Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


This episode of Blogsmoke first ran two years ago today.

* * * * *

SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

SOUND: Coins dropped into a vending machine. Button pressed. Drink delivered.

PINKY: Howdy, Sheriff. What’s up? Grab a chair.

JOHN: Just taking a break.

SOUND: Soda can top popped. Chair pulled out.

JOHN: It’s been a busy week.

PINKY: Yeah. You’ve got a couple of active cases.

JOHN: Oh, I’ve got more going on than that.

PINKY: What’s cooking beside lawsuit here in Westminster and The Grouch’s LOLsuit?

JOHN: Well, there are a couple of appeals related to The Bomber. One directly involves me as a appellee, and I’m providing support for the other case as well. The Bomber just lost the last bit of his original RICO LOLsuit, so I’m gearing up for an expected appeal on that case. And then there are the open investigations.

PINKY: Open investigations?

JOHN: Yeah. They’ve got an international angle. There’s [redacted]. So far we’ve been getting excellent cooperation.

SOUND: Door opens and closes. Footsteps.

JOHN: There hasn’t been any real language barrier because everyone is fluent in English.

BRAIN: Am I the only one who makes coffee around here?

PINKY: Hey, don’t look at us. We’re both drinking sodas. Someone else emptied the pot.

JOHN: Look at it like this, Brain. Your cup will be fresh.

SOUND: Cupboard door opened. Objects pushed around on a shelf.

BRAIN: It looks like we’re out of Blue Mountain again, but we still have some Kona.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

ANNOUNCER: Mmmm. Coffee. I like mine strong, and I usually drink it from either a Res Judicata or a Murum Aries Attigit mug. Both are available exclusive at The Hogewash Store. Stop by and spend some money on the mugs and t-shirts and other trinkets you’ll find there. It’s a great way to support Team Lickspittle. Or you can do your Amazon shopping through the link on the Home page. Or hit the Tip Jar.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

BRAIN: (Fading up) … so do you think they’ll all show up? Or will they default?

JOHN: At this point, it doesn’t make any difference. I have to be prepared for any or all of them being there.

BRAIN: But shouldn’t it really be three separate cases: one for defamation, one for malicious prosecution, and one for the copyright issue?

JOHN: You’d think so, but Maryland’s res judicata case law requires that you sue a party for every possible claim in one lawsuit. In this case, some of the parties’ tortious behaviors overlap in odd ways. The result is this rather cumbersome suit.

PINKY: What’s left for trial preparation?

JOHN: Mostly continuing to go over the evidence and refining my organization of the facts I need to present.

SOUND: Door opens and closes. Footsteps.

JOHN: Hi, Liz.

SMITH: Hi. Mmmmm that coffee smells good. Is it fresh?

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

* * * * *

Someone once promised LOLsuits for the rest of their lives. Fine. That’s just more grist for the mill.

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