Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Part of the value of good Fiction is that it holds a mirror up to Real Life. This episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign first ran three years ago today.

* * * * *

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

K. GNU: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny. Check your email. I sent you some intriguing pictures.

JOHNNY: Really?

K. GNU: (Telephone Filter) Yeah. I was traveling through the Midwest and stopped to buy some cheese.

JOHNNY: Why would I find cheese intriguing?

K. GNU: Oh, the pictures aren’t of cheese. While I was cheese shopping, I happened to find an interesting old Ford. Take a look at your email.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of It’s Turning Blue Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @KGnu Snap, snap, grin, grin!

JOHNNY: The Grouch has been whining for years about how disabled he is. He’s claimed to be wheelchair bound. He’s said that going out in the cold is life threatening. He claimed he’s so sick that he’s had to give up his driver’s license.

Then he moved from Maryland to Wisconsin where the winters are more severe, and he published a video of his talking an extended walk on a winter day. That got people wondering about what other lies he had been telling about his medical condition.

MUSIC: That harp riff that means the story is taking a time shift.

SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

ZOMBIE: Johnny, it’s Phil Candler.

JOHNNY: Hi, Phil. What’s up?

ZOMBIE: The Grouch has a driver’s license.

JOHNNY: What? Has his Maryland license not expired? Some are good for eight years.

ZOMBIE: No. He has a brand new Wisconsin license.

JOHNNY: How do you know?

ZOMBIE: A little birdie told me.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh, and did this stool pigeon tell you anything else?

ZOMBIE: (Fading out) There’s also a car registered in The Grouch name. And the address is correct. That means …

MUSIC: That harp riff again.

JOHNNY: So when I took a look at the pictures in my email, the first thing I checked was the tag number. Bingo!

ANNOUNCER:  Cool weather is coming. Either a Team Lickspittle hoodie or a The Grand Hog sweatshirt would be a great way to keep warm, and spending money at The Hogewash Store is a great way to support Team Lickspittle. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash. Or do your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re all ways you can support the Team.

JOHNNY: Of course, when The Grouch found that he had been caught in another lie, he began trying to use the situation to “prove” that The Zombie had been stalking him and that a guy from Illinois named Pete Grayson was The Zombie.

THE GROUCH TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) Parking lot surveillance camera got clear image of car w/driver getting pic of the rear of my car. No idea what happens next. IL plates.

JOHNNY: This had the look and smell of one of The Grouch’s hallucinations. I decided to check.

SOUND: (Caller’s POV) Phone rings twice.

K. GNU: Hello?

JOHNNY: It’s Johnny Atsign. Got a minute?

K. GNU: Sure. Whatcha need?

JOHNNY: A bit of information. When you took those pictures of The Grouch’s car, what were you driving?

K. GNU: My pickup.

JOHNNY: Not a rental with Illinois plates?

K. GNU: Nope. My truck with my home state tags.

JOHNNY: Thanks.

SOUND: Receiver hung up.

JOHNNY: So The Grouch is caught in yet another lie.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @KGnu Say no more!

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? AA or AAA? Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

* * * * *

Yes, the guilty flee. Maryland. Wisconsin. Iowa. South Carolina. Texas. South Carolina. New Mexico. South Carolina. Oklahoma. South Carolina. Montana. South Carolina. Iowa. Michigan. Iowa. …

8 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

  1. …aaaand back to Wisconsin!
    WATW 1440 AM in Ashland, to be exact.

    But the most interesting thing is the call letters of one of the sister FM stations…WJJH 96.7.

    • The Spencer Daily Reporter ran an article about their new sports editor on 9 October, and the new sports editor’s byline appeared on some articles the next day—and then his byline disappeared from the paper.

      • He is setting new records for fastest time to be fired. We may need some new rules around the “How long until he’s fired this time” pool we run in the breakroom.

    • Wait a minute , are you implying that the cabin boy would work for a radio station with a line up of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Mark Levin.

      • Just like he did in Oklahoma, where he “resigned effective immediately due to an over abundance of principles”

        BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

        …just as soon as a permanent boss was hired.

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