This episode of Blognet first appeared three years ago today.
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MUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.
NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
MUSIC: Up, then under …
NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. An notorious anti-First-Amendment activist and serial bomber claims that he has been defamed by an online racketeering enterprise. Your job … get the facts.
MUSIC: Up then under …
ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.
MUSIC: Up and out.
SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.
FRIDAY: It was Monday, March 16th. It was a cloudy late winter day in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 1:16 pm when Liz and I returned to Room S-140, Internet Detail.
SOUND: Door opens and closes. Footsteps across room. Chairs pulled out.
SMITH: This makes two RICO suits that Timberland has going.
FRIDAY: Uh, huh, but this one looks even flakier than the first.
SMITH: Yeah. The claims seem even more fair fetched, but he has alluded to some of them in the previous case.
FRIDAY: OK. Let’s put together a matrix of the claims that are common to the two suits. That’ll identify the other stuff that will need to be investigated separately.
SMITH: I might as well get started.
FRIDAY: It turned out that Timberland’s Complaint was very poorly crafted, a rambling mess that took Liz quite a while to sort out. In the case of several defendants, Timberland had even failed to properly plead the court’s jurisdiction. Meanwhile, Timberland’s first RICO suit was on the skids.
Tuesday, March 17th, 11:27 am.
SMITH: Hey, Joe. PACER is showing that Timberland’s first RICO lawsuit has been dismissed.
FRIDAY: That’s not unexpected. It’s been going on for about a year-and-a-half.
SMITH: The timing’s kinda interesting.
FRIDAY: Uh, huh. He filed that second suit yesterday, and this one gets dismissed today.
Tuesday, April 7th. 3:28 pm.
SMITH: Hey, Joe. Look what just popped up on PACER in that second Timberland case. It’s a motion to dismiss for lack of subject matter jurisdiction.
FRIDAY: Well, that shouldn’t be a surprise.
SMITH: Uh, huh, but it was filed pretty quickly.
FRIDAY: By the one common defendant in both cases. He’s probably ready for the nonsense to end.
FRIDAY: Timberland seemed to be working hard to keep his second RICO suit alive. When it became obvious that he had failed to properly plead his case and that it was likely to be dismissed for failure to state a claim, he tried to use sealed evidence from discovery in the first RICO case. The judge wasn’t going for it.
Thursday, February 4th, 10:38 am.
SMITH: There’s a new order up on PACER in the Timberland RICO suit.
FRIDAY: What now?
SMITH: The judge has ruled that Timberland can’t use discovery from the first RICO case in any amended complaint in current suit. He says if that’s a problem, he needs to withdraw his motion to amend within two weeks.
FRIDAY: Timberland may need to revise his calendar.
SMITH: How’s that?
FRIDAY: He seems to be having real trouble with days that start with T.
NARRATOR: On Tuesday, March 29th, the United States District Court for the District of Maryland, Southern Division, entered an Order in the lawsuit. In a moment, the finding of that order.
ANNOUNCER: Mmmm, coffee. Are you a proud member of Team Lickspittle and a fan of Blognet? Why not sip your coffee from a Hogewash! Murum Aries Attigit Coffee Mug? Murum Aries Attigit, Res Judicata, Team Lickspittle, The Grand Hog, Collateral Estoppel, and Johnny Atsign merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today, spend some money, and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.
NARRATOR: On Tuesday, March 29th, the United States District Court for the District of Maryland, Southern Division, entered an Order in the lawsuit dismissing it with prejudice. On Tuesday, December, 7th, the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals issued an Order affirming the District Court’s Order.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.
This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.
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Blognet episodes are fiction, but they are based on real cases. No one could make this stuff up.