Blogsmoke


SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

SOUND: Oldies playing on jukebox in background.

SOUND: Group laughter.

SMITH: So after all those years of effort to shutdown The Bomber’s critics, he’s ended up being shadowbanned.

JOHN: Yep.

BRAIN: How did you manage that?

JOHN: I didn’t. Well, not directly.

FRIDAY: The Grouch has several people who have taken an interest in him.

JOHN: And more that one of us have been in touch with Twitter.

PINKY: So now he’s shouting into a dead microphone.

WAITRESS: You guys sound like you’re having a good time this evening. Can I get you anything else?

JOHN: Yeah, it’s a bit of a celebration, and the next round’s on me.

WAITRESS: The same thing for everyone?

SMITH: I’ve got to drive home soon. I’ll switch to coffee. Black.

WAITRESS: OK. I’ll be right back.

SOUND: Background out.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

ANNOUNCER: It’s gonna be one of those cold nights when you want to something warm to drink, like a good cup of coffee in a Murum Aries Attigit mug. Another good way to fight that chill is a Team Lickspittle blanket wrap. Why not get yours today? Or maybe a Team Lickspittle sweatshirt or hoodie. They’re just some of the trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on, stuff exclusively available at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or by doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

SOUND: Background back up.

JOHN: (Fading up) … after the next one hits.

SOUND: Group laughter.

PINKY: Wow. You weren’t kidding when you said you weren’t finished with ’em.

JOHN: Yes, The Bomber and The Grouch have bitten off more than they can chew.

BRAIN: So what’s next?

JOHN: I’ve been saying that will depend on how some of the appeal turn out. It’ll also depend on the result of a couple of investigations in progress and a new one just starting.

FRIDAY: Yeah. I got your email about that. Where do you come up these leads?

JOHN: I have my sources.

FRIDAY: It’s gonna affect the travel budget.

JOHN: We can cover it. Meanwhile, we need keep up the PLM. (Fading out) That 5-gallon milk carton bit was …

SOUND: Background out.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

8 thoughts on “Blogsmoke

  1. It’s a good thing that Blogsmoke is a work of fiction. I’d hate to think of a real Grouch out there. Unloved, alone, destitute, and so damn stupid he couldn’t blow his his nose if his brains were dynamite. This character is getting almost too hard to believe.

  2. Dearie. Shadow-banned and a government shutdown turning off the fakinsons goldbricking spigot all in one month. What poor luck!

    Trouble comes in threes, no?

  3. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 01.19.18 : The Other McCain

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