SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
SOUND: Oldies playing on jukebox in background.
SOUND: Group laughter.
BRAIN: It’s amazing that he thinks he can move about without being noticed.
JOHN: He doesn’t understand the electronic breadcrumbs he drops along his trail.
SMITH: It has certainly made our job easier.
JOHN: And he’s unlikely to get off the Internet. It almost seems like an addiction for him.
WAITRESS: OK. Are you guys ready to order?
SMITH: Have you got broccoli soup tonight?
WAITRESS: Uh, huh.
SMITH: A cup of that and a grilled cheese sandwich.
PINKY: The fried mozzarella appetizer for me.
BRAIN: Make that two.
JOHN: My usual burger.
FRIDAY: A half rack of ribs. Fries. And a refill on my Dr. Pepper.
WAITRESS: Anyone else need a refill?
JOHN: More coffee, please.
WAITRESS: OK. I’ll put this order in and be back with the refills.
JOHN: Where were we? Oh, … It’s like an addiction for him. But being shadow banned, he’s not generating as much outrage and not getting the stimulation he’s used to.
FRIDAY: So he could wind up like a junkie going through withdrawal.
JOHN: (Fading out) Yeah, so that bears watching for …
SOUND: Background out.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4
ANNOUNCER: Be sure to tune in on Mondays for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous freelance Internet investigator, Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. Johnny Atsign coffee mugs and lots of other stuff are available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or do your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re all ways you can support the Team.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
SOUND: Background back up.
SOUND: Table being cleared.
WAITRESS: Can I get anything else for anyone?
JOHN: I don’t think so. Just bring me the check.
PINKY: It’s been pretty quiet this week, but I’m ready for the weekend.
FRIDAY: Yeah. There wasn’t much new other than the good news from Texas.
BRAIN: You mean that appeal overturning those bogus sanctions. Yes, it’s good to see some justice.
JOHN: Don’t worry. Things will be picking up.
SMITH: The Virginia case?
JOHN: I can’t say for now, but things will be picking up.
BRAIN: It looks like I did the right thing by picking up more popcorn futures.
SOUND: Background out.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.