Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Brett Kimberlin is a loser. He’s failed at just about everything he’s tried. Dealing LSD got him convicted of perjury when he was still a teenager but old enough to be an adult. His grandiose dope smuggling schemes resulted in his getting caught trying to bring in over 5 tons of weed. He’s been released from supervisor on his parole, but his sentence for the Speedway bombings still has over ten years left to run. His pro se legal career has been an abject failure, and the attempts by the incompetent writers and editors at his PR blog Breitbart Unmasked Bunny Billy Boy Unread to find something … anything … favorable to say about his LOLsuits inspired mockery and parody fiction here at Hogewash! and another blogs.

Speaking of parody fiction, I recycled this episode of BLOGSMOKE four years ago today, and I think it’s worth another run.

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While I was reviewing paperwork for a couple of the bits of lawfare Team Bomber is waging, I noticed a certain synchronicity between the cases of The Bomber and The Grouch. That brought this episode from a year ago to mind …

BlogsmokeSOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

JUDGE: Look, you’re seeing the nice side of me. It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and I don’t want to change. OK? I’ll give you 14 more days on your list of experts. That’s until the 16th. I’ll give until a week from Friday to get your answers to the defendant’s motions filed. That means signed copies to their counsels by 4 pm on the 6th and to the Clerk before 6 pm.

JOHN: That’s what the judge told The Bomber during a scheduling hearing for the lawsuit he filed against a group of bloggers, including me, in a state court. He had also filed a federal lawsuit alleging that a Major Publisher, a Big Media Personality, and I had formed a racketeering conspiracy along with 19 other bloggers and media entities to defame him. It was RICO Madness.

In mid October, The Bomber had sent me a notice of my right to waive formal service of process in the RICO Madness and to file my response within 60 days.

SOUND: PHONE RINGING, CALLER’S POV.

AARON: (TELEPHONE FILTER) Hello.

JOHN: Hey, Aaron. It’s John. Didja get any interesting mail today?

AARON: (TELEPHONE FILTER) As a matter of fact …

JOHN: What do you intend to do?

AARON: (TELEPHONE FILTER) Well, we’ve got until mid December. I assume your waiver is dated the same day as mine.

JOHN: The 19th.

AARON: (TELEPHONE FILTER) Uh, huh. That means we don’t have to file with the court until … what? … the 18th of December. You can wait and see how things play out before you respond. That’s what I’ll do, but I’m sure I’ll file a motion to dismiss.

JOHN: Yeah, I’ve got other fish to fry right now.

AARON: (TELEPHONE FILTER) That’s right. The Grouch’s appeal of the peace order is still pending.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

JOHN: The Grouch’s appeal of the peace order wasn’t pending much longer though. That afternoon the Court of Appeals denied his petition for a writ of certiorari, and that case was over. Or so I thought. I’ve already outline how he went of the rails. The result was a extension of the peace order for another six months.

The hearing for that extension was in early December, so, while I was preparing for it, I was also drafting my response the The Bomber’s RICO Madness. The first couple of weeks in December were really busy.

SOUND: PHONE RINGING, CALLER’S POV.

AARON: (TELEPHONE FILTER) Hello.

JOHN: Hey, Aaron. It’s John. I’ve mailed it. You should get your copy tomorrow.

AARON: OK, let’s see. The court will give him 17 days from when it’s entered on the docket. That means his response will be due sometime between Christmas and New Year’s Eve.

JOHN: Yep, just after his stuff is due in the state case.

THE BRAIN: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?

PINKY: I think so, Brain … say, have you noticed that the Boss has Team Lickspittle mouse pads for sale at The Hogewash Store?

ANNOUNCER: That’s right, Pinky. A mouse pad is just some of the junk that a loyal supporter of Team Lickspittle can spend his money on—exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle. Or the Tip Jar. Either way, we’re thankful for your support.

And now back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JOHN: Everybody parties on my birthday. I was born on New Year’s Eve. This birthday was a bit mixed for me. On the downside, The Bomber had blown off a timely response to my motion to dismiss in the RICO Madness, and the judge had given him more time to get his response to my motion and the motions to dismiss from the three other defendants who had filed.

On the upside, The Bomber had filed bogus certificates of service with his RICO filings, and we had caught him at it. And made the judge aware of it. As a result, the judge took the unusual step of ordering The Bomber to report the status of service of process in the lawsuit.

The Bomber was clearly being stretched thin by all the work he had created for himself suing so many defendants in two separate lawsuits. It was beginning to show in the kinds of mistakes he was making, especially in his state paperwork.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) The Bomber’s two lawsuit will continue to become intertwined—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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The Gentle Reader should not require any assistance writing an appropriate “got in over his head” joke.

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