Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


It’s amazing how the Real World gets in the way of the Interwebz! There isn’t a new Johnny Atsign script available because of the amount of work being required by my day job. OTOH, my liberal friends tell me that recycling is a good thing, so …

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Cell phone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Johnny. It’s Aaron. I hope I didn’t wake you. You’re an hour behind us in Illinois.

JOHNNY: Good morning back to you. No, I’m running on East Coast time. I’ve got to drive back to Indiana to the other side of the time zone line later today.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Oh?

JOHNNY: Yeah. I’ve found the records we wanted here, but I’ve also developed a lead on a related case.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) The Bomber?

JOHNNY: Uh, huh. I’m headed back to Bloomington.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of The Electric Boogaloo Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @BluesBard Are tickets still available for Saturday?

JOHNNY: I’d been in the Chicago area helping develop information to defend a defamation case. In the process, I had turned up a lead related to background information on a guy known as The Bomber who had filed lawsuits against several other clients. In the course of running down those leads, I contacted someone who had known The Bomber back when he was just starting out his career as a drug wholesaler. He had agreed to me with me at a local music club in Bloomington.

SOUND: Quiet nightclub background.

DAVE: Mr. Atsign?

JOHNNY: Yes?

DAVE: We talked on the phone yesterday. May I sit down?

JOHNNY: Sure. After all, I’m here to meet you, ah … Mr …

DAVE: Just call me “Dave.”

JOHNNY: OK, Dave.

SOUND: Chair pulled out.

JOHNNY: So what have you got to tell me?

DAVE: I’m not sure. I suppose I can tell you about how I ran into The Bomber in the first place and what we …

WAITRESS: Can I get you another round and something for … oh, hi, Dave!

DAVE: Hi. I’ll have my usual.

JOHNNY: Yes, bring me another, and put it all on my tab.

WAITRESS: Be right back.

JOHNNY: This is an interesting place.

DAVE: Yeah, it’s been around for about 40 years. After I got out of the mess with The Bomber, I would occasionally do sound for bands playing here, but that was a long time ago.

JOHNNY: So tell me about what happened.

DAVE: Another guy and I were dealing, and the narcs busted us for selling LSD. Initially, they tried to pin a manufacturing rap on us, but they figured out that the equipment we had couldn’t really be used to make acid.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh.

DAVE: It gets kind of involved, but eventually they figured out that The Bomber was our wholesale connection.

JOHNNY: Go on. I’ve got all night.

DAVE: (Fading out) I never figured out why they didn’t burn him for wholesaling the stuff, but during the grand jury …

SOUND: Nightclub background out.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a proud member of Team Lickspittle and a fan of Johnny Atsign? You can show you support by wearing Team Lickspittle gear. The Grand Hog, Johnny Atsign, Team Lickspittle, and Res Judicata merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or buy doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.

SOUND: Quiet nightclub background.

DAVE: (Fading up) … so they got him for perjury. I guess it was all they thought they had nailed down.

JOHNNY: How many of these people are still around?

DAVE: It’s been over 40 years. There are a few, but they’re all old like me. The Bomber was just a punk kid at the time, and he must be at least 60.

JOHNNY: He’ll turn 61 in June. Did you ever have anything else to do with him?

DAVE: Are you kidding? Once was enough. I thought he was still in prison for those bombings.

JOHNNY: No, he’s been out for over a decade. Hey, it looks like the band is setting up on stage. Are these guy any good?

DAVE: Local band, but they’re OK.

SOUND: Nightclub background out.

JOHNNY TWEETS: @TheBomber So acid was your original base.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

4 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. Isn’t funny that John could have retired, but still works for the fulfillment and the extremely high wages; while most of the Pirate Crew can only keep menials jobs if they can keep even those.

  2. I was assured that your employment was a fraud, just instead of the beach bum with a metal detector, you have rockets and gamma-ray detectors…

    Are you implying that finding a cheap, used, free old ring on the beach with a $50 Heathkit (dating myself) metal detector is not more work than mapping the gamma rays coming in from outer space? And I know Bill didn’t use a Heathkit, you had to assemble them yourself…

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