Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


Four years ago, I began occasional posts from The Dread Pirate’s Dictionary after a reader’s request.

* * * * *

TDPKTDPK is an abbreviation originally for The Dread Pirate Kimberlin. That name came into use when Brett Kimberlin put up a pirate-themed Bloggers Offense Fund website in a lame attempt to parody the Bloggers Defense Fund site that was raising support for Aaron Walker. Since Kimberlin has begun suing folks, it also stands for The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin. Kimberlin is representing himself in the lawsuits. The legal Latin for self-represented status is pro se. Note: During the brief period when Kimberlin had an unconstitutional gag order in place against Aaron Walker, he was referred to as Lord Voldemort (“He who must not be named under penalty of court order”).

Team Kimberlin is the loose association of cyberthugs who are engaged in the support of TDPK and his interests online. Note: During the interval when Kimberlin was referred to as Lord Voldemort, his associates were called “Death Eater Wannabes.”

CBBS is an abbreviation for Cabin Boy Bill Schmalfeldt. The Cabin Boy™ is the noisiest and possibly the most noisome member of Team Kimberlin. In the past, he served as the Team’s PR flack. He is noted for his use of threats, online harassment, and faildoxing when engaging in his own special brand of inept “journalism.” Recently, he made an abortive attempt to get into lawfare like TDPK, earning himself the additional designation as TDPS, The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt™.

Lawfare is the use of meritless civil lawsuits filed on the cheap by a pro se litigant to inflict the cost of defending the suits on the victims/defendants.

team_kimberlin_briefUPDATE—Acme Law is the presumed legal brain trust behind Team Kimberlin’s lawfare efforts and the source of Team Kimberlin’s legal briefs. It is reputed to be the legal department of the famous Acme Company that supplies Wile E. Coyote.

* * * * *

I’ll add that back in 2012 when Kimberlin was first referred to as “The Dread Pirate,” I noted that an important difference between him and The Dread Pirate Roberts was that Roberts’ reputation for effectiveness and ruthlessness were earned. Over the years, Kimberlin’s failures have resulted in him being downgraded from Dread to Deadbeat.

11 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

  1. “Big Bear, I’m tired. If you don’t mind I’m going to knock off. See you tomorrow, OK?”

    “No problemo, Sweetie Pie. I’m going to stay up a little longer. I’ll be quiet when I roll in to bed in just a bit.”

    “Love you.”

    “Love you!”

    Di likes to go to bed a bit earlier. I’ve had to change my former late night habits of 1AM checking to see what the asshole minions of Hoggy are saying about me. I knock off earlier now. It isn’t easy knowing that all kinds of butthurt are being sown at different times because of timezones and the fact that other people apparently have lives. I wonder what it’s like to have a life not consumed by politics, butthurt and self-aggrandization. Additionally. Sweetie Pie doesn’t like getting up early so I know I’ll have to lie quietly seething at 5AM when I COULD BE checking hogewash. But I do it. This is true love we’re talking about. Glance sideways… That bottle of JWR has only 1 finger left in it. Should just finish it off. Get rid of the bottle. But I’ll just do half. There’s more where that one came from. I’ll have just one more.

    Here I am at 10PM running my last set of checks. hogewash, yeah yeah- TMZ. Hate that guy. SC. Oh am I coming for YOU! Just gotta’ figure out how to do it. BillySez, nothing new tonight. And a good thing, too, else I’d have to eviscerate her with a devastatingly clever retort. Well. At least in my own mind. Glance sideways… That bottle of JWR has only 2 fingers left in it. Should just finish it off. Get rid of the bottle. But I’ll just do half. There’s more where that one came from. Just one more.

    Thunder sounds. Well it is The South. Frack I hate being around all these mouth-breathers. But the Waffle House IS a good value. Gotta’ stretch the money, you know- Speaking of thunder… I listen to hear if it’s followed by doooooooommmmm whispered on the wind Not. Damn That’s strange.

