ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for —
SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Johnny.
JOHNNY: Well, hello!
RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Did you follow The Grouch’s antics over the weekend?
JOHNNY: Nope. I went fishing. What’s up?
RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) He’s threatening to file another LOLsuit.
JOHNNY: Good. That will make my life easier.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of the Location, Location, Location Matter.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch You can move around, but you can’t hide.
JOHNNY: The Grouch is a cyberpest on the Internet who has sued several of my clients. In some instances he has claimed that accurately quoting him is defamatory. After his seventh LOLsuit failed and he was facing a countersuit from one of my clients, he moved without providing a forwarding address. It didn’t take long to track him down. He’d moved back to his home town.
He got a job, and lost it—perhaps because of insubordination. He resumed driving—but so poorly that he wrecked a pair of tires against a curb and was unable to convince the town cops that they’d been slashed by a vandal.
OFFICER: (Fading up) … so we have to take the report if an incident is called in.
JOHNNY: What sort of damage did you see?
OFFICER: The tires had failed by blowing out. There was no evidence of cutting. Oh, and the rims were scuffed up like they’d be run against a curb.
JOHNNY: Uh, huh. So what was the disposition?
OFFICER: (Fading out) Like I said, we have to write up a complaint, but we closed the case immediately. There was no …
JOHNNY: Within a few months of being home, it seems that The Grouch had worn out his welcome. His next step was to slink away to a warmer clime where he filed yet another LOLsuit. He’s moved multiple times since then, often failing to properly provide a forwarding address. When his most recent LOLsuit collapsed, he tried to hide his whereabouts.
He hasn’t necessarily been successful.
ANNOUNCER: Although we haven’t had much snow this Winter, it’s been cold here in Westminster. All of us here at LBS are looking forward to warmer weather when we can wear our Team Lickspittle t-shirts. Check out the selection at The Hogewash Store. You’ll find men and women’s designs featuring the logos of Team Lickspittle, Res Judicata, and The Grand Hog. They’re just some of the trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on, stuff exclusively available at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.
JOHNNY: (Fading up) … will make my life easier.
RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) How’s that, Johnny?
JOHNNY: If he files another LOLsuit, he’ll have to provide an address for any defendants to serve him with an answer.
RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Oh.
JOHNNY: I can pass that information on to some of my clients.
RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) So that means …
JOHNNY: Yeah. He’s likely to get more legal paperwork than he wants.
JOHNNY TWEETS: @TheGrouch Go ahead. Make my day.
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next week? We’ll turn over some rocks. Join us, won’t you.
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.
Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.