Johnny called in from [redacted], but the line quality wasn’t good enough to record an episode. Until he gets back from the third world, we’ll probably be recycling vintage episodes like this one from a couple of years ago.
ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—
SOUND: Skype rings once. Telephone receiver picked up.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) Atsign, it’s Bradshaw
JOHNNY: Hello, Lieutenant. To what do I owe the pleasure?
BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) I’ve got a job for you, or rather, a referral if you want it.
JOHNNY: Are you sure you called the right number?
BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) I hate to admit it, but, yeah, this one’s right down your alley.
JOHNNY: OK. Tell me more.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of the No Justice Matter.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @LtBradshaw Thanks for the lead.
JOHNNY: Bradshaw and I go way back. We worked together in radio years ago. He’d had a call from a friend who was working on Capitol Hill, and that friend had wanted some inquiries made. That’s how I wound up in an intriguing meeting.
STAFFER: Thanks for coming, Mr. Atsign.
JOHNNY: Call me “Johnny.”
STAFFER: OK, Johnny. This is kind of delicate.
JOHNNY: So I gathered from Bradshaw’s call. I can see why your boss wouldn’t want to have any connection to this.
STAFFER: Well, yes. Of course, we don’t support what those Senators are doing, but this lawsuit is an embarrassment.
JOHNNY: But your boss can’t really come out against it given that he wants to move up to a seat in the Senate on your side of the aisle.
STAFFER: Yeah. That too.
JOHNNY: So what can I do for you?
STAFFER: We’ve decided to play hardball on this.
JOHNNY: Which means?
STAFFER: We want to know everything there is to know about this guy. If the suit gets any traction, we want to be able to discredit him.
JOHNNY: I’ve got a thick set of files on him already, and it wouldn’t surprise me if many of my other client would authorizing sharing with you.
STAFFER: OK. Can you give me a brief outline of what you do know so far?
JOHNNY: (Fading out) Sure. The first thing to understand is that he’s filed dozens of lawsuits and hardly ever won any. And he’s a …
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JOHNNY: After I got back to the office, I started pulling data together when the following tweet came in.
AARON TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheBomber loses another one.
JOHNNY: Poof! The lawsuit was gone, and with it the need for the new investigation and report.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Staffer Well, that was quick.
JOHNNY: Some things fix themselves.
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next week? Service with a smile. Join us, won’t you.
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.