ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for —
SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Hi, Johnny. It’s Bob Bailey.
JOHNNY: Hi! I haven’t heard from you for a while,
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Yeah, but no one’s heard much from you for a couple of months. What’s up these days?
JOHNNY: Quite a bit, actually. But not stuff that’s cleared for broadcast yet.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Yeah. I know how that goes.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of the Not Ripe Yet Matters.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @CounselorOne Things are even more tangled that you thought.
JOHNNY: I’ve been spending most of my time on two matters, one of which isn’t really a case just yet. The real case involves another shutuppery LOLsuit. I’m working for the lawyer for several defendants who are being sued for defamation because they said admittedly truthful things about a rather special snowflake and for having uttered wrongthink conclusions about the significance of the facts they wrote about. One of the mistakes that some plaintiffs make when filing such LOLsuits is forgetting that an aggressive defense will often discover interesting background information about them.
That sort of investigation is becoming a bit of a specialty for me.
The not-even-half-baked case originally was an investigation in preparation for an expected LOLsuit. It’s evolved into a broader matter that is almost ready to go into the oven. The preheat cycle is nearly complete.
Those cases have taken the bulk of my time recently and greatly augmented my frequent flyer accounts. This isn’t the first time I’ve investigated the main subject of the second matter. In fact, he’s filed so many suits that have resulted in work for me, that I sometimes wonder if I should pay him a finder’s fee.
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JOHNNY: Which brings us back to that call from Bob Bailey.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) (Fading up) … so it sounds like you’re staying busy.
JOHNNY: Pretty much, but it hasn’t been all work and no play. Nile perch can put up quite a fight.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Uh, huh. You’re always ready to go fishing.
JOHNNY: I try to keep things in balance.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) But why Africa?
JOHNNY: It was a career stop for one of the parties. Some of interesting connections developed there.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Financial?
JOHNNY: Ultimately. People use money as a tool, so following the money is good investigative method.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Has that been useful in the other case?
JOHNNY: Somewhat, but not as useful as following the another trail.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Paperwork?
JOHNNY: Not exactly, but some people can’t seem to remember that the Internet is forever.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) So you have had a busy summer.
JOHNNY: And a busy fall ahead. But there’s not going to be much that I can share for a while, so Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign won’t be running very often.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Well, I’m glad I called to check in with you. Sounds like a productive summer, even if you can’t tell the stories yet.
JOHNNY: Uh, huh. As Friday would say, “That’s about the size of it.” Thanks for calling. I’ll see ya’ later.
BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Yeah. See ya’ later.
JOHNNY: Goodbye, Bob.
JOHNNY TWEETS: @[redacted] Their case isn’t fiction. Fiction is supposed to make sense.
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about the next intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next week? Probably not, but watch this site for more when we can share it. Join us, won’t you.
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Check this URL for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.