk losing the case without the photographs.

JOHN: The case that my friend Aaron was talking to me about was a peace order filed against The Bomber, and it turned out that his estimation of the risk of not using the photos was correct. The judge was convinced that I was being harassed by the operator of Goodguys Unmasked, but he wasn’t convinced that The Bomber was the person behind that website and Twitter account. The Bomber managed to dodge the peace order.

Of course, I kept an eye on him, and it wasn’t long before he was up to no good. I caught him at it. Actually, I didn’t. A friend did.

SOUND: TELEPHONE RINGS TWICE. HANDSET PICKED UP.

JOHN: Hello?

FRIEND: (FEMALE VOICE. SOUTHERN ACCENT. TELEPHONE FILTER.) Good morning, John. It’s …

JOHN: (CUTS HER OFF) Hey, I know you, and so does my Caller ID. What’s up?

FRIEND: Have you looked at the Maryland Judiciary Case Search site this morning?

JOHN: No.

FRIEND: You should. You’ll see some interesting cases involving The Bomber.

JOHN: Did you say cases?

FRIEND: Yes. Cases. Plural.

JOHN: Thanks for the heads up. I’ll check as soon as I’ve had some coffee.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

JOHN: The cases included mutual protective orders filed between The Bomber and a member of his family, a set of criminal charges filed by The Bomber against a Third Party, and peace order filed against The Bomber by the Third Party. I decided to attend the hearings scheduled for the next day to see what was going on.

I never go anyplace where I suspect The Bomber might be without a witness of my own. In this case, my friend Aaron attended court with me.

AARON: I can’t believe The Bomber really dragged his whole family into court to see that. He really has no sense of decency.

JOHN: Well, we knew that, but, yeah, it’s startling to see someone behave that way.

AARON: Let’s get down to the Clerk’s office and get copies of all the paperwork in the cases. That’ll help us make some sense of things. There was more heat than light in that hearing.

ANNOUNCER: How do you plan to celebrate the New Year? My friends and I will be toasting the New Year with our favorite beverages in Team Lickspittle Drinking Glasses. Like all Team Lickspittle stuff, they’re available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and spend some money. It’s a great way to support Team Lickspittle.

And now back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JOHN: It was a messy family issue, most of which isn’t suitable for a program such as this, but the attempt by The Bomber to drag in the Third Party was only partially successful. It turned out that the criminal charges he filed were bogus—no surprise there—and were quickly dropped, but the Third Party lost his job because of The Bomber’s harassment of his employer, and he eventually had to move to another state to get away from The Bomber continuing attacks.

The family matter was very messy. All I’ll say is that it didn’t turn out well for The Bomber.

Oh, and The Bomber was quite unhappy with all the coverage of his problems.

SOUND: TELEPHONE RINGS TWICE. HANDSET PICKED UP.

JOHN: Hello.

AARON: (TELEPHONE FILTER) John, it’s Aaron.

JOHN: Yes?

AARON: The Bomber has filed harassment charges against you and me.

JOHN: You’re joking?

AARON: (FADING OUT) No. Really. They just turned up in the online database …

JOHN: Sure enough, he had. Of course, the charges were bogus. Not only were they quickly dropped, the County Sheriff was never even given the paperwork to serve on either Aaron or me. But the fun was just beginning.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) The Bomber wasn’t through harassing folks. He was about to up the ante—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

* * * * *

Of course, the Bomber’s plans all fell through in the end. Truth always wins in the long run.

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