SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

BRAIN: Am I the only one who makes coffee around here?

SMITH: Sorry about that, Brain. I took the last cup and didn’t think anyone else would want a cup this late in the day.

BRAIN: That’s OK. I’ll make a half-a-pot.

SOUND: Coffee grinder.

JOHN: Good. I could use a refill.

SOUND: Water poured.

JOHN: What kind are you making?

BRAIN: Kona.

SOUND: Chair pulled out.

BRAIN: It’ll only be a couple of minutes for a short pot. So, what’s up this evening?

FRIDAY: We were just discussing the latest Threats of Doom from The Grouch.

PINKY: Did you see the picture he tweeted last night?

BRAIN: The one where he’s driving? Yeah. So he’s able to drive again?

JOHN: It wasn’t much more than a year ago that he was able to drive a couple of thousand miles during a single weekend …

FRIDAY: … and to kill a pair of tires by running them against a curb.

SMITH: His ‘progressive” disease seems to get better and worse in fits and starts.

PINKY: He’s a medical … um … what’s the word I’m looking for?

BRAIN: Anomaly.

PINKY: That fits, but it’s too polite.

SOUND: Beep

BRAIN: The coffee’s ready. Pass me your cup, Sheriff.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

ANNOUNCER: Mmmm. Coffee. I like mine strong, and I usually drink it from either a Res Judicata or a Murum Aries Attigit mug. Both are available exclusive at The Hogewash Store. Stop by and spend some money on the mugs and t-shirts and other trinkets you’ll find there. It’s a great way to support Team Lickspittle. Or you can do your Amazon shopping through the link on the Home page. Or hit the Tip Jar.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JOHN: (Fading up) … be interesting to see how he squares that circle. He’s made contradictory claims in his various complaints. That’s gonna come back to haunt him.

BRAIN: Hmmmm. So it looks like it not time to rebalance my portfolio yet.

PINKY: Huh?

BRAIN: I’m gonna hold on to the popcorn futures a bit longer.

SOUND: Group laughter.

SMITH: Hey, why don’t we adjourn this meeting and reconvene over at the pub?

FRIDAY: Works for me.

JOHN: I’ll take a pass tonight. I’m gonna head home and try to sleep off this cold.

FRIDAY: We’re back on day watch next week. See you, Monday morning, Boss.

JOHN: Good night, guys.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.