    DailyKos. Right on my brothers! Any new Rachel Maddow clips? Nope. I should check youtube for anything notable coming out of todays The View. Glance sideways. Two and half, call it three (tops) left in the JWR bottle. Should just finish it off. But I’ll just do half. Get rid of the bottle. There’s more where that one came from. Just one more.

    Stormfront. Gotta’ keep a eye on the frickin’ Alt-Right. Breitbartunmasked. Jeez’ why isn’t Brett doing more with this thing? That bottle of JWR has only 4 fingers left in it. Should just finish it off. Get rid of the bottle. There’s more where that one came from. Just one more. Goddamned bird lands right outside my window and perches. “Nevermore” it croaks. I throw a wad of non-winning lottery tickets at it. The bird looks at me askance. I don’t appreciate being looked at that way.

    Glance sideways. Nothing left in the JWR bottle. Should just finish it off. Get rid of the bottle. But I’ll just do half. Just one more. Ummm… Damn. Time to go to bed. Sleep. Perchance to dream.

    My iPhone goes off.

    “Yeah? Hello?”

    “Comrade Schmalfeldt! This is District Commandant Kimberlin calling. WHERE ARE YOUR REPORTS? Are you not Block Captain? Do you not believe in our glorious cause? Talk to me, Comrade!?”

    “Uh, Brett- What. Ummm… What reports? And why are you calling me so early? Unless you have insights on new angles for LOLSuit IX: Into Derpness.”

    “The reports, comrade. Who has made racist remarks in the last week? Who has made sexist remarks in the last week? Who has acted, in any way, privileged? Who has ordered vanilla ice cream in the last week?”

    “Ummm… I don’t remember any of those reporting requirements. But they all make sense to me. Commandant Kimberlin, last night was a rough one for me. I spent the last day and evening facing down Ebola and Stage Eleventy Parkinsons. But I’m better now. Please let me get to work on my reports. I’ll get them to you ASAP or as soon as Andersen Cooper provides his inputs.”

    “See that you do, Comrade Schmalfeldt. Know that Comrade Rauhauser is recently returned and that you now have new competition.”

    WTF? I gotta’ figure all this out.

    More later.

  2. I can’t touch those two entries, so instead I’ll try setting up something instead.

    Gosh, Mr. Hoge, you did such a good job explaining why all those other terms apply to Mr. Kimberlin and his associates, but why do you also call him a “deadbeat?”

    • He only owes me a few thousand dollars in sanctions and appeals costs, but he owes over a million bucks to Mrs. DeLong for her injuries and the wrongful death of her husband caused by one of his bombs.

      • (sigh)

        Mr. Hoge, I served you up a nice, hanging softball there, and you BUNT?

        I was doing my level best to set you up for another TKPOTD, where you could go into great detail about each debt he’s skipped out on — names, dates, amounts, and any other relevant details — and you basically punted.

        “On such and such a date, The Pedo Bomber was ordered by W Court to pay Person X Y amount of money for Z reasons. To date, he has paid exactly nothing, and has given no indications that he ever intends to pay one single penny.”

        I am sorely disappointed, chief.

  3. Man, last night turned into a bit more of a bender than I planned. Time to check the news.

    Fire up the computer and hit the New York Times first. Let’s see, headlines, headlines…

    * Senate removes Trump via impeachment

    * Supreme court installs Hillary Clinton as President on 5-4 vote

    * George Soros hails Brett Kimberlin as ‘A True Giant’

    * House Republicans balk at paying for overhaul of UN starship

    GADZOOKS!!! Fantastic news today! Well, except that last item. What else do I see? Scroll lower, and…

    * Tampa FBI arrests teenage cybercrime mastermind Kimmy Blotnik, known as Thinking Man’s Zombie

    * FDA approves Parkinsons cure

    * DOJ appoints special prosecutor to investigate Limbaugh

    “Wake up. Wake up, honey bear.”

    “Wuh?”

    “D’OH!”

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