Blogsmoke


SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

SOUND: Oldies playing on jukebox in background.

SOUND: Group laughter.

SMITH: And that tweet about the feds DMing him for your contact info was so precious.

JOHN: Yep. Like they couldn’t find my contact information on the blog.

PINKY: No one’s contacted you, have they?

JOHN: (Chuckles) Not yet. Of course, if someone does, one of things I’ll do is give him the contact info of the last fed who investigated one of The Grouch’s bizarre complaints.

PINKY: The IG Complaint?

JOHN: No. That’s further back, but come to think about it, I should probably pass that case information along too.

FRIDAY: You should probably include all the state cases also.

JOHN: Yeah, or at least tell ’em who to talk to at the State’s Attorney’s Office.

BRAIN: I need to call my broker about more popcorn futures.

WAITRESS: OK. Your orders are up. Who had the cheeseburger?

FRIDAY: (Fading out) That’s mine …

SOUND: Background out.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

ANNOUNCER: Spring is just around the corner, but it isn’t here yet. It’s still going to be cold for several more weeks. On days like this, I’m glad to have my Team Lickspittle Hoodie as an extra layer of warm clothing. It and other Team Lickspittle items are some of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or by doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

SOUND: Background back up.

JOHN: (Fading up) … he just keeps stepping in it.

SOUND: Group laughter.

WAITRESS: You guys sound like you’re having a good time tonight. Who wants desert?

JOHN: Just coffee for me. Cream and sugar.

PINKY: The apple pie looks good.

WAITRESS: Warm with a slice of cheese on it?

PINKY: Uh, huh.

BRAIN: Same for me.

SMITH: I go with a cup of coffee too. Black.

FRIDAY: And another slice of the pie and another black coffee.

WAITRESS: OK. I’ll be right back.

SMITH: Say, Boss, there’s one thing about the timing of The Grouch’s rant …

JOHN: What?

SMITH: … coming right after The Bomber’s name has surfaced on the Web connected with that dossier nonsense.

JOHN: Oh, you noticed that too.

SOUND: Background out.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

21 thoughts on “Blogsmoke

  1. William must have a second rollodex full of Secret Service contacts.

    I wonder how he keeps the other bums under the bridge from using it for toilet paper?

  2. Cue Nostradumbass Bill with his eerie powers of proctological prognostication… “Sure seems like there is a LOT OF NERVOUSNESS over the possibility of the Feds busting Hogewash! Settle down, lickspittles, these things will play out on their own time! Expect those phone calls soon! I am literally loling. Here I go; ha ha ha ha!”

    Followed by either Above it All Bill (“I have too much to live for to waste it on people I could not care less about!”) or All Your Life Am Belong to Me Bill (Everyone- “But that trick never works!” Bill- “This time for sure!”)

    The Schmycle spins; and, having spun, spins on.

    • “Sure seems like there is a LOT OF NERVOUSNESS over the possibility of the Feds busting Hogewash!” — retired high level GS13 government speech writer & expert in Twitter Law, Bill Schamlfeldt

      As usual Bill, you are WRONG!!! Because you have the social skills of a 2nd grader, you lack the ability to analyze perceived or real behavior. But if you could, you would detect the excitement at all TFS blogs over the start of a new ‘Bill Behavior Schmycle’ and the possibility of LOLSuit IX. It almost feels like Christmas Eve and you are handing out the presents. In the immortal words of the brilliant philosopher of the 1970’s Kent ‘Flounder’ Dorfman, “Oh boy is this GREAT”

      • Not even if BlubberBoy talks to them “fed to fed”? (Boy, can you imagine the revulsion any other normal federal employee would feel upon hearing that BiwwyBoy wanted to talk to them “fed to fed”?) I’m not wild about federal employees anyway (our kind host and some other excepted), mostly, but I wouldn’t wish that on any of them.

  3. Bill Schmalfeldt @bill365radio 19h19 hours ago

    The words are all there, just as Patrick “Paul Krendler” Grady, Capgemini employee of Glendale Heights, IL, wrote them. Let’s do a diagram. (2)

    Diagram? Seems to me that requires a picture. Just a thought. Amirite? Verstehen?

    Ready? Go.

    What, no picture? DUMBF5CK needs to FOCUS! Time for it to draw a picture. There’s a lad.

  4. Didn’t we already have him connected to some European con-men trying to sell their own “Trump dossier”? A guy who lives off a non-profit’s spare change managed to fly to Europe to offer to pay…

  5. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 02.09.18 : The Other McCain

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