Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


This episode of Blogsmoke ran four years ago today. It takes a look at the program’s first episode and how it came to be.

* * * * *

JOHN: I’m told that 57F Osborne (aka Bunny Boy, aka Xenophon) has a post up at Breitbart Unmasked that suggests I need a new hobby. Bunny Boy has given me advice in the past, and when I’ve acted on it, things didn’t go as he suspected. For example, back in November, 2013, …

*snort* *giggle*

Xenophon (the Troll) makes a lame attempt at ironic humor over at Breitbart Unmasked with a post (No, I won’t link to it) trying to cast me as the Internet Sheriff of Twitter Town. It has a sort of Blogsmoke theme.

Here’s how we would have done it back when I was working in radio—

*****Blogsmoke

SOUND: HORSE MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Dodge City Twitter Town and in the territory out west of the net—there’s just one way to handle the killers harassers and the spoilers stalkers—and that’s with a U.S. Marshall an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “GUNSMOKE” “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “GUNSMOKE” “BLOGSMOKE” starring William Conrad W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the violence trolling that moved west with young America into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved with against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

MATT JOHN: I’m that man, Matt Dillon, United States Marshall John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

SOUND: HOUSEHOLD BACKGROUND NOISE—PHONE RINGS OFF MIKE

WILL: (OFF MIKE) Dad! Telephone.

JOHN: I’ll get it in here.

SOUND: PHONE PICKED UP

JOHN: Hello?

LEE: (FILTERED) John, It’s Lee.

JOHN: Hey, Lee.

LEE: (FILTERED) I’m flying into BWI tomorrow evening to file charges against the Grouch. Can you give me a ride from the airport to the courthouse.

JOHN: Sure. When do you get in?

LEE: (FILTERED) Just after six.

JOHN: That works. BWI is on my way home from work. There’s a great place for crab cakes between the airport and where the District Court Commissioner’s night office is located. We’ll grab dinner on the way. Send me an email with the flight info.

LEE: (FILTERED) Thanks, John.

SOUND: PHONE HANGS UP—HOUSEHOLD BACKGROUND FADES

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

SOUND: CAR ROLLING TO A STOP

PARKING GIRL: Three Dollars.

JOHN: Here you go.

PARKING GIRL: Need a receipt?

JOHN: No thanks.

SOUND: CAR ACCELERATES—ROAD NOISE SUSTAINS IN BACKGROUND

JOHN: So how do your wife and kids feel about this?

LEE: They’re tired of it. After a while, it became obvious that he wasn’t going to stop.

JOHN: Yeah.

LEE: I can put up with a lot, but when he suggested that my wife be raped while I was away covering the convention …

JOHN: Uh, huh.

LEE: As if that weren’t enough … going on and on about the child we lost in childbirth … And saying that I was pimping my wife and daughter.

JOHN: Yeah. He’s scum. By the way, you see that trailer park on the right.

LEE: Yes.

JOHN: He’s in Number 71.

SOUND: ROAD NOISE FADES

ANNOUNCER: There’s a nip in the air these days as autumn moves toward winter. One good way to fight the chill is a Team Lickspittle sweatshirt or hoodie. Why not get yours today? Team Lickspittle sweatshirts and hoodies are just some of the trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on, stuff exclusively available at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle.

And now, back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

COMMISSIONER: Raise your right hand. Do you solemnly swear or affirm under penalty of perjury that statements contained herein are true to the best of your knowledge and belief.

LEE: I do.

COMMISSIONER: Sign and date all the pages please.

LEE: OK.

SOUND: PEN SCRATCHING

LEE: There.

COMMISSIONER: Thank you.

SOUND: FORMS BEING SEPARATED—STAPLER

COMMISSIONER: Here are your copies. Have a good evening.

LEE: Thanks. Good night.

JOHN: Well, that’s that. Let’s go.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES—FOOTSTEPS ACROSS PARKING LOT—TWO CAR DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE—CAR STARTS INTERIOR POV

JOHN: You can crash on our couch tonight.

LEE: Thanks, John.

JOHN: No problem. We’ll see how Howard County deals with this.

SOUND: CAR ACCELERATES AND ROAD NOISE FADES

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) You know, cyberstalkers like the Grouch do real harm. Over the next week, he began to expand his attacks on bloggers—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

*****

Amateurs. Pfft.

Stay tuned for Episode 2.

JOHN: Of course, there have been a lot more than just two episodes of “Blogsmoke,” and it has been followed by “Blognet” and “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.” But that’s the way it is with a bunch like Team Kimberlin. What they think are clever ideas often become memes that turn against them.

And now, a word from our sponsor.

ANNOUNCER: Here in real world of Westminster, we’re having one of those pleasant summer evenings when it’s nice to sit on the porch and sip a cold drink while listening to crickets and watching the lightning bugs. I’ve been sipping mine from a Murum Aries Attigit travel mug. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or buy doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as Bunny Boy and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

* * * * *

One of the old time radio parodies suggested for making fun of Team Kimberlin was a take off on The Shadow (“Who knows what weasels lurk in Team Kimberlin …”), but I settled on Blogsmoke; Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign; and Blognet instead.

1 thought on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s