Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Some people are more careful with the details of their paperwork than are others. This episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign first ran three years ago today.

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Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once. Telephone receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Hi, Johnny. It’s Aaron. Have you seen The Bomber’s latest federal suit?

JOHNNY: The one where he’s suing those senators?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Yeah.

JOHNNY: I haven’t looked at it closely.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Take a good look at the first paragraph.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of the Sine Nominee Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Aaron It’s déjà vu all over again.

JOHNNY: I took a look at the complaint Aaron called about, and there it was right on the first page. The Bomber was claiming that his day job involved suing people to seek redress for violations of his personal civil and statutory rights. That admission provided an explanation of something that had turned up a couple of years ago.

SOUND: That harp music riff that means we’re about to hear a flashback.

JOHNNY: An anti-First-Amendment activist called The Bomber had filed suit against a small group of bloggers in a Maryland state court. He claimed that they had conspired to stalk, harass, and defame him by writing truth things about his past and present activities. When that didn’t sufficiently intimidate them, The Bomber sued them along with almost 20 other bloggers and media organizations in a federal court, this time claiming that the larger group was a racketeering enterprise set up to harass and defame him.

Some of the bloggers he sued are anonymous. The Bomber didn’t know who he was really suing, and, therefore, he didn’t know who to serve with the various court papers.

He’s tried various methods of identifying those bloggers. In the case of the blogger known as Top Gun, he has been singularly unsuccessful. But that’s not from lack of trying.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard. Mouse clicks.

JOHNNY: My caller’s DM contained a link to the case number of The Bomber’s federal RICO suit, but with a twist. The suit had been filed in the District of Maryland, but the link led to the Eastern District of Virginia. Sure enough, the case was docketed there too.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard. Mouse clicks.

JOHNNY: Well, well, well … It seems that he’s gone fishing in a new pond. This is worth sharing.

SOUND: Telephone handset picked up. Number dialed. Phone ringing (Caller’s POV).

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Pro Bono.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign here, Counsellor. I’ve got something to show you online. Can you login to PACER?

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Actually, I’m logged in now. What’s up?

JOHNNY: I know you’re only handling the state case, but you want to take a look at The Bomber’s RICO suit.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) I do that from time to time. Has he filed something new?

JOHNNY: Yeah, but you need to look in the Eastern District of Virginia for it.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Really? Let’s see … Yeah, there is something there … Uh, huh … He’s filed subpoena request to try to get information about Top Gun. That’s interesting, but Top Gun isn’t one of my clients.

JOHNNY: I know, but look at attachment 2.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Wow! I don’t believe that.

JOHNNY: Yeah. He’s screwed up big time. That receipt for the filing fee shows that it was paid by a check drawn on the account of the not-for-profit he works for.

ANNOUNCER: I guess I have to read the old commercial since I’m in this flashback. It’s for the wrong season, but here goes: Here in Westminster, we’re having those pleasant summer evenings when it’s nice to sit on the porch and sip a cold drink while listening to crickets and watching the lightning bugs. I’ve been sipping mine from a Res Judicata travel mug. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or buy doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny, we finally got discovery from The Bomber.

JOHNNY: How incomplete is it?

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) It’s pretty spotty. He really doesn’t seem to understand the rules of evidence and what it takes to prove something in court. But I called you to let you know that he did give us an answer to that document request you suggested.

JOHNNY: Evasive, huh.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Uh, huh. The same sort of off-topic answer he gives when he’s pinned down in court. We asked him to provide copies of any payment records from his not-for-profits that covered any expenses in any lawsuit against one of my clients. He responded that there was no such payment in the state suit.

JOHNNY: Technically true—the payment was in the federal case—but still a lie by half-truth.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheBomber, quid est veritas?

SOUND: That harp riff again as we return to the present.

JOHNNY: I think things may have just become a bit more complicated.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Aaron Sine Nominee is misspelled. It’s a bilingual pun.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? Tick, tock. Join us, won’t you.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

* * * * *

It’s amazing how Reality sometimes seems to mimic Fiction.

6 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

  1. I think Johnny needs to brush up on his Latin. As I recall the rules of Latin grammar, the verb is always the last word, so it should be “Quod veritas est?”

    It might be different if it’s a question, but I don’t think so.

    • The word order in Latin usually places the verb at the end of a phrase or sentence, but there is no rule requiring that order. “Quid est veritas?” is a quote from John 18:38 in the Vulgate, a 4th-century Latin translation of the Bible which was adopted as the official version of the Catholic Church in the 16th-century until being replaced by the Nova Vulgata in 1979.

      dicit ei Pilatus quid est veritas

  2. My Latin lessons were (mumble) decades ago, and not in a Church context, so I’ll defer to you here.

      • Mine were only 45 years ago but one thing I remember is that because Latin is declined (or conjugated for verbs) and has genders, the word order really doesn’t matter. You can tell what belongs where by the endings.
        And in backup of John, I’d like to offer Julius Caesar and a sentence every Latin student should know: “Gallia est omnis divisa in partes tres”

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