10 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

  1. ‘Kimberlin Files’ On Track for Fall 2019 Theater Release

    By Rebecca Dotso (rdotso@varietydotcom)

    Paramount Pictures, teaming with Bad Robot, announced today that their long awaited ’Kimberlin Files’ project is currently scheduled for a Fall 2019 release. Perhaps even sooner if post production permits. The Oscar buzz is already building for this one!

    ‘Kimberlin Files’ , the subject of growing entertainment industry obsession, is a psychological thriller pitting a professional astro engineer single-handedly against a convicted amateur-lawyer felon and his loose association of incompetent associates. The twist is that the engineer outlawyers the felon who has filed more than 100 lawsuits. Hollywood insiders indicate the courtroom scenes will be even more gripping than the ones pitting Tom Cruise against Jack Nicholson.

    Steven Soderbergh is directing the $50 million dollar epic which stars Tom Hanks as John Hoge, The Engineer. Mr. Soderbergh explained, “I was drawn to this project because because it touches on so many cultural inflection points. There’s free speech issues, flagrant abuse of our legal system, flat out lying, judicial incompetence, mail fraud and a #metoo angle which is going to surprise you. Not to mention tax issues associated with laundering money through non-profits. Campaign finance violations? Hidden assets? Well, I don’t want to give EVERYTHING away.”

    Mr. Soderbergh continued, “I was especially pleased we were able to lure Gollum out of retirement to play Brett Kimberlin, our pro se antagonist.”

    “In addition to the two main characters, our supporting cast is simply incredible. There hasn’t been this many stars in a single movie since ‘The Dirty Dozen.’

    Other stars participating in ‘Kimberlin Files’ includes:

    George Clooney as Paul Krendler

    Harrison Ford as Lord Dewclaw

    Chris Pine as Cousin Roy

    Antonio Banderas as Sonoran Conservative

    Gal Gadot as Agiledog

    That Little Cockroach as Vigilans Vindex

    Kate Blanchett as Dianna

    Tucker Carlson as ‘w’

    And multiple others-

    Mr. Soderbergh further noted, “Casting Brett Kimberlins crew of incompetents was particularly difficult but I’m pleased we were able to get some big names aboard for them too. We digitized Chris Farley for the Bill Schmalfeldt role. It’s all CGI but we DID call in experts to coach on dumf*#kery and how best to fake illnesses. This was important because it allowed us to increase the cinematic sweep of our film by showing the poignancy of cross-country Greyhound bus travel and the pathos of a lifetime of failure culminating in being thrown out of multiple small-town radio markets. And, oh yeah- We did have to add a fatsuit to our Farley animation but the expense was worth it to portray Schmalfeldt.”

    Supporting characters include:

    Rachel Maddow as Neal Rauhauser

    Vladimir Putin as Vladimir Putin

    Jussie Smollet as Matt Osborne

    Val Kilmer as Macintosh

    Rosie O’Donnel as Pinkie Pie

    Bernie Sanders as William Ferguson

    William Shatner as The Judge

    Tom Hanks, reached for comment, said, “Portraying the real John Hoge, as a character, required being able to convey a steely sense of purpose while demonstrating amazing intellect along with attention to detail. This one has been a tough role but a rewarding one for me. The Team Kimberlin crew could not have walked into a more capable adversary if they had deliberately tried. This makes for what is going to be great entertainment.”

    Screenplay by Aaron Worthing and Luke Skywalker. The Popehat Contiuum contributed technical advice. Special effects by Industrial Light and Magic. This film was made possible by grants and tax considerations paid for by citizens of The People’s Republic of Maryland.

    Filming for ‘Kimberlin Files’ wrapped last December. Final editing and other post production is nearing completion. The movie is scheduled to appear nationwide this fall. Unconfirmed reports indicate that Disney Studios moved the release date of the final Avengers movie ahead to this summer so as not to conflict.

    PS- This is a work of satire and fiction. Don’t sue me, Brett.

    PPS- Now is the time to drop a couple of ducats to John; his address is buried somewhere on this blog and also shows in the court transcripts. John has costs coming up (in addition to the incredible amount of time and effort he’s expended). I myself have contributed recently. Amazon orders through Hogewash help also.

    Apologies to any and all I’ve left out. Space constraints plus that I had to throw this one together quickly-

      • Ummm. Oops. Damn. Honestly- I was thinking of our Zombie Mistress.

        Sorry man. My bad. It was late. I was rushed. There MIGHT have been a beverage. Or two. But no ravens (talking outside my window).


        • No problem, sir! Besides, she is a good looking representative of our species, and she honorably served in her country’s military. There are a LOT worse people to be portrayed by. And the whole piece was brilliant.

      • Having just had my brechtfast, it reminds me that you may be waiting a while…

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