Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


Johnny left this afternoon muttering something about trout fishing on the Rio Grande. We’re presenting this vintage episode in his absence.

ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Cell phone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Good afternoon, Johnny. Whatcha doin’?

JOHNNY: Hi. I’m not doing anything.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Nothing?

JOHNNY: Well, I’m drinking a cup of coffee, but otherwise, I’m taking a day off.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) You may want to take a look at The Grouch’s Twitter feed.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during the Say Cheese Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch You’re awfully shy for someone who tries to be a public person.

JOHNNY: I finished my coffee, opened up my laptop, and took a look at Twitter. The Grouch was having one of his usual meltdowns, and this one include a reference to me.

THE GROUCH TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) Mighty fine stalking there! I’m honored to be so important to you! Have my address yet? Want it? Just ask politely. #dimwit

JOHNNY: That tweet included a cartoon posted by La Cucaracha that showed a house The Grouch claimed he was renting.

THE GROUCH TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) I recall people staggering for the fainting couch when I posted pictures of peoples’ houses. OK if you do it, though. Right?

THE GROUCH TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) Programming Announcement: Johnny is off taking another set of intriguing pictures today, so we won’t be presenting an episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign this evening. Pictures like this?

THE GROUCH TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) Or these? (Notice the tiny battering ram in my alleged front yard…)

JOHNNY: The Grouch seemed to be concerned that folks might know where he lived.

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JOHNNY: I had a good laugh and then went back to my day off. But the next day, it was back to work.

SOUND: Skype rings once. Telephone receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

ZOMBIE: (TELEPHONE FILTER) Johnny, it’s Paul Candler. Were you able to get those pictures for me?

JOHNNY: Yep. And I took them on old fashioned film like you requested. I finished with them in the dark room this morning. It’s getting to be a pain finding the chemicals to process Ektachrome. I’ll be glad when Kodak reintroduces it later this year.

ZOMBIE: (TELEPHONE FILTER) Uh, huh. I know it was an odd request, but I have my reasons.

JOHNNY: And I’m not going to ask.

ZOMBIE: (TELEPHONE FILTER) Good. In any case, I hope you managed to enjoy the trip.

JOHNNY: I did. Say, did you see that meltdown on The Grouch’s Twitter feed? It looks like he thinks I was photographing him.

ZOMBIE: (TELEPHONE FILTER) Let him. It will distract everyone. When will you send the slides?

JOHNNY: Everything should be ready late today, so I’ll probably send them in tomorrow’s mail.

ZOMBIE: (TELEPHONE FILTER) Great! Make sure you keep digital copies of the slides.

JOHNNY: Will do? I’ll send you an email after I drop the package off at the Post Office.

ZOMBIE: (TELEPHONE FILTER) OK. Goodbye.

JOHNNY: Goodbye.

SOUND: Telephone receiver hung up.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Do you ever get tired of trolling yourself?

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? There’s trouble … right here in River City. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

2 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 02.13.18 : The Other McCain

